Tronnor - For Him

10

I lay on my back on my bed, smiling. Our date went amazing. The sushi tasted delicious, and we spent the whole night talking about the times we spent together that I do remember. We learned a lot about each other, especially me, since I was the one missing memories.

After going to the restaurant, I took Connor back to my place for my little surprise. I had spent the whole day arranging white and pink fairy lights around the main room in my apartment, and I had some soft, romantic music playing from my speaker. There were scented candles burning everywhere, and my entire apartment smelled amazing.

I was planning on just watching the movie I'd chosen and having another movie night, this time much more romantic than our last. But we also ended up having a little photo shoot, taking silly pictures of each other and a few together in front of the beautiful lights. All in all, it was a night to remember.

I can't believe that two days ago, no one but Connor knew about my sexuality. Now, I can't imagine my friends not knowing. Maybe it was for the best. But my journey isn't over. I still have to come out to not just my family, but my fans.

All of a sudden, my phone starts buzzing uncontrollably. I pick it up to see messages flying in from all my friends, but a new one appears before I can even read the last. When they've finally all delivered, I hurry to unlock my phone and open iMessage, dreading what I might see.

There are texts from Connor, Zoe, Caspar, and many more friends, as well as Tyler. I guess he's not too mad at me.

They all say pretty much the same thing.

Troye check Twitter! Someone saw you and Connor together!

Tro Tro it's happened again they're tweeting about us and spreading rumors. Ugh I've outed you AGAIN I'm sooo sorry!!

Troye you need to do something your fans are going insane on Twitter!

My heart pounding, I open Twitter to see hundreds of tweets from fans, asking me about Connor and Tyler and my sexuality, and fighting with each other over what's happening.

'He's so gay, him and Connor are totally dating.' 'No he's dating Tyler! #Troyler 4ever!!' 'he's not even gay wtf' 'he kissed Tyler of course they're dating.' 'then why was he on a date with Connor? #Tronnor.'

Not again! I won't let myself be outed again. I'm not ready. They don't have proof, right? I can deny it, right?

Hurriedly I tweet out, 'pls dont make assumptions about me. I would tell u if anything you're saying was true.'

There. That should solve it. My fans are loyal, right? They'll respect my privacy, wait until I confirm something.

Right?

+++

I open the door to reveal Connor, who immediately comes in to give me a hug and start apologizing over and over.

"Connor, it's fine. I don't regret it."

He stops mid sentence. "You don't?"

"I mean, it's not like they have proof. And for all they know, we were just having dinner as friends."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm still sorry, though. Maybe...maybe we should stay friends for now. After you're out, after you remember everything...I think it'll be a lot easier."

"What? Connor, I-"

"You know I'm right, Troye. I like you, I really do, but now is not the time. I think starting a relationship right now would just make everything harder, especially for you."

All I can think to say is, "Oh."

"Don't worry, we're still best friends! We can still hang out all the time...we'll still work on getting you to remember...just as friends."

My heart clenches. I don't want to be just friends. Connor likes me. I like him. Why can't we be together? Why isn't it that simple?

"Connor...I'm not ready to come out on YouTube. I don't think I will be f-for a while..."

"Then we'll just wait until you are ready. However long it takes."

+++

I've remembered everything. Piece by piece, I've finally completed the puzzle. I can remember Connor, I can remember meeting him and becoming friends and every single thing.

The only thing I don't remember is the night of the accident. I know I came out to Connor and I've been told what happened in the accident, but if anything else happened that night, I can't seem to remember.

Whatever. It was only one night. For now, I'm just glad I can look at him like my best friend again.

Only so much can happen in one night.  It can't have been important. Right?

+++

"Troye, I want to talk to you about what I said..."

I sigh. I'm not really angry. But I am quite disappointed that Tyler reacted like that when he found out I was gay. He could have been more supportive.

"It's fine, Tyler. Forget it."

"Look, the reason I started to get all upset wasn't about you. I-I was being selfish, I was regretting everything..."

"Regretting everything? You mean, like Troyler? The kiss? That was for YouTube, Tilly. We can just deny it, and after we stop encouraging it all the fans will realize it was never real."

Tyler sighs. "I-I guess. Um, you see...I was kind of jealous. Of you."

I stare at him in shock. Why would he be jealous of me?

"Look, I've had a crush on Connor. Ever since he came out, I kind of just...I started to like him more than friends. And you two are so close, and now I know you're gay, and you kissed him at the party, and-ugh, I can't help but wonder if-if I'll have to watch my crush and my best friend start dating right in front of me."

Eyes wide, I can hardly shape my mouth to form words. Tyler likes Connor?

"Um...well...that's not gonna happen. Connor and I won't be dating any time soon, that's for sure. He..." My voice cracks. "He made that very clear."

Tyler's eyes fill with hope.

"So do you think I have a chance? To try to win him over?"

I try to smile, but it ends up kind of like a grimace. Connor clearly doesn't like me enough to be together. So who am I to stop Tyler?

"Maybe."