PTX Oneshots

Back

God bless @qveenpariah

It had become the norm.
There really wasn't any other way to express himself, and nobody else would listen.
(Save for Scott, of course, but Scott sometimes didn't quite understand his innermost thoughts.)
He liked posting them on his YouTube channel since no one knew it existed. Hell, his name didn't even appear on any of the videos, and he carefully edited his thumbnails so you would only really know it was him if you knew him very well. He had one view on the channel, and the video got a dislike because, as he found out, she was an old woman with no interest in his new purchase from Vetements.
And he had no subscribers.
It was fine to him. It wasn't like he wanted people watching his emotions, but he couldn't keep them all on his MacBook since they would all take up so much storage space.
Besides, the one view was from the one and only time that he had forgotten to post the video as private, which he instantly fixed.
So yes, his 'stupid' tour video diaries were totally safe from outsiders and had been a normal thing for years.
He would film them in the hotel bathroom or in the closet when Scott was asleep.
(He hated using the closet- he had already come out of it once and he didn't feel the need to do it again.)
But tonight was different.
Because other videos had him red faced and drunk, or maybe his eyelids were drooping and he was half asleep, or he was wide awake but angry and frustrated at someone who had given him the wrong look when he crossed the street to get to Starbucks or whatever the coffee shops were called in the country the band was in.
Tonight was different because he had tears sliding down his face and running down his chin. And his eyes were bloodshot.
And his hand shook when he turned on the camera.
------------------------
"I am absolutely, no doubt about it, completely and utterly pathetic."
What a strong start, he huffed internally, swiping a hand at his eyes though it did nothing to stem the flow of his tears.
"You guys don't get it. It's literally the worst to be in love with your best friend. As in, he jumps into the bed, that we share, wraps an arm around me, he has the nerve to squeeze me and kiss me on the shoulder, and of course I'm like 'shoot, that's really nice', so he whispers to me that he loves me and my heart stops. Like, I felt it stop for a full second and then it was racing again. So I have to tell him I love him too, and he goes 'You're the best friend I've ever had' and, like, there it is again, my heart stops and my breath hitches but it's not in the good way anymore and I feel like I'm about to cry. I mean, right now I'm like..."
He made a motion with his hands sliding down his face and tried his best to imitate a waterfall.
"But earlier I was fine and stuff. Does anyone get it? As in, anyone out there in love with the one person who will never love you in the way you do?? Probably just me. God, I'm hopeless."
He choked out the last bit because, even though just words, they had the flavor of pain, and he didn't want to have to feel pain anymore.
(You would think he had enough in high school, but here he is years later.)
He pushed back his fringe and rubbed at his eyes again.
"And it's not just hard to deal with- it's terrifying too. Just imagine being best friends with someone you've loved since you were 10, and he's adorable and gorgeous and handsome and has the best smile and is just perfect but you know you can't have him because if you mess something up now, there's really no going back. And it's super cliché, but there's the band too. If he hates me or something and he leaves... He's the main singer. We would literally fall apart without him and it would be my fault for having a crush on him in the first place. Everything about him. I just love everything about him, but I'm so scared to lose what I've spent years on. Our friendship, I mean, not, like, him. That was his parents job but-"
He heaved a heavy sigh and tried again.
"Sorry. I'm rambling. Like, I'm usually rambling, but tonight I'm going on about this thing that nobody gets so... Yeah. This is so pointless. I should be over this thing, but I'm still in the bathroom like I was the first time we went on tour. Stupid, pointless videos uploaded to some random channel that no one knows exists. But, uh, yeah."
His tears had stopped pouring as hard as they had been and he grabbed some tissue to blow his nose.
(Maybe these diaries weren't as dumb as he thought they were.)
"Thanks, I guess, for listening... If anyone bothers besides me. Whatever, you know? Bye. This is Mitch Grassi, signing out."
He edited the thumbnail quickly, posting it under the title:
Scott Hoying ruined my life
(He didn't realize how much of a problem this was going to be in about 20 and a half hours.)
Then, as was the norm alongside many other things, he carefully inserted himself under the sheets next to Scott, pressing close to him for warmth and dreaming about what his lips would feel like on his own.
After all, it would never be more than a dream.
(That's what he thought, anyway, because another thing he didn't know was that he had forgotten completely to put the video on private in his emotional state.)
------------------------
Mitch practically flew into the hotel room, stride confident just in case Scott worried that something was wrong with him, because clearly nothing was.
(That's not true. Everything was wrong with him.)
He found him lying on the bed with his phone, headphones plugged in as he scrolled through the Internet with a kind of awry grin.
"What're you doing, Scooter?" He called out, grabbing his laptop from his bag and sitting on the sofa with the brightness on the lowest setting, just in case.
"Googling myself. It's funny to see what kind of person the fans think I- oh, damn, the Internet thinks I'm your boyfriend!"
Well that was a blow to the gut, right where it hurt too. It seemed he had found something to watch after a while, maybe a fan video that he found lying around, so he left him to it while he checked his channel.
Then, and only then did he realize that he had posted the video under public and it had one view.
Hurriedly he edited it onto private, but it was too late, the video was probably over and Scott was standing up and moving towards him.
(Wow, he had messed with this one up real badly, hadn't he?)
"Mitch..."
"Sorry!! I- you...? Probably hate me now?? You're pissed aren't you- oh please don't leave the band, we're nothing witho-"
Scott found that there was but one way to shut his best friend up when he started rambling.
With a kiss.
A kiss that both of them rather enjoyed, quite honestly, since they had been holding back these feelings for years.
(Although the feeling can't be bound by time, 'years' is an okay estimate.)
But then, like all good things, it had to end. Abruptly too, since Mitch had decided this wasn't what he meant or wanted.
"Hold on. I don't want your pity and stuff just because I made a sappy video, and that's the only reason you're doing this."
"What? No! I've been so in love with you too... For years, really, and now was just the perfect chance to kiss you... Sorry...."
Mitch then gently put his palm over Scott's cheek.
"Don't be sorry for that, okay? It was incredible. But... Maybe... If you're telling the truth... Catch me another time, not after discovering that I feel all heartbroken over you. It has to mean something more. I love you, but I'm sorry, because right now, I don't feel truly loved back."
------------------------
That night Mitch slept on the sofa.
The next day, he avoided Scott as much as possible.
(That took away from whatever willpower he had left, since he wanted to just take him in his arms.)
But his words were "Catch me another time", and catch him he did, because during their show that night, halfway through Misbehavin', he grabbed Mitch by the waist and kissed him deeply for a few seconds, letting the stadium go completely mad before winking at the audience and leaving his best friend star struck.
Because that was all the proof he needed that he loved him back.