Moonlight Tryst ✖︎ Teen Wolf

00015 ➳ Massacre

"I hope people don't think I'm crazy, because I'm not." ― Macaulay Culkin

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Lyn Hall's POV - 24 / 06 / 2014 : Beacon Hills 

For so long I had ignored my anger issues, thinking that perhaps I could overcome them. Perhaps I thought that I was acting out, and being aggressive because of the deaths of my family members. But truth be told I had been diagnosed with I.E.D. Intermittent explosive disorder: a behavioral disorder characterized by explosive outbursts of anger and violence, often to the point of rage, that are disproportionate to the situation at hand (e.g., impulsive screaming triggered by relatively inconsequential events). Impulsive aggression is unpremeditated, and is defined by a disproportionate reaction to any provocation, real or perceived. Some individuals have reported affective changes prior to an outburst (e.g., tension, mood changes, energy changes, etc.) The disorder itself is not easily characterized and often exhibits comorbidity with other mood disorders, particularly bipolar disorder. Individuals diagnosed with IED report their outbursts as being brief (lasting less than an hour), with a variety of bodily symptoms (sweating, stuttering, chest tightness, twitching, palpitations) reported by a third of one sample. Aggressive acts are frequently reported accompanied by a sensation of relief and in some cases pleasure, but often followed by later remorse.

I was diagnosed at a very early age when I got into a fight at school, leaving the twelve year old hospitalised for more than a week. I never felt remorse, in fact I never understood what I had done so wrong. When I was bitten I felt a surge of power, another escape from my own pain filled world. Then along came my Vampirism and ability to preform witchcraft, and all of a sudden I began to spiral downwards. Murdering people became a pleasurable act and brought relief to the anger that never ceased. I was unable to make friends, or be kind to people because all it brought was more anger, more pain and indirectly more grief. 

I was slowly going crazy, all of my emotions heightened to the point where it felt as though every blood cell in my body was being throttled by a razor sharp chocker. I would never wish to return to that world in which drugs were a regular release, stealing was a rush of adrenaline and being alone was a way to deal with grief. I do wish I could return to a life where I lived with my twin and mother, her occasional boyfriend and our tabby short-haired cat. I missed my life, where I grew up believing one day I'd become a artist, now it had been nearly teen years and I hadn't touched a paint brush in all that time. I caught myself wishing I could taste mom's special home brew of ginger-bear, the tangy flavour that would take over my mouth as Castiel and I sat besides the swing set. 

I sat alone in the park, the wet bench cool against my bare legs. I rested my head in my hands, my face scrunching up.

 I was a mess, only eleven years old when I lost them, abandoned and forgotten. Often people tried to justify my sudden outbursts of anger, and then I had real reason. What do you call a Hybrid with IED? A toxin, a very dangerous one at that. One that you should do everything you can to avoid. Although I feared being alone, I knew it was better for me to push everyone away, to run if you wish. Because I was an assassin, a weapon capable of massacre.  

Everything happened for a reason? But for what reason. I had died, sacrificing my life many a time to save another. Secretly watching over people who I felt needed protection. Yet I lost everything, always thinking that it was my fault, only to be told indifferently. I keep looking for answers but never finding one that provides me with enough information to end it all. 

I closed my eyes, feeling the cool air circle with in my open mouth, slowly swirling and mixing with the warm air that was released. I was tired, having not slept nor eaten properly for nearly a week. Never feeling full. 

"Go away, please, I want to be alone." I murmured, my hands rough against my face. 

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, as I felt my eyes water.

"Please leave," I whispered weakly as my nose began to twitch. 

"Why are you even back I thought you left, I thought you were dying." I reprimand from meeting his stern gaze, my eyes instead cast downwards as my feet shuffled with anticipation. 

"Derek," I looked up, gulping as slow tears unleashed, slipping down my face as my reflection of a pained girl met my saddened gaze. "I-I really just want to be al-alone right now." I then stood, my shoulders slumped tiredly as I made my way towards the bridge that overlooked the small stream. 

"Evelyn?" he called, as his large hand enveloped my smaller one, he tugged me into his chest his muscular arms encircling my waist as his head dropped into the crook of my neck. Reluctantly my arms gripped his shirt, my head slowly falling to rest against his chest. "Tell me, I need to know." 

"I don't know who I am, I left with Klaus to discover who I am, we travelled the world and came up empty handed. I've given so much, and have taken so much and throughout all of that I've lost myself and every value and virtue that once mean't so much to me." I pushed him away from me, a scowl forming as the tears continued to fall. "I lost my mom, my brother, my dad, my cousin, my pack, friends, lovers, and you." I shook my head, "As far as I'm concerned I'm going to be dead soon, running from my pain has made be accountable for lost lives. Eventually it will all catch up and I'll be finished." 

Derek stood across from me, a blank expression masking his true emotions as I took a measured step backwards. "I have been alone for so long, and right now," I paused my teary gaze locking with his stunning hazel eyes, "Right now? I really just want to be alone." I winced, ferociously rubbing at my eyes, before I turned. He remained standing as I paced before him, my hand rubbing tiresomely at my neck. Eyes squeezed tightly shut before I slumped to the ground my body wracking in tears, my limbs shaking uncontrollable. Derek's hand touched my shoulder as I stood abruptly. 

"DON'T F*CKING TOUCH ME!" I roared, my eyes blazing with fury, as unleashed tears made it seem as though my navy blue eyes were glazed over. My fangs elated receiving a sharp pinch from my lower lip. I gasped stepping back, as a shaking hand covered my open mouth. "I-I'm s-so so-sorry." I muttered in disbelief as my eyes met with the full moon's bright beams of moonlight. Derek stepped forward his face cast into shadows as his hand gently caressed my face. 

"It will be our little secret."