Aftermath (An SVU Fanfiction) *EDITING*

Postpartum

After a week in the hospital, they could finally take their little girl home. Sure, she's really small, but everything seems to be okay. Besides the obvious medical concerns, the doctors told Olivia that her daughter should be perfectly fine. The hospital staff called her a miracle, she's their miracle, even if Olivia is too depressed to see it.

Olivia loves her baby, she takes care of her and makes sure she's healthy and cared for. The thing is, she's so depressed. You'd think that after having your first child, you'd be ecstatic, right? Well, she is, she's extremely happy to have her daughter, but the depression continues to overpower her.

She lays down in bed, her new habitat, with Dylan in her arms. "Hey, baby.." she sighs. Olivia adjusts herself so she can start feeding. These are moment she should be enjoying more than life itself.Believe it, she does, it's just not how she pictured it. She swore to herself that she wouldn't compare her child to Lewis, but it's so hard! There isn't any resemblance between them, she looks exactly like Olivia, but she doesn't see it. She sees a miniature version of her rapist.

Olivia cried as she nursed Dylan. She couldn't help it. Elliot came into the bedroom after he got home from work to find her in tears. "Liv? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing."

"Liv, please. You've been so depressed since.." he looks down at the baby and didn't say anything.

"I'm not depressed," she says matter-of-factly. "I'm perfectly fine," she sniffles and wipes her tears.

"Liv-"

"Don't make me yell at you, just leave me alone!"

"Olivia, calm down." Olivia had also been really moody since she gave birth, it wasn't normal mood swings, though. They're pretty intense.

"Don't tell what to do!" she yells. Dylan stopped feeding and began crying. "See!? You made her upset, are you happy!?" Elliot was cautious, but stepped toward her as she pulled her shirt up and wiped off Dylan's mouth and chin. He took her from Olivia and bounced her. Olivia started crying. "I-I'm sorry, please!" she cried.

Elliot went into the nursery and burped the infant. He rocked her to sleep before laying her in the crib. Elliot then went to go check on Eli who was fast asleep. He made his way to the bedroom where Olivia was buried under the blankets that swallow her being. "Liv.."

"She's my baby!"

"Who you clearly can't take care of right now! She should be your number one priority and you're too busy crying and laying in bed to change her diaper some days!"

"You-I'm not a bad parent!" she yells back. She then questions herself. "Right? I-I'm a good mom, right?"

Elliot soon realized what he had said and how he made her feel. He sat next to her and rubbed her back. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you're right. I can't do this.."

"Olivia, do not say that! You're a great mom, okay? You just need some help, that's all."

"I just..I look at her and I don't see my daughter, I see him and it all comes back! I don't want to, but I can't help it!" Olivia leans into Elliot and cries harder. "It's him! It's him I see when I hold her, when I change her diaper, when I feed her and I hate it!"

"Oh, Liv..hey, listen, we can get you in to see Dr. Lindstrom, alright?"

"I don't wanna hate my baby!" she cries. "I'm scared, she scares me and I hate myself for it! I hate myself for hating my daughter!"

Elliot was taken back. Hate is a strong word, especially towards your child. This has to be a bad case of postpartum depression. "O-okay, honey, shh..it'll be okay." Elliot promises. Olivia cries herself to sleep in Elliot's arms.