There's a quote by the famous German philosopher Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche that goes, "Hope in reality is the worst of all evil because that only extends human's agony." Now, despite my current lack of interest in philosophies on Life and Death, a long time ago, I liked that quote. Out of all of the so-called words of encouragement from the therapy sessions and support groups I had been forced to attend, I found that those words were the most honest words I had ever heard since I found out that my body was home to brain cancer.
Sorry, starting off deep. That happens sometimes, so if you care to stick around till the end, you'll have to get used to it. But before I go any further, let me introduce myself properly.
My name is Jongin. I'm a 28-year-old year painter who was born and raised in Seoul. I have brain cancer, yes, but it's been hiding for the last ten years because it finally decided to fear all of the Chemo and other treatments I got in the past. And today, or however long it takes you to read this, that's what my story will be about: Cancer. But before you direct your attention somewhere else, please don't judge me based solely on that previous statement. I'll spare you and your time from the inevitable sob story that is Cancer, but I can't promise that you won't shed a few tears by the time this is over, so grab those tissues if you need to.
The doctors always used to tell me not to give up or lose sight of Hope. From the beginning, they promised me and my family that they would attack the Cancer just as hard as it was attacking me. I suppose back then I had no choice but to believe them back then. Can you blame me? I was 14 and just recently diagnosed with a fatal disease; who else was I supposed to trust? But as it turned out, Cancer was a disease with an unlimited supply of willpower and stamina, and I, even with a team of doctors literally at my side, was no match for it. So, I decided from that day on, I would give up on Hope and Life and just join the Death and Despair club instead.
My folks, however, weren't the giving-up type. They were the let's-fight-until-the-end types. You know, the kind of people who get all those special laws and acts named in honor of them and their persistence. That was the precise reason they decided putting me in Seoul's top cancer hospital, or hell on earth as I liked to call it, would be the best choice for them and for me. I don't know about you, but I'm, still, not one to think that our parents always know what's best for us. But as it turned out, maybe they did. I'll save that for the end, though. Wouldn't want to spoil it now, would I?
Patient No. 193
For the next four years, that would be my identity. As you can assume, it meant that I was the 193rd cancer victim to be put in that hospital. 193 may not seem big when dollars is acting as a label to it, but when applied to things like pairs of shoes and the number of cancer patients in a hospital, it is a lot. Oddly enough, though, I never, in the four years I had been there, I had gotten to know a single one of the other 192 people. I suppose the whole purpose of hospitals built especially for people like me is to keep research centralized to one area and to help those of us with that ratchet disease feel less alone. But, as long as I'm being honest, I felt just as lonely in that hospital as I did in the outside world amongst all the healthy people. Now please note that as I go on, this is strictly me recalling prior feelings of my teenage self. I'm not this depressing to be around anymore, I promise. Well, maybe I can be at certain times, but I should stop talking about this before I lose my train of thought. So, back to the story.
Approximately ten years ago or so, give or take a few months since I was technically 17 at the time, I remember having a conversation with my doctor. And before you jump to any conclusions, it wasn't because it had sentimental value to me, it was because I had literally sat through it a million times before. And that is not, by any means, an exaggeration.
"How's your therapy coming along?" he asked me.
"Which one?" I replied lazily, keeping my eyes directed at a hangnail I was trying to pick off.
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Oasis (A KaiSoo Fanfic)
ФанфикFor the past four years, Jongin has been stuck inside the cancer hospital that his parents put him in after he was diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. Hope was the four-letter word that he had heard ever since then; Hope that you'll get better; Hop...
