Oasis (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter 3 | Morning of Disappointment

When I opened my eyes that next morning, the first thing I did was place my hand over the spot on my chest that shielded my heart. I waited a few seconds and I thought that I might actually be dead because I didn't feel anything. Maybe, I thought, I died in the previous night's sleep and I was waking up in my afterlife. But, I thought too early apparently and seconds later, I felt my heartbeat against my hand. I groaned in annoyance and disappointment. 

I hated mornings like that. It meant that I had to get up and repeat the same damn schedule I had been for three years. It meant that I had to go through another day of pointless treatments for my overbearing disease. It meant that I had to breathe for another 24 hours. It was always like this, though. I would test to see if my prayers had been answered, only to be let down when I felt the timed pumping of my heart. And for those of you out there who know how much it hurts to be let down, imagine feeling that way every single worthless day of your pathetic life.

I sat up and stretched out my arms, hunching over as I exhaled heavily afterward. The sun was blindingly bright and the birds chirping outside of my window were deafeningly annoying. Squinting, I shifted my tired eyes over to the other side of the room. Kyungsoo was still asleep in his bed and those tubes that supposedly supplied a steady amount of oxygen to his lungs were still stuck up his nostrils. But that was where my new problem seemed to originate. Him. Something about the way the morning light cast itself over his face made me feel funny inside. I could feel my stomach as it churned airily and I could feel my heart as it began to beat faster. At the time, I had no idea why this sensation was, but it really annoyed me to be perfectly honest.

At one point, he tossed a bit and ended up waking himself up. His head turned in a couple of different directions before his eyelids laid back into his head. He saw me next, smiling ever so faintly and briefly. "Good morning," he said as he sat up, carefully taking out the tubes from his nose. "Did you sleep well last night?"

"Well, I'm still alive," I said with no emotion whatsoever. "Does that answer your question?"

"No, but I'll take it," he said, playfully rolling his eyes. He stretched his arms out toward the ceiling in order to get out the cramps, causing his shirt to lift up and reveal a portion of his skin in the process. I was across the room, yes, but it looked so soft and flawless even from there that I--no, wait. I should stop. I'm getting ahead of myself. 

"Isn't it great to be alive?" he said hypothetically, smiling widely as he looked over and out my window. "The birds are singing, the sun is out...it's just a beautiful day to be alive."

"Maybe if you're optimistic like that," I mumbled, but I'm sure he could hear it. He was always good like that, hearing things I didn't want people to hear.

"I don't think anything could make today a bad day," he said, continuing on with his delightful morning monologue.

"Having cancer could," I said, keeping my eyes diverted away. "Having cancer always makes things bad."

"Maybe if you're pessimistic like that," he responded. I slowly turned to him, not impressed by his attempt at mockery, but he just smiled at me like he always did. Then, a few minutes later, Seohyun came and added her smile to the melting pot of happiness that my room was slowly but surely becoming.

"You're late," I said teasingly but trying to sound critical. "You were supposed to be here at 8 and it's 8:03."

She just looked at me. "I'm sorry, Jongin," she said, walking over to Kyungsoo's bedside, "but I had other patients to attend to this morning. I know you understand what it's like to put people before yourself." The dramatically ironic thing is, she was trying to be sarcastic with me, but she was actually telling the truth. I did know what that was like because I did it for four years.