Oasis (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter 14 | Labels

One of the most confusing concepts in life to me is relationships, not the friendship kinds but the romantic kinds. What qualifies two people as in a relationship? Mutual affections? Hugs? Kisses? Sex? Does one person have to ask, "Will you date me?" or do two people just sort of naturally become a couple without anything being said at all?

I used to date Minhee before Cancer came along. She was nice, smart, pretty, maybe even perfect. And who wouldn't want to call a perfect person theirs? But through all the trials and treatments I barely survived before coming to the hospital, I realized something. There is no such thing as a perfect person. You know why? Because a person who is perfect, at least in my eyes, is a person who would sacrifice their own precious time just to help someone who isn't as perfect as they are. And, as it turned out, Minhee wasn't that perfect.

Kim Jongin, age 14

"Look, Jongin," she said with her head hanging low, beginning to choke on her words. "You know I care about you, right?"

"Yeah, I know," I said with a nod of my head, shifting my legs from under the covers. She moved nervously in her chair, dropping her head again and swallowing. "What's wrong?" I asked after a minute or so had passed. "Is there something you want to tell me?" She lifted her head at the sound of my voice and just stared at my patient and perplexed face.

"N-No," she said, smiling weakly at me and leaning forward to take hold of one of my hands. "There's nothing. I'm just glad you're okay."

She should have just dumped me then. I knew there was something that was weighing down her mind like a heavy rock. And after some three years of thought, I knew exactly what that something was. I think it was that smile that gave it away. Fake smiles always tell the truth when people don't.

My relationship with Minhee was probably the most mentally confusing relationship I had ever been in. But after a while, I was starting to notice that Kyungsoo was gradually climbing up that latter. Communication-wise, we still talked as if we were best friends, but after that first kiss there was an undeniable change between us. Before when we found ourselves plagued by boredom, we would just listen to music and take naps, but after that we kissed. It was odd how it came about, too. He would say, "Jongin-ah, I'm bored," and then next thing you know, we're making out on my bed. Don't get me wrong, I liked kissing him. I liked it a lot actually, more than was considered healthy probably. But it irked me that there was no name to what we were doing. No title or way to identify it, nothing. And it irked me even more that he didn't seem to be bothered by it as much as I was. Then again, there were a lot of things about Kyungsoo that irked me.

His lips were soft like clouds and sweet like sugar. They reminded me of the cotton candy I used to get at the carnival whenever I tasted them. They seemed to just melt against mine so perfectly as if they weren't made for anyone else except me.

After breaking away for the fourth or fifth time, the pace of our lips began to decelerate until he pulled away altogether, tucking his slightly swollen lips away in his mouth for a moment as he observed me with concerned eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked in a tone that suggested he already knew.

"What?" I said. "Why would you say something is wrong?"

"Why would you say something isn't wrong?" he retaliated, already starting to shoot at my defensive walls.

I gulped. "I'm fine," I said, straightening out my vertebrae. "I'm not thinking about anything."

"No, you're thinking about something," he pressed on. "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about the fact that I don't want to tell you what I'm thinking about because that would mean talking about my feelings and I don't like talking about my feelings."