Oasis (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter 12 | Like Falling Paper

Okay, before you scold me for acting like a complete wimp, put yourself in my shoes. I'll assume most of you in the audience have best friends, so let's imagine that you are in a situation like mine (but minus the Cancer because no one deserves to have that). You have this best friend and you like spending time with them as much as you possibly can. But over time, you start to think that you may be developing stronger feelings for them, more so than the words "best friends" allow. You put it off for the longest time, but eventually, those feelings get so strong that you can no longer just sit around the ignore them or suppress them. You don't want to like this person, but you can't help because you think that they must be the most amazing human being on planet earth. You don't want to ruin what you already have with them, but you can't help but want more out of your relationship; you can't help but yearn to be closer to them both physically and emotionally. What do you do? Sure, you could simply confront them directly, but that's a risky move. You see, confessing, it's a lot like chess. You have to be intelligent and cautious with the moves you make in order to keep your pieces safe from your opponent. But let's say that, like me, aren't good at chess. So, what do you do when your opponent takes all your pieces, including your king and your queen?

Kyungsoo and I continued to grow closer after the resolution to our brief awkward phase, maybe even too close. As time passed on and the days dragged by, I was beginning to feel like it was getting harder to be around him without wanting to just grab him by his shoulders and kiss him until he couldn't breathe anymore. Sounds rather aggressive, I know, but it's what I truly felt at the time and this is a recalling of my past feelings after all. I didn't know how to address my feelings toward him, nor did I know if I could ever tell him about them without putting our friendship on life support. At one time in the midst of all this inner turmoil, I realized I was stuck between two options: tell him and risk losing him or not tell him and stay in the friend zone forever. And the trouble with those was that I couldn't decipher which one was worse. The art room was my only source of refuge from the hectic reality that was my life. In there, I could be alone in peace while I freed my mind of all of those daunting and perplexing thoughts one brushstroke at a time. It was my place to find serenity in complete and total solitude--that was unless someone decided to waltz in uninvited just like Kyungsoo did that day.

"Hey, Van Gogh," he said, smiling cheekily as his steps drew closer to me, the door closing on its own. He pulled up a stool and sat next to me before attempting to get a look at my picture. "What's that you're painting?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said, quickly covering it up with a blank piece of paper; I didn't want him to see it, not yet. "It's nothing." He just looked at me questionably, his eyes narrowing and his head cocking to the side. I gulped nervously and looked away for a second. "What are you doing in here?" I asked as a way to change the subject. "Shouldn't you be practicing your music now?"

"No, I finished a little while ago," he said after shaking his head lightly, his eyes never trailing off of mine. "I came in here because I wanted to check up on you. You've been in here since lunch this afternoon."

"What can I say," I said, anxiously scratching my scalp as I chuckled, "I love to paint."

"And be alone apparently," he said with a small chortle of his own.

I looked at him. "No, no, it's not that I like to be alone," I said, finding my almost automatic opposing response to be quite surprising. "It's just...I..."

"You what?" he said, tilting his head so he could still see my face as I lowered my head toward my lap.

"I just wanted to...get away from...y-you..." I admitted slowly, hoping that didn't sound as bad as it did in my mind.

He went quiet for a second, looking both confused and slightly hurt. "You wanted to get away from m-me?" he said as if to get clarification. I nodded my head slowly, avoiding eye contact. "Well, then, um...I'm sorry if I bother you...?"