Oasis (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter 27 | Fly

There are times when I remember just sitting in his room while he slept and wondering. Wondering and trying to imagine what a world without him would look like. I couldn't do it, though. I couldn't. A world and a life without the wit and the charm and love of Do Kyungsoo was one that I was afraid to face. It was a world that my heart nor my mind could fathom being in. 

And that was how I knew that missing him would be the hardest thing I would ever go through alone.

Slowly, his condition worsened. In reality, it took about three months before the doctors officially went into quality of life mode, but to me, it felt like only a matter of days. To sit there and have to see him day after day go from the vibrant boy I fell so hard for to a boy who could barely leave the bed without feeling pain was the worst feeling anyone could ever imagine. You don't know how much I wanted to help him, take his pain away, and make him healthy again. But I couldn't do that either. And that really sucked, knowing that I couldn't do anything for the person I loved so much. 

He was pale and he was losing weight by the day it seemed. The only time he really ate was when I persuaded him to, but he wouldn't eat for any other person but me. The nurses tried to when I had to get my Chemo or eat, too, but he refused. He didn't speak much either, not to me or to anyone, which is how I could tell how badly he was feeling. He would still get worried if he woke up in the morning and I wasn't there, but since I no longer had to stay up into the depths of the night, I could make sure I was at his bedside before his eyes opened. 

The nurses told me how much of a difference I was making in him by just visiting with him and spending my days by his side on more than one occasion. But, if I'm being honest, I couldn't tell anymore at that point if me being with him 24/7 was helping or hurting him. He was blind, depressed, and dying all at the same time and there is nothing or no one in this world who can heal that mixture of agony. How could he possibly feel the slightest bit of joy in such a state? The only thing a person in his body would feel is hopeless.

"Hyung, you have to try, at least," I said, practically pleading to him now. That was one characteristic of his that never seemed to fade: his stubbornness; he would take that all the way to his grave.

"I can't," he said in a meek whispering voice. "It hurts."

"I know it hurts," I said, "but your doctors want you to get some exercise and so do I. It's not good for you to be laying in bed all the time, hyung." As he opened his mouth to speak, he let out a loud chain of harsh coughs before any words could leave his tongue.

"I can't," he said, his voice weak as he shook his head ever so faintly. "It hurts too much." I sighed and stood up, going over to his bedside and kneeling.

"I know it hurts, hyung, and I'm sorry," I said, taking his hand gently but securely in mine, "but if you can't do it for your own sake, do it for my sake." No reply came from him after that. I dropped my head and sniffled a little, trying hard to reject the tears threatening to invade my eyes. "I hate seeing you like his, hyung," I continued after I looked back up at his blank face. "You hardly move or eat...I know it's hard for you, but can you just try to get up for me? I'll take you up to the roof if you want. You haven't been up there in a while, right?" He still didn't say anything, but I heard him sigh shakily ever so lightly. "Please, hyung," I said, my voice lower in volume. "Please...just this once." He didn't say anything for a minute or so after that, but eventually, he nodded his head. I smiled a little for a second and then stood up once again.

Carefully, I helped him out of bed and onto his feet. I aided him in hooking up to his oxygen tank, the only thing keeping him alive, and then walked him out into the lobby using small steps like he did. The nurses didn't even stop to ask where we were going as we went by the nurse's station, but instead just smiled at me and gave me a small nod. That's how it worked in the hospital; the closer you were to die, the less they restricted you. It took a good fifteen minutes for us two together to make it up the stairs with both pairs of our horrible excuses for lungs. I was patient, though, when he had to stop for a minute or two to catch his breath because I knew what that felt like, to not be able to breathe.

"Ah, see, hyung?" I said once we were up there safely, the door shutting behind us. "Isn't it nice to be out in the fresh air and out of the stuffy hospital air?"

He slowly walked himself over to the roof's ledge, saying on his way, "I can't breathe." Heavily so, I sighed as I watched him. The sight of such a pathetic Kyungsoo made my heart ached from inside my chest. After he stopped there and placed his two hands on the ledge, I joined him and then we stayed quiet. "You know what the one thing I wish I could do is?" he asked me after a while, the sound of his voice taking me by surprise.

"What?" I said in reply.

"Fly," he stated in a whispering voice. He paused and smiled faintly. "I really want to fly. I bet it'd be nice to be able to float around in the air so freely and never have to worry about coming down unless it was to eat or rest." He inhaled a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Flying would be nice," he said, his eyes slowly coming open again as he exhaled. I smiled a little at him and wrapped my arm around his shoulder, gently pulling his body into mine. From that point forward, the only thing that spoke was the wind.

That night, I think he got to do what he wanted to most.

The next morning after I got Chemo and before I could make it to his room, one of the nurses at the station stopped me. "Jongin..." she said in a high, drawn-out voice. I looked her in the eyes and saw the stains of past tears, just as I did in the other nurses. Then I looked toward his room and saw the shadows of doctors inside.

"He's-" I started before I paused to let a choke pass by. "He's gone, isn't he?"

She sighed heavily and I saw her head nod from the corner of my eye. "It was last night," she said. "By the time doctors reached him, it was...it was too late." I still tried to stop the tears, but the more the news sank in the harder it became.

"He didn't even say goodbye first." That was all I could say.

A/N

Okay...I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I cried, too, believe me. It will get worse from here because now Jongin will grieve, but I promise this will end with happy spirits. DONT HATE ME IM SORRY 😭

Thank you for reading and please don't be afraid to tune in for more...I'm gonna cry now brb