Oasis (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter 30 | Tear Stain

The writings in his journal kept me transfixed. For hours on end, I would sit in my room or in the art room or wherever I happened to be at any given time and read every word he ever wrote in there. Most of them were happy memories that made me smile or laugh, but there were the few occasions when I would come across an entry he wrote on one of those depressing days most cancer kids have every once and a while. I never cried too much when I read those, but that isn't to say I didn't cry at all. 

I read it while I ate and right before I went to sleep at night, giving me at most eight hours to let it all sink in. All of the things I read in there, they made me wonder how anyone could keep it all in for so long. I knew I was good at keeping emotions in, but some of the things that he wrote about would have just been too bad for me to hold in if they happened to me. But I suppose that's all a part of the mystery of Kyungsoo. Plus, I guess after living with Cancer for 12 years, you just sort of learn to hide certain things and discern what should be told from what shouldn't be.

19/7/2011

The doctors are saying that the Cancer keeps spreading to other parts of my body without any sign of slowing down. The last place they saw traces of it was in my lungs, which would explain why I could barely breathe last night and why I had to be rushed to the emergency at three o'clock in the morning. Apparently, the spreading of the Cancer caused my lungs to fill with liquid instead of oxygen and, as a result, had a negative effect on my ability to breathe. They don't know what the liquid is exactly or why that happens, but now I have to carry around this oxygen tank for a week. After that, they said I'll only have to use it whenever I sleep or nap. Maybe I'll name it. Maybe if it has a name, it'll make using it a bit easier on me. And who knows? It might even become my friend.

I couldn't help but chuckle at the last part, shutting the journal after I put the pen and marker in place. I glanced at the clock on the wall and rubbed my eyes when I realized it was almost time for group therapy. Honestly, I missed going to group therapy with him. I missed seeing him be the first to break the awkward silences that would happen after Joonmyun asked a question no one felt comfortable answering publicly. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that he made the overall mood of going to group therapy a lot livelier.

"Jongin--oh, you're all ready," Seohyun said, stopping once she saw me stand up from tying my shoes. "This is a first. Are you actually looking forward to going to group therapy?"

I laughed sarcastically. "Is that even possible?" I said in reply, earning a small laugh from her as I walked closer to my bed.

"Well," she said as a few excess laughs left her mouth, "in any case, you better go now so you aren't late like last time."

"God," I groaned, rolling my eyes as I zipped my grey sweatshirt up. "That was beyond humiliating. Walking in right as they're talking about dying, not a coincidence if you ask me." She laughed again, this time more softly. "Wish me luck," I said, grabbing Kyungsoo's journal off my bed and walking toward the door.

"Good luck," she said.

*********

When I arrived at the church basement, I saw that the pews were more packed than before, a trend I had been noticing for quite a while at that point. I had also taken note of how much younger the newcomers appeared. It seemed Cancer got bored of teenagers and was taking on more youthful adventures.

Luckily, the pew I usually sat in was all cleared, so I went and sat there. I propped my black sneakers up on the top of the pew in front of me, pressed my back against the back of the one I was sitting in, and opened the journal again, beginning to read it shortly after Joonmyun made his introduction.