Oasis (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter 11 | Okay

Having someone ask you to kiss them, well, it's not the easiest thing to go through honestly. You may think, why? What it makes it so difficult? It's just a kiss. But, if I may defend my case, it is not just a kiss if a person who you consider to be your best friend asks for it--from you. And let me tell you, a situation where that best friend asks you to kiss them for whatever reason is quick to become awkward, complicated and an overall pain in the ass. On the one hand, you have this side of you that's all like "What are you shitting bricks about? Just do it, you fucking coward." And then you have this other side, the more rational and logical side that says "Woah, woah, woah, this your best friend, you dumbass, don't do it."

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that a question like that is not easy to answer or comprehend because it's not like other questions. It's not like asking for a hug because you're sad or a favor because you need help because they don't necessarily mean that you have romantic feelings for the person who asks you. The question of kissing, though, that's a completely different thing and it takes a completely different psychological analysis to even understand in the slightest way. A kiss is intimate, it's personal and it's affectionate. It's something that should be shared with the person you love the most, not someone who you just started feeling comfortable enough to call your best friend.

Now, I will play the devil's advocate here and say that I was having a difficult time denying the way being around Kyungsoo felt. But did that mean I wanted to kiss him? I don't know, maybe it did, but it's difficult to completely put myself back in the mindset I had when I was 17. All of that thinking and worrying proved to be pointless, though, because, after that, things between us got awkward. Not a day would pass that I wouldn't think back to that night whenever I looked at him, glanced even. Things became so cumbersome that I had to put in all the hard work of trying to keep any conversing between us short and sweet (which I hated to do because over those days I had thought of a lot of things to talk to him about).

However, no matter how much I tried, a part of me was slightly disappointed by the fact that he didn't at least attempt to break through the defensive walls I had built. I suppose I wasn't particularly upset at that fact alone, but more at the broader picture it painted for me: that he was giving up on me. And it really hurts to feel that way, to feel someone as they slowly but surely lose faith in you; it hurts more than you can probably fathom at the moment. But hey, that's what happens when your best friend asks you to kiss them.

After spending practically the whole day in the art room, I made my way back to my room, my steps slow and averse. I was kind of hoping that Kyungsoo wouldn't be in there, but I was also hoping he was so that I could finally put an end to the obnoxious silence between us--or, at least try to. When I got there, sure enough, he was in there, sitting on the tile floor and staring up at the small television that was hanging on the wall. I cocked my head at the sight and furrowed my eyebrows, feeling slightly perplexed as to why he wasn't just sitting on his bed instead. But, then again, it was Kyungsoo and if there's one thing I learned about him, it's that he always had a reason for everything he did.

As I was settling down, he spun around and looked at me, keeping his upper and lower lip glued together. The silence prevailed for a minute more once he turned back around and I knew that if he wasn't going to say anything, I had to. That's not the way it usually worked, but at that time, it was my only option if our stay at the hospital was going to be tolerable.

"You don't look very comfortable," I commented in order to break the almost week-long silence.

He twisted back around and made eye contact with me. "I am," he said plainly, shifting his torso back around and tilting his head up toward the television. I sighed a little and realized that this was going to be harder than I expected. So, gathering up my words and bravery, I walked over to where he was and sat next to him but a few centimeters behind him. As the silence continued on, I gazed at him in hopes that he would somehow change his mind and decide to speak. But he just kept his mouth shut and eyes attached to the screen.

"What are you watching?" I asked quietly, my back slightly hunched over and my hands laying inside the tiny circle that was created by folded legs.

"A horror movie," he stated without moving his eyes. "It's called Death Bell. Have you heard of it?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I don't watch a lot of horror movies."

"Why not?" he asked, his eyes still directed ahead of him.

"Because I think they're creepy," I said slowly, not wanting to sound like too much of a wimp but probably failing. "A-And plus, they give me nightmares." For some reason, that caught his attention and he turned around to look at me in the face, an amused grin gradually forming on his lips as he began to chuckle. "Why are you laughing?" I said as his laughs grew louder and more hysterical. "It's not funny."

"Yeah, but," he said in between laughs, "I think it's funny that you out of all people get scared by horror movies." He threw his head back as he continued to cackle, his hands covering his stomach. "It's hilarious."

"Yah," I scolded, inevitably feeling embarrassed even though we were the only two in the room. "You're so mean. We haven't talked in almost a week and when I finally decided to say something you just laugh at me. Some friend you are." At that, his laughter began to die down and fade away into the atmosphere somewhere.

"I'm sorry," he said with a small sigh. "It's good to know we're talking again, though. I didn't like it when we weren't." Slightly surprised, I lifted my head and looked at him, catching him right as he was turning his head to do the same.

"Y-You didn't?" I asked with a little stutter in my voice.

"No," he replied almost immediately after, shaking his head profusely. "I hated it actually. I had so much to tell you and it sucked that I couldn't." I smiled and blushed a little as my head fell toward my lap. "But I thought that I needed to give you your space and time, especially after asking something like that out of the blue." My head shot up and I saw the guilt living in his eyes.

"About that..." I started nervously, only to have cut me off.

"You don't have to explain yourself, Jongin," he said, his full attention now on me and a gentle smile gracing his lips. "I get it. I would have freaked out if I were you, too, so it's okay."

I dropped my head, sighing in heavy turmoil. "It's not that I was freaked out, per se," I said, keeping my head low as I played with my fingers, "it's just that...I've been so confused ever since I met you. I don't want to think I like you, but I feel like I do and when you asked me if I would kiss you, I guess I just got scared that I would have to face my feelings for you when I wasn't ready to." I paused and looked him in his eyes, taking note of the slight shock written on his expression. "I've never felt this way about another guy before and that's what freaks me out." He didn't say anything in response; he just continued to look at me. "Why did you ask me that anyway?" I said.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "I guess I just realized that either one of us could die any day at any time and I started thinking that what if I die without doing the things I want to do? And kissing you...that was one of those things that I wanted to do."

"W-Wait," I said, blinking my eyes, "so y-you like me, too?"

"It sure sounds like that, doesn't it?" he said with a small chuckle.

"Yeah," I said airily, nodding and diverting my eyes away as he let out another chuckle.

"So, are we okay now?" he asked after a second. For a moment, I only stared at him, thinking about what it would mean for us if I said yes. It would mean a lot of things, some of them unfortunate, but in the end, it would mean that I, at least, had him in my life, and honestly, that's all I really wanted in that moment.

"Yeah," I said, smiling faintly and nodding my head. "We're okay, hyung."

A/N

Okay, I swear their first kiss was going to be in this chapter, but I just felt like since Jongin wasn't ready to confront his feelings for Kyungsoo, it would be best if I put it off for one more chapter. I will definitely work it into the next chapter, though, so don't worry! :)

Thanks so much for reading and I'm sorry if this chapter was bad :\ I will be back on Thursday, though, with their kiss (hopefully)! <3