Oasis (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Epilogue

Kim Jongin, age 26

For the rest of my life after he died, I kept his journal with me everywhere I went. I carried it in my bag whenever I traveled, even if it was only to the coffee shop a few blocks away from my apartment. I'd read it like an overly devoted Christian reads the Bible; over and over again, finding the same words there but discovering new meanings and messages each time and conjuring up old memories I had of our short time together.

I always thought the last entry was the shortest one, but one day, I was flipping through the remaining pages aimlessly when I stumbled across another one; the only one I hadn't noticed before. That was probably because it was written on a page preceded by several blank ones. I'm sure he had some sort of reason for doing that knowing him. Eyebrows furrowed, I spread the pages apart, hunched my back as I brought my legs up to my chest, and began reading it.

15/1/2012

Tomorrow is the day. Doom Day. Well, at least my own personal Doom Day. I spent the whole of today just looking around, going for walks outside and around the hospital, looking at Jongin's paintings in the art room. Anything I could do to cherish the last hours I have with my vision. This is what sucks the most about having incurable eye cancer. Being born blind would have been more bearable. I would have never gotten to see the world at all, but being blind like this hurts a little more. I've thought about this moment a lot, the moment where I realize I'll be seeing for the last time ever and I've always imagined how sad it would be. But no thought I've ever had could ever compare to how bad the reality of it is.

It's night now and Jongin is asleep beside me. I'm afraid to look over at him because I know I won't ever be able to see him again except in my mind. But the more I write, the more I think having him as my last visual memory wouldn't be such a bad thing after all. He is beautiful after all and it's only five past nine, which means I have a few hours until I have to sleep. Plenty of time to take in his every feature and burn it into my memory permanently so I can pull it out whenever I feel sad or miss my vision more than usual.

Yeah. I think I'll do that. That sounds like a better use of the time I have left.

I chuckled, thinking it would help get rid of my tears or at least stop them from falling. It didn't work as well as I had hoped, admittedly. I closed the journal and laid down in my bed, laying my hands under my head as I turned on my side. I wondered what it would have been like to be awake at that moment. Awkward probably, even for how close we were.

For a moment, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine it, him laying beside me. He'd probably be smiling faintly and then I'd ask him why and he'd say no reason. I opened my eyes again and there he was, doing exactly that, smiling at me for no particular reason, at least one he wouldn't tell me. So, instead of wasting my breath and asking, I just smiled back at him, branding this image of him into my mind forever.

A/N

This was an impromptu decision because I was thinking about how someone who left a comment about how they wondered if Jongin was the last thing Kyungsoo saw and yeah. So here's this :) I hope you are all staying safe!!