Oasis (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter 15 | Pain

She couldn't speak. There were not words for her to mutter or mumble. She was just silent. But what can you possibly say to the guy whose heart you broke by running off with his best friend while he was battling Cancer? At least to me, the silence fit her very well.

"Are you here to say sorry or something?" I continued, liberating the all pent up rage I had for her. "Do you want to apologize now because you think that it will somehow magically take away all of the guilt you feel? Is that it? Because if it is, you might as well save your breath."

"No, that's not what I want, Jongin," she said in a somewhat loud voice, tears building up in her eyes as they connected with mine. "I mean...it is, but I know that it won't happen." Huh. I scoffed. As if I would fall for that trick. I may have been 17 at the time, but let me tell you this, living with Cancer for three years had taught me a valuable lesson and it was not to let people fuck with your feelings just because they shed a few tears for you.

"Then what do you want from me?" I asked, already wanting her to leave. Her mouth opened, but she stuttered and choked on her thoughts before she actually spoke them.

"The truth is, Jongin, that I..." She paused to swallow and blink. "I...I feel awful for what I did to you three years ago...leaving you alone like that. It was stupid and selfish and I've hated myself every day for it ever since."

"Good," I deadpanned with a faint nod of my head and serious eyes. "You deserve to hate yourself." She remained mute until she sniffled, a tear traveling slowly down her cheek. I knew she was probably going to start balling at some point in time, but I could have cared less. Sounds harsh, right? But trust me, if you were me then, you would have felt the same way.

You might be wondering, do I still feel the same way now? Well, it depends on what kind of day I'm having. 

"How have you been?" she asked meekly, changing the subject.

"Fine." I sighed and turned back toward my painting. All I had down so far was the outline of the pair of lungs and the thin lines of the chains that were compressing them together. I would go back and add detail later. "How's Baekhyun?" I asked. My question, I knew, caught her off guard and I could tell because her eyelashes trembled as her eyes met the side of my face. I sighed again. "I haven't heard from him since the day I saw him at the museum. It's unfortunate that you couldn't make it, I would have been great to see you two together out in the light. Really beautiful, I bet."

Her breath hitched. She swallowed. "Y-Yeah," she stuttered, "I-I was on a college visit that day, so I couldn't go." I didn't say anything in reply to that. "H-He's fine, though. He told me he saw you. That's why I came here."

"Because he told you to?" I said, looking at her with raised and unimpressed eyebrows.

"No, because he made me think of you," she said and I nodded in understanding. "Look, about that-"

"I don't want to hear it," I said, cutting her off before the words could even reach her tongue. I shook my head. "I already know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it."

She inhaled sharply. She lowered her head and sniffled. "I wanted to tell you that I liked him, but when you told me about the cancer, I just...I just couldn't. I-I couldn't leave you for your best friend after finding out about the cancer."

"So, you decided to wait a month, stick by my side, and then leave me for him instead?" I said, meeting her still tearing eyes with my infuriated ones. "It was a good plan, I'll admit, but unfortunately for you two lovebirds, it didn't work so well, did it?"

"Jongin, I never wanted to hurt you," she said. "We never wanted to hurt you."

"Well, you did," I said, finally letting my mind release all the pain my heart had stored. "I honestly thought I would be okay. You know, I had you and Baekhyun and my family to support me, so I'd be okay. I'd survive. But then I realized I was all alone in this. The minute you decided not to come back, I knew I was alone." I blinked my eyes a few times to push back the tears threatening to come through. "And it hurt because I didn't think having cancer would cause me so much pain, but it did because it...it pushed all the people I loved away from me and I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't tell it to go away or beg you to come back...I couldn't do anything but lay in that bed and try not to cry while I got Chemo."

"Jongin..."

"Do you even know how bad you hurt me, Minhee?" I said, looking her directly in her tear-stained and red face. "Do you know how much it sucks to have the people you thought cared about you leave for dead when you need them the most? I thought Baekhyun might do it, but you...I never thought you would. I never thought you would..." My voice trailed off as I turned my face, and at that point, I knew I was done talking to her. "Get out," I said as I picked up my brush.

She looked at me. "What?" she said in a quiet whisper.

"You heard me, get out," I said. "I don't want to see you right now or ever again, so go. Get out of here."

"But I..." she said, making my sigh loudly in annoyance. "I didn't even get to say I was sorry."

"You made your point pretty clear, so go," I said coldly and wholeheartedly. She just sat there and stared at me as if she was trying to beg for one extra minute. "Leave or else I'll leave first." That must have struck something in her and after sitting for a moment or two more, she stood up, grabbed her purse, and left the art room. Seohyun came in not even a minute later.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you two, but-" She came to a halt when she looked around and saw I was alone. "What happened to that girl?" she asked with a perplexed expression.

"She left," I said, sighing both physically and mentally as I spun around in my chair to look at her. "What's up?"

"Oh, well, I was going to say that it's time for your chemo," she said.

"Okay, just let me clean up and go to the bathroom and I'll be there," I replied.

"Okay, try to be quick, though," she said, standing erect again. "It's important we keep up with your times."

"I know," I said, getting off my chair and covering my painting. She walked away a few seconds later. I collected the brushes I used in my hand and washed them over by the sink, laying them on next to each other neatly on the paper towel afterward. I rinsed my hands off next and then exited the art room, turning left to go toward the bathroom instead of right. I spent two or three minutes in there before I started to leave, but I saw Minhee leaving the girls' bathroom, which was right beside the boys', and stepped back in until she disappeared.

But what happened next is something that I'll never forget.

"Excuse me," Kyungsoo said, tapping her shoulder with a smile on his lips. She turned around and looked at him up and down with confused eyes. "You're Minhee, right?"

"Yeah, who are you?" she said.

"Oh, that's not important because you'll never see me again after this," he said, shaking his head a little but still smiling. "I know you came to see Jongin and I know what happened between you, but, while I may have no right to say this, I think it's best if you don't come back. He's been through so much already and still is and I think having you around will only bring him more pain than he deserves to feel." I could feel a few tears enter my eyes at his few words, but I blinked them away for the most part. Minhee didn't say anything after that. She stood there in silence for a second or two before turning around and heading for the elevator. Kyungsoo was watching her leave as I quietly and slowly stepped out from behind the wall, and when he turned his head that way he saw me.

He smiled at me and I just stared at him, feeling the tears coming back the longer I did.

"Hyung..." I whispered with glossy eyes, no longer able to keep myself together. His smile faded slightly, but he walked the few steps distance closer to me and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. He didn't say anything. He just stood there and hugged me. And somehow, that one hug made my ten more bricks fall off my wall and shatter into pieces. I put my arms around him, too, and laid my chin on his shoulder, surrendering to my tears.

And that was how I fell in love with Do Kyungsoo.

A/N

I was going to have more emotion in this, but I feel like for right now, I put just enough in so that you guys can see the progress Jongin is making with Kyungsoo.

Okay, I am like totally obsessed with song E.R by Dalmatian and I can no longer stand it. Have you ever just found that one song that makes go, "Where have you been all my life?" Well, that's how I feel at the moment.

Thank you all for tuning in to this chapter and I hope you liked it! :D Until next time, I bid you goodbye! <3