Oasis (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter 25 | Soon

The doctors kept him in the ICU for a couple days after his admission just to make sure there was nothing more to be concerned with for the time being. They then ended up moving him after all to the emergency patient ward, or the ward for the suicidal patients as I called it. (I would know because I spent a week there once before.) It was there that they placed him because they decided that he could no longer be trusted to be on his own or in the care of someone with no medical degree. They put him on new meds, too, that would supposedly keep the liquid out of his lungs since they weren't able to get all of it on the night he was admitted. He was no longer allowed to remove his oxygen tubes for the same reason; they had to stay in at all times.

That is, unless he wanted to die.

After receiving Chemo each morning from that point on, I would go to the emergency patient ward and sit with him for the day. I'd talk to him about how my day was and the new paintings I was working on at the time, and then bring him to lunch at noon. Between the two of us, we probably ate exactly one full meal because neither of us had an appetite. That's one of the many things Chemo does besides work properly. 

Sometimes I'd carry my easel and a few supplies from the art room and paint in his room while he wrote in his journal. Those times were my favorite times because the only thing that existed between us wasn't Pain or Love or Misery; it was Silence.

When nighttime fell, I had to go back to my room because I wasn't what the hospital considered an "emergency patient." I had gotten accustomed to sleeping alone again, but I couldn't always stop myself from glancing over at the empty bed that used to be his and, on desperate occasions, going over and falling asleep on it.

One night, I was awoken by the lights turning on without warning and the clatter of footsteps. "Jongin," Seohyun's whispering voice said to me in an urgent way. "Jongin, wake up. It's Kyungsoo." As soon as his name traveled through my ears and into my brain, I turned toward her and sat up slowly.

"Huh?" I said drowsily but still beginning to panic inside. "What's going on? What happened to Kyungsoo? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine, but he keeps calling out for you," she explained. "The doctors in the emergency patients ward are trying to calm him and get him to sleep, but he won't listen." I just kind of looked at her for a moment before turning away and rubbing my tired face with my hands.

"Okay," I said, scooting to the edge and sliding off of it. "Take me to him." I slid on my slippers as she nodded and then we headed to the elevator, which would take us to the ward. Once the bell sounded, signaling our arrival, she led me over to his room, not that she needed to since it was practically my millionth visit there.

"See?" she said as we stepped into the room of two or three doctors trying to restrain him. I was barely able to stand the sight for the five seconds I stood there. Okay, maybe he was acting a bit irrational, but no person had the right to touch him like that. Absolutely no one.

"Hey," I said somewhat loudly, instantly getting their attention. "Don't be so forceful with him, he's not a rag doll." A couple of them looked rather taken back, probably by my informal tone and word choice, but I could have cared less. They weren't my doctors. I went over to him and could see the distress on his face. It's truly awful seeing someone you love so much in that state, especially when that someone is supposed to be happy all the time. 

I closed the distance between us and pulled his body against mine, allowing him to lean on it like a crutch. "Jongin," he said, sniffling and sighing into the crook of my neck. 

"Hyung," I replied. I pulled back and positioned my hands in a loose position on his neck, gently grazing my fingers across his pale skin. He didn't say anything. I turned to the other people in the room and said, "You can go now. I'll take care of him." They looked hesitant, especially those doctors, but luckily Seohyun was there to back me up. Once they left and closed the door, I turned back to him. "Hyung, what happened?" I asked, still close to him in proximity. "You scared me half to death."

He lowered his head for a second and shrugged. "I don't know," he said lethargically. "They were just giving me my medicine and I started freaking out. Maybe it was a chemical reaction to it, but one minute I'm fine and the next I feel like jumping out the window." He became silent for a moment before lifting his head again with a shaking voice. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Jongin," he said. "I feel like I'm losing my mind and I don't know what to do with myself anymore."

"Hyung..." I said, my voice trailing off. He stepped back, removing his body from mine, and strolled to another part of the room, his fingers running through his disheveled hair. 

"I mean, look at me, Jongin," he said, spinning back around toward me. "I'm blind, I can barely breathe on my own...I'm pathetic. I'm the most pathetic person in the world, yet I manage to act so happy in front of everyone else." He paused to sigh heavily. "Well, you know what, I'm done being happy. I'm just going to be depressed and sad and morbid."

"Don't say that, hyung," I said, taking a few steps toward him. "Don't say that...you don't want to be all those things, do you? You don't want to be like me."

"Like you?" he said. "Jongin, you are the bravest person I know to wake up every day and walk around like you aren't ready to just die...I can't do that, not like you can."

"Well, I wouldn't say I'm so good at pretending, but thanks, I guess," I said. He chuckled airily at that, but his smile faded as soon as his laughter did. I looked down and scratched at my nails. "It's hard, sometimes," I said to him with my head still lowered, "pretending to act strong when all you want to do is break down. Your body is telling you it can't hold on anymore, but you know you have to stay strong because if you don't, no one else around you will."

He nodded slowly, stifling out another sniffle. "I've never said this to anyone before," he said, lowering then lifting his head in my direction, "but I'm really scared, Jongin. I'm really...I'm really scared that I'm gonna die soon."

"Hyung..." I said, feeling tears poke at my eyes. I walked over to him and took him in my arms tightly, pressing his head against my chest and silently telling him it was okay to cry. But as he cried and cried and cried, I couldn't help but feel scared, too.

A/N

So, this chapter wasn't as emotional as I wanted it to be, but I like it because we got to see Kyungsoo's more vulnerable side. 

At this point, I don't know how many chapters are left, but I would say not too many...there will definitely be more intense angst coming soon, but then I'd say we're almost drawing to a close. I'm still thinking through it, but I'll let you guys know when I come up with something more official :)

Sorry if I made you cry or anything, but thanks for reading anyway! I'll be back soon with more! ^^