Shattered

Oh memories

The next morning, Cherry forces me out of bed and after a lot of asprin, I help her make breakfast. I brush my teeth with the toothbrush I left here a while ago and, after washing my face, Cherry drives me to the hospital. I go to get out of the car but before I do, she grabs my hand. "You can do this." she says. I smile, "Thank you for everything. I'll call you later." After that, I close the door and make my way up to Soda's room. Darry and Two-Bit are asleep with their heads resting in their hands. Soda is sleeping too. I shake Darry awake. "Hey, you and Two-Bit should go back to the house and get some sleep. Two-Bit doesn't seem himself." I say. Darry rubs his eyes and yawns, "Are you sure you'll be okay?" he asks. I nod, "Soda is sleeping anyway." "Okay, we'll be back in a couple of hours then. I'll bring you some clothes." Darry says before standing up and stretching. He gives me a tight hug before waking Two-Bit up. "See you later, Pony." Two-Bit croaks groggily. I wave lazily and they shuffle out the door, completely exhausted. I sit in a chair and flip through a magazine that one of the nurses probably left behind. A few minutes later, Soda suddenly lets out a scream. I jump to a standing position, startled. Soda is breathless and looks like he might be sick. His eyes are wild and he scans the room. He only calms down when he sees me. I move towards him and he grabs me by the wrist before closing his eyes and taking a few shaky, slow breaths. "Hey, are you okay? Do you need me to get the nurse?" I ask. Soda shakes his head, "I'm sorry, this happens everytime I wake up. I get horrible night terrors." I nod and slowly sit down. How long has this been going on? Soda mentioned it so casually. "I'm really sorry about yelling at you last night. I didn't want to you to have to see me like this. But it isn't like you to listen anyways." he says, smiling widely.
I laugh and just want to hug him. I've missed that smile so much. "Soda, I am so, so sorry that I didn't try to talk to you. You can hate me if you want to and I'll understand. I just couldn't handle someone else leaving." I say, my throat closing up slightly. Soda squeezes my arm weakly, "Ponyboy, it's okay. It's really okay. I'm not mad. I understand. That's why I went with Steve. I couldn't handle losing someone else either." I nod because everything clicks into place, "We think more alike then I thought."
Tears fill my eyes and Soda squeezes my hand. It's okay." he says, silently forgiving me. We sit like that for a while, just enjoying each other's presence. The nurse comes into the room a few minutes later and I back up to give her some space. She looks at her chart, "Okay, Mr. Curtis, I need to roll you over so you don't get bed sores and I'll be doing this every couple of hours. Oh and my name is Alice." She pulls down this sling-like contraption from the ceiling and pulls the covers off of Soda. He looks away immediately and she begins her poking and prodding at his leg. Soda hisses in pain and I give him my hand which he squeezes tightly. "I'm sorry, I just need to make sure things are healing correctly. Everything feels good, I just need to change this bandage." she says, unwrapping the dressing on Soda's stump. I look at the bloody, messy thing and it makes my stomach turn. Soda sees my expression and looks concerned, "How does it look, Pony?" "Better than it did when you first got here." I say and Soda seems satisfied. Alice puts on gloves and picks up the leg. Immediately, Soda's eyes roll back and he goes limp. The nurse doesn't seem concerned and finishes rebandaging it before putting his leg in the dangling sling-thing so it's elevated and won't swell. Then, she rolls Soda onto his side so he is facing me. "Okay, I'm just going to give him some more morphine and when I come back in a hour, I'll roll him back and we'll give him something to eat." she says before injecting the drugs into his I.V and walking out of the room. I rest my forehead on the edge of the bed and try and hide my tears from Soda even though I know he was asleep. Man if this is rough for me, I can't imagine the hell that Soda is going through. I watch as my tears drip onto the ground and will myself to pull it together. Alice comes back an hour later and Darry and Two-Bit still aren't here. She rolls Soda onto his back and shakes him gently to wake him up. He's still groggy and when he starts talking, I realize he's as high as a kite. Soda strokes my face with the back of his hand and smiles, "Hey Dad, how'd I do? Did you see me? Did you see me score that touchdown?" I cough a couple times and bite my lip to keep from crying again. All it seems I can do these days is cry and I hate it. I look at Soda and sigh. Everyone has always said I look like my Dad. God, I wish my Dad was here right now. I look at Alice. Play along, she mouths. I turn back to Soda. "Yeah, you looked awesome out there, kiddo." I say. Soda leans back onto his pillows and seems so peaceful. "Hey Dad, I saw you the other day." he says, switching topics.
"Oh yeah, where?" I ask. "When I was in the jungle! There was this loud noise and I called out for you and you just showed up! They didn't know who I was talking about but they said whoever was with me definitely kept me alive." "Who said that?" I ask, afraid to know the answer. "The doctors, the ones who fixed my leg." Soda informs me with a soft smile on his face. "I was ready to go with you but they wouldn't let me. I'm sorry Dad. I wish I could've, I just miss you and Mom so much." All of a sudden, it clicks. Jungle, Dad, doctors. Soda must've seen Dad after he stepped on that land mine. Soda had almost died, he was ready to let go. "I love you but I'm glad you didn't come with me. You need to stay with your brothers and let them take care of you. I have to go now but I love you." I say, my voice and my body both trembling. Soda nods, "I love you too Dad. Tell Mom I love her also." I nod, let go of Soda's hand and rush out of the room. I have to get out of here, I can't breathe. I turn the corner and slam right into Darry. "Whoa!" he says, taken off guard. "Wait, Ponyboy?" Darry exclaims, recognition taking over. "What happened?" he asks.