Shattered

try leaving

I run in the direction of my house, deciding I would hitchhike my way out to the country. I continue running and when I run past my house, I look in the window and I see nothing. No one is in the kitchen or the living room, no one is smoking or yelling or playing poker. Everyone is just sleeping. That's what bothers me the most about these last few months. What I used to love about my situation is that, yes, my parents died a horrible death and my brothers were working themselves to death to put me through school but I had six of my favorite people (six because Steve never liked me nor did I like him) to help me through it and to cheer me up. More recently, after Dally and Johnny died, I could still rely on four of those people for anything (again more like three because Steve didn't like me much then either). Now, it's like everyone is barely a shadow of who they used to be and I hate it. Two-Bit doesn't stay out late to mess with pretty Soc girls or to drink until three o'clock in the morning, he barely tells jokes now because he realized life isn't a joke. Soda can't even drive a car or do a flip anymore so being reckless is most likely not an option for him. Everyone I know is broken and it hurt like hell to watch them break. Now, all I want to do is fix everyone but I don't know where to start. They're to far gone. My opd life was like and ocean and now the tides are dragging me down. I'm gonna drown if i stay here any longer. I can't keep picking up the shattered remains of the people i once loved. Ot hurts me, cuts me, beats me. I turn away from the house and continue running, I begin thinking about the countryside. I think about my parents and how much fun Darry, Soda, and I had everytime we went there. Come on pony. Don't do it ponyboy, don't turn around . You can finally be done with this place. I think bitterly to myself. I try and fight against the voices in my head but, after a few more steps, I go with my gut and turn around. The country wouldn't be that great without Darry and Soda anyways. Or Johnny, I add in my head. Sadness seizes my heart as I remember Johnny telling me about how he'd never been anywhere but Tulsa or Windrixville. I wanted to show him the countryside so badly. I wanted Johnny to be happy. I like to think Johnny's sprit is at the vacant lot, or cinema at the very least. But I like to believe he's in the country, smiling at the bright sunset with dally by his side, holding his tender hand. I shake myself out of my negative thoughts as I make a steady run through the gated entrance to my house, my feet slapping noisily against the ground. I slow to a walk and I go inside and sneak upstairs quietly, trying not to wake Soda or Steve who are sleeping in the living room. When I make it to my room, Darry is asleep on the floor in the exact same position he was in when I left. He was a light sleeper. Anything could wake him up. It all started when i would wake him up screaming over my nightmares. I am about to slip into my bed and pretend that this night didn't happen when someone lets out a huge snore. I lift up my covers and see that Two-Bit has already fallen asleep in my bed. I lean back, gather all of my strength, and roll him off the side of the bed as hard as I can. I burst out laughing as Two-Bit falls because all I can see is a twister of flailing arms and legs. Two-Bit sits up and looks around sleepily, obviously confused about what just happened. He see's me standing by the side of the bed laughing and he narrows his eyes. "You." He whispers menacingly. "That...th...that'll teach you not to sleep in my bed again." I manage to wheeze out. "That's it." Two-Bit says, standing up and leaping onto the bed. I stumble backwards into Darry in surprise and I fall flat on my ass. There is a huge noise when I land and Darry sit upwards abruptly, startled by the commotion. I start laughing harder and Two-Bit starts laughing a little himself. "Where'she the fire?" Darry asks drowsily, rubbing his eyes. I laugh so hard that, soon, tears are streaming down my cheeks. Two-Bit sobers up first and lunges for me again but I jump to my feet and manage to dodge him. I turn and run down the stairs, Two-Bit hot on my tail. I'm about to pick up speed and sprint into the kitchen when Two-Bit launches himself off the bottom step and makes a dive for my ankles. He latches onto me and I am thrown to the ground. I land on my right side and the wind is knocked out of me a little but I still can't stop laughing. I laugh so hard that no noise comess out and I can't breathe. I see Two-Bit struggling to hold back his own laughter and that only makes the situation more hilarious. Two-Bit sits firmly on my chest, "Apologize for interrupting my beauty sleep. Also, do you know that you could've done some serious damage? My ass is one of my best asset. It's quite the lady charmer, as you probably already know." He says, wiggling his ass a little to emphasize his point. "Get off of me, you're too heavy." I groan. "And the only thing I've seen you do with your butt is sit around all day and watch Mickey Mouse. Two-Bit laughs and pins my arms behind me, "Take it back." "Never." I say before I grunt and push Two-Bit off of me and pin him onto the ground. Two-Bit tries to push me off him and we wrestle on the ground for a while, trying to see who would be the first to give end up rolling around and knocking into almost everything in sight, creating quite the racket. Someone clears their throat and I look up and see Darry, Soda, and Steve standing over us, not looking very happy. I guess Two-Bit and I woke everyone up. "Did you guys really have to fight now?" Darry asks, rubbing his face in frustration. I stand up and reach out a hand to help Two-Bit off the ground. "We weren't really fighting." I say with a sheepish smile. "That's it, everyone back to bed! It's still dark out, dammit!" Darry yells, stomping up the stairs. Soda and Steve slink away and Two-Bit and I go back up to my room. Darry and Two-Bit both fall asleep on the floor and I get the bed to myself. Before I go to bed, I smile to myself, happy over the idea that maybe things could go back to normal. No matter how happy I am, I can't shake the nagging feeling of guit I have for almost leaving. I toss and turn all night, wondering if I should tell Darry.