Shattered

sometimes goodbye mean a new hello

I drive to the hospital with the pedal pressed to the floor. I whip through the dusty back roads, trying desperately not to panic. I pull into the parking lot of the hospital and am about to run in and get a nurse when I hear Curly say something in the back seat. I open the door and Curly starts coughing. He covers his mouth with his hand and when he pulls his hand away, there's blood. I turn to go but he reaches out and grabs my arm. He takes a sharp, short breath and then he stops. He stops breathing and a strangled noise escapes his throat. His hand slips off my arm and he goes limp. A tear slips down my cheek and I know it's over. Curly is gone. With slow steps and a heavy heart, I trudge into the hospital. I reach the nurses' station and can't bring myself to look in the lady's eyes. "Hello sir, how may I help you?" she asks. My whole body wants to give in, to cry and break. I want to but I can't bring myself to it "Um..there was an uh, an accident. My friend was uh... in an accident. He's um, well he's in my car and I don't think he's breathing." I say, struggling to find the right words. I can't think right now. The nurse dials someone and I zone out again.
"Sir, SIR! I need you to tell this man where your car is, please." the nurse says. I look up and there is a whole team of people waiting by a stretcher. I turn and jog out of the hospital and they follow behind me. When we reach Darry's truck, they set to work and I can't do anything but stand here. I watch a man check for Curly's pulse and then watch him shake his head. I think I feel something inside of me snap. The team of people pull Curly out of the car and lay him on a stretcher. They pull a sheet over his head and are going to start wheeling him away but I step in front of them.
"Wait." I say, reaching over and pulling the sheet off of Curly's face. A chill runs up my spine when my eyes meet his open ones. I gently close his eyes before putting the sheet back. The strangers rush away with Curly's body and I climb back in the truck and let my forehead fall against the steering wheel. The horn goes off with my head now pressed to it. In seconds it's all over. A decade of friendship is gone. A decade. Gone in seconds, just like that. Just like Johnny. Just like Dally. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it all. I start the car and drive to the one place where I know I can lose it. I start my drive to the open lot. THE PLACE I LOST DALLY, THE PLACE WHERE I FELT CLOSEST TO JOHNNY. i change my mind and drive to the park. When I get there, I walk over to the fountain where I was almost drowned and thought about how nice it would be if I could finish the job for those Socs right now. I look at the blood on my arm and I suddenly feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I plunge my hand into the water and scrub my arm until it's raw and all traces of Curly are gone. I couldn't save him. I was late, I'm always too late to help anyone. I look at the water and it seems so tempting. I just want to feel clean. I stick my legs into the fountain and a shiver runs up my spine. It's so cold. I climb in all the way up to my knees and sit down so the water is up to my shoulders. I slink down until my head is underwater and I scrub my hair until it free of all the hair oil. I want to become someone else, someone with no blood on their hands, someone with no guilt. I bring my head above the water and just sit here, relishing in the sting of the cold against my skin. I close my eyes and when I finally do open them, I feel numb. I let my head roll back against the cool stone and submerge myself again. I wonder what would happen if I stayed under here. I hold my breath and start to count to thirty.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight

Nine.

T-

Suddenly, there is a hand pulling me out of the water by my collar. The person drags me over the edge of the fountain and drops me in a heap on the ground. I break into a coughing fit and begin to shiver violently once the air hits my ice cold skin. "I hitchhiked all the way back to this shit hole of a town, excited to get home and see everyone after everything I've been through and what's the first thing I see? You trying to drown yourself in a fountain, a fountain for crying out loud! That's it, let's go. You fucking dumb ass kid. " The person says in almost one breath and I look up quickly in disbelief. "Steve? Where did you come from?" I croak, rubbing my throat where my shirt had dug into my neck. Steve doesn't answer and pulls me up by one arm. I didn't think it was possible but Steve has actually gotten stronger. He throws open the passenger side door of Darry's truck, throws me inside, and slams the door shut. I barely have time to blink before Steve throws the car into gear and takes off down the road. Why didn't I take the keys out of the ignition? He immediately starts driving like a mad man. I was scared and surprised, the old Steve would never hurt a car but he did. He was swerving side to side and slamming on the brakes randomly. I'm getting thrown around like a rag doll. I slam into the window, then into the dashboard, and am launched back into my seat. Suddenly, Steve turns slightly and we are now headed for a tree. It's a few hundred feet away but at the the speed we're going, it won't take us long to get there. "Slow down, are you crazy?" I scream. "Oh now you value your life, huh?" Steve asks.
"Steve!" I yell. "Ponyboy, do you promise not to do anything that stupid, crazy, or idiotic ever, and I mean EVER, again?" He roars. The tree is only about a hundred feet away now. "YES, JUST STOP!" I scream and Steve slams on the brakes. I am headed for the windshield head first but Steve reflexively sticks his arm out and stops me just in time. When we do finally stop, I swear the front bumper is just inches away from the tree. "You're not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what the hell is going on here." Steve growls, his chest rising and falling quickly, pulsing with adrenaline.