Shattered

remember when

Silence, it was pure silence and it was killing me. Steve broke the silence. "Ponyboy what the hell is going on!?" I sighed and put my head in my hands. I think Steve has finally lost it. "Well, do you know about Soda's leg?" I ask, not knowing where to start.
Steve nods. "I was the one who tried to save him. Someone took a shot at Soda's head and I pushed him out of the way. I got this little beauty." Steve says, chuckling a little before lifting up his shirt. I wince when I see the tender, pink scar on his abdomen.
"You got shot?" I ask in disbelief. He shook his head. "Don't change the topic, kid." He said softly. "I'll talk after you do!" I retaliated with bitterness in my words. I only wanted to know what happened to steve because that way I would understand soda more. He closed his eyes, his green eyes were no longer wild, they were a lot like Dally's, cold. " I'll talk," he started and opened his eyes. He took a sharp breathe and continued. "Soda, he always has to one up everyone and he landed on a freaking land mine after I pushed him out of the way of the bullet." Steve says, chuckling sadly. "That was one of the worst days of my life. After I was shot, I fell and couldn't find Soda because the grass was so damn high. All I could do is lay there, knowing my best buddy was dying somewhere out there without me. Eventually, I was taken to the hospital and it took me six days to find out that Soda had been flown back home after his first surgery. I remember feeling like I could burst I was so happy, i mean my best buddy was alive. This wound was my ticket home. A few weeks later, I was relieved of my duties and sent home on the first flight back. Now, I'm sitting in this car with you, wondering why the hell I had to pull you out of a fountain. Oh, that reminds me. Here." Steve says, taking off his army jacket and tossing it into my lap. "You're letting me keep it?" I asked and he shook his head. "No stupid, put it on before you catch a fucking cold." "Thanks." I say sarcastically, my teeth chattering. I take off my sweatshirt and then peel my T-shirt off my skin and pull it over my head. I put on Steve's jacket and immediately feel a million times better. "You're gonna talk now, pony." I took a deep breath and began. "Curly tried to steal some drugs and got himself beat up pretty bad. He came to the house asking for me to help him. I was about to stitch him up when Soda came in, saw all the blood, and completely flipped. He started screaming his head off and when I tried to stop him, he kicked me in the face and tried to choke me to death. Darry came home just in time and pulled him off of me." I tell Steve and he runs his hands down his face.
"Is that how you got those nasty bruises?" I nod and he winces before looking out the window and gesturing for me to continue. "Darry had to force Soda to take a sedative and then I had to drive Curly to the hospital. He didn't make it, he died in the backseat in the hospital parking lot." I say, wiping at the tears dripping down my face. "The backseat of this car?" Steve asks, turning around to see the blood still on the seat and I nod. "Jesus, I'm so sorry Ponyboy." He says reaching over the center console of the car to pull me into a hug and I'm taken by surprise. It isn't like Steve to be this nice to me, or as a matter of fact, nice at all. Steve was emotionless except with Soda and his long term girlfriend Evie, steve and her were already engaged. I guess the war has changed more than just Soda. "Welcome to the glorious life of living in Tulsa, Oklahoma, kid." Steve says with another sad laugh. Something is bothering me and I can't quite put my finger on it. As Steve keeps talking, it finally hits me. "Steve." I say as a feeling of ice cold panic and grief rushes through my veins. Steve let go of me and sat back in his seat, "What's wrong?" "Tim and Angela don't know yet." I say and watch as the heaviness of my words hits him. "Steve, I have to be the one to tell him and her." I say softly. Steve nods in understanding and starts the car. We drive slowly and we went back to complete silence as we drove to the Shepard house. When we get there, I stumble out of the car and trudge up the porch steps before knocking on the door lightly. Tim opens the door, "What the hell do you want?" "Tim, I'm so sorry." I say, choking on my words a little.
"C'mon what is it? Spit it out." Tim asks, taking a drag of his cigarette before he leans against the doorframe. "Tim, Curly is dead. He got in a bad scrape and came to me for help. He died on the way to the hospital. I'm so sorry." I say, trailing off when Tim drops his cigarette. He looks as if he might collapse. "It can't be him. That's crazy talk. Where's my little brother? WHERE IS HE?" Tim yells, grabbing me by the collar of my jacket. Angela ran to him, she hewrd his screams. "Tim! What the hell is going on!" She screeched and looked at me. "This little shit said Curly is dead!" Angela looks at me then spits on me. "To think I ever liked you!" She ran off. " Tim growled at me. "Where is my brother!" He screamed in anger. "His body is at the hospital." I say with a heavy heart. Those words feel so wrong on my tongue. Tim shoves me to the side, staggers down the stairs, and climbs into his sorry excuse for a car. I watch as he tears down the road, wondering where he could possibly be going. I can't bring myself to move and after what feels like an eternity, I hear a car door open.
Steve comes up behind me and shuts the door. Then, he puts a hand on my shoulder and pulls me away from the house, "C'mon let's go home." I turn and allow him to lead me back to the car. I can't function right now. When we get back to the house, it takes all the strength I have left to step out of the car. I see Darry look out the window and a few momens later, he throws open the door. "Ponyboy, why the hell are you soaking wet? What happened?" He asks, rushing over and examining me. Then, Darry looks up and sees Steve. "Steve, where the hell did you come from?" He asks, laughing as he pulls him into a huge hug. "How long have you been back?" Darty asks excitedly, holding him at arm's length. "Not long, just back today. This little guy was my ticket outta there." Steve says, laughing a little as he shows Darry the same scar he showed me. They keep talking but I stop listening. I start walking up the stairs to the house and don't stop moving until I reach my room. I take a look around and suddenly I'm flooded with an intense feeling of rage. I let put a scream and punch the wall. I punch it repeatedly until I leave a hole in the drywall, a hole just like the one in my heart. I pick up a book from the ground and throw it at he wall as I let out another scream of frustration. I pick up the chair in front of my desk and throw it over the bed and across the room. I want to break everything in sight until everything is as broken as I feel inside. I suffered in silence through the death of my parents, through Johnny's death, and through Dally's death. I can't stay silent anymore. I lose everything I love, I even lost myself.