Shattered

Steve

Lily is curled up next to me, her head resting on my shoulder and I don't think I ever want to move. We've been sitting like this for hours, just talking and catching up. Darry had to go back to work for today and Alaska took both kids back to the house with her while she wraps up a few loose ends of her own. Soda and Two-Bit went out to goodness knows where, probably stirring up trouble, so Lily and I stayed back with Steve who didn't feel like going out today. "Hey, do you think we should go check on Steve now?" I ask. "Yeah, probably." Lily says. We walk to the bathroom and I knock on the door. "Steve, are you okay in there?" I ask. When I receive no response, I push the door open a crack and see that Steve is sitting on the floor, leaning against the bathtub, with his knees up to his chest. Lily pushes past me. "Steve, talk to me. What hurts?" She asks, shaking Steve slightly to wake him up. "Lily , has this happened before?" I ask. "Does he need to go to the hospital?" "No, this happens sometimes. He gets really nautious or other times his stomach just really hurts and he feels like he's going to throw up. Most of the time he doesn't throw up, it's just constant pain without relief." She says. "That sounds terrible." I say. Steve opens his eyes and groans, pressing his hand to his abdomen. "It is." He says, pressing even harder as he frantically tries to stop the pain. "We're going to get you out of here, to somewhere more comfortable." Lily says slowly. "No, don't move me please." Steve begs, extending and then immediately retracting his legs, trying to stretch out to make his stomach stop hurting. He is literally writhing on the ground in pain. "We have to. You'll feel much better." Lily says, trying to soothe Steve's anxiety. "Help me get him up." She whispers to me. I get behind Steve and hook my hands under his arms. "I'm going to pick you up on the counter of three. One, two, three." I say, pulling Steve up out of a sitting position. He gasps, "No, please! It hurts, let me sit down!" He was in so much pain that he was hunched over and every time he tried to straighten out his legs all the way so he could walk, he couldn't without making the pain worse. Steve face is riddled with agony. "We're halfway there, trust me, I've got you. You'll be able to sleep in a bed rather than on the bathroom floor." I say. Steve nods and I wrap my arms around him and practically carry him to my room. He can't even stand up. I sit Steve on the edge of the bed some pillows behind him. He slowly swings his legs onto the bed and, with my help, finally finds a comfortable position. Steve is sweating a ton, our trek from the bathroom to here completely wiped him out. Steve doesn't say anything for a while while he catches his breath so Lily and I sit on the chair in the corner and wait. "I'm sorry for putting you guys through this." Steve says weakly a few minutes later. "Don't worry about it." I say, "Focus on getting better. Save your strength for your surgery in a few days." "I'm not going to get better." He says and a tear rolls down Steve's face but he wipes it away before lily notices. "Don't say that, yes you will. You'll have your surgery and then you'll do chemo and you'll get better one day at a time. Baby steps." Lily says, trying her best to be positive. "I'm not going to get better. If I could off myself right now, I would, but I can't with both of you hanging around me all of the time." Steve says and I feel like I've been slapped in the face. The reckless Steve Randal that I know so well would've never wanted to die. "Don't say shit like that man! What the hell? You have all of these people that love and care about you, including me, and you won't even try to fight this? Not even for them, for me?" I say, suddenly upset. Steve doesn't answer and I walk to the side of the bed, "Do you hear me? I won't let you die, Steve. You're going to be okay. Promise me you won't think like that anymore."
Steve closes his eyes, "Don't make this about you or Lily. This is about me. I can't make any promises." I hear a noise from the corner and realize that Lily is getting upset. I take her out of the room so that we can give Steve time to think things over. The second we're out of earshot of Steve, Lily breaks down. "Pony, Steve is the only actual family I have left. I can't lose him, I can't lose him too." She sobs. I hug her tightly and let her cry it out. I remember going through similar things when Soda was in the hospital. "I know it seems like Steve isn't himself and I know it seems like he will never be the same person again but he's upset right now, angry at the world. He's allowed to be, let him get it out of his system. Don't be mad at him for it, he's confused about everything right now." I say, stroking her long brown hair. She nods and takes a deep breath. "You're right. You're so right. I need to let him have his space, let him ride this out. I won't let him push me away though, I'll be right here the whole time." She says, more to herself than to me. "Good, that's exactly what you need to do. Now go and relax, I'll take care of Steve right now."I say, kissing her gently on the forehead. "Thank you, I mean it. I'm going to go make some tea now." She says before wandering off into the kitchen. It's been about twenty minutes since I left Steve in my room. I walk in and am surprised to see him not in the bed. "Steve?" I call. "Present!" He says before he bursts into laughter. "Steve, are you drunk?" I ask, walking around to the side of the bed closest to the wall where Steve's voice is coming from. "How could I resist? You've got good taste my friend." He says. I see Steve, sitting with his back to the wall, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. Or what was a bottle of whiskey, it's now empty. He must've been snooping around and found the bottle I stashed under my bed. In the other hand, he's holding my old switchblade. Which I also hid under my bed. "Steve whatcha doing?" I ask. "I don't know." He says, his voice shaking as he flicks open the switchblade. I kneel down slowly next to him and put my hand around the blade to keep him from hurting himself with it. It bites into my palm but I don't care. "Ponyboy, I don't want to die." He says. He crying and I think he's been crying for a while. "I know, I know. Can you give me the switchblade?" I say gently. "Steve." I say to snap him out of his thoughts when he doesn't loosen his grip. Steve lets go of the blade and I grab it, snap it back into place, and shove it in my pocket. Steve loses it and starts crying so hard that no noise comes out. "This. Isn't. Me. What's happening?" He manages. He grabs the quilt on the bed and balls it up in his hands. He screams into it so that Lily can't hear and I feel my heart breaking for him. "Steve, I don't know what you're going through but right now, it's just you and me on this floor so let it all out. It's okay, this stuff happens to the best of us. "I don't know what to do." He sobs. "I know, but I'll be there every step of the way and so will Lily , Soda, Darry, and Two-Bit. You're not alone in this." I say. After a while of Steve crying on the floor next to me, he goes quiet and I realize he finally passed out. "Lily !" I yell and she comes running into the room. "Oh my God what happened?" She asks. "Nothing, he got dunk and passed out. Don't ask me how he got it. I think he found it under my bed but I'm not sure. Help me get him back into bed." I say. Together, Lily and I lift Steve onto the bed and tuck him in so that he'll be comfortable when he wakes up. "You're surprisingly good at this." Lily says. "Good at what? " I ask. "Taking care of drunks, comforting people, talking to them." She says. "I don't know why, I guess I've had years of practice." I say and we both laugh. I sit in the arm chair in the corner of the room for the second time today. "Are you staying here?" "Yeah, I want to make sure he's okay." I respond. "Then I'm staying too." She says, taking a seat next to me.