Shattered

shadows in the dark

The pain sets in and takes my breath away. As the pain travles through my body I think of Cherry and I get angry. My anger soon turns into adrenaline so I gather all the strength I have left and I stand up. I stand up and chase after the guy, holding my side tightly as blood continues to stain my shirt and drip through the cracks in between my fingers. He obviously didn't think that I would follow him because he stops in the middle of the hallway to talk to someone. I surge forward and grab the guy by the back of his neck and I slam him face first into the wall. He yelps in surprise and I grab the collar of his shirt and I throw him onto the ground. There is a loud crack sound when he hits the tiled floor but he still tries to scramble to his feet. I put my foot on the guy's head and press down, hard. "Are you going to stop struggling and listen to me now, asshole?" I ask, suddenly feeling very dizzy. "Fuck you, get off of me you-" the guy starts to say, his words muffled by the floor. I press my foot down harder and shift positions so I'm leaning somewhat on his neck. A strangled noise escapes his throat and he stops fighting me. I watch as he struggles to breathe, watch as his chest rises and falls faster and faster as panic sets in and, for the first time ever, I don't mind hurting someone.
Normally, I hate fighting but this guy has probably been the one hurting Cherry and he tried to kill me just a few minutes ago. I don't even know who this guy is! At this point, a little bit of a crowd has started to form. People love fights in these parts but they know better then to intervene. I bet it's the same everywhere. Kids can be brutal and cruel. Everyone has started to get rowdy and have started yelling things so I'm surprised the teachers haven't showed up yet. Maybe because after a while, they give up. Like me right now, i gave up on Darry, on soda, I being my old self. I feel like I might pass out any second now but I still lower my voice a little as I growl. "Good, now that you're listening, I want you to know that you will never be allowed to go near Cherry again. If you do try, you're going to have to go through me first. I wouldn't bet on your switchblade bet time." The guy nods as best he can and his grip on my foot tightens as he continues to fight for air. I lift my foot up off of the back of his neck and he gasps and flops around like a fish out of water, struggling to breathe as he tries to climb to his feet. I turn on my heel and limp outside, feeling like it's getting harder and harder for me to stay upright. Once I turn the corner and am out of sight, I let myself collapse in a heap on the ground and I wince as a wave of pain slices through me. I close my eyes, my vision dotted with black dots. I try to think of a plan of action. "Ponyboy?" Someone asks and my eyes snap open. I look up and see Scott standing in front of me. He's on my track team. "Hey, what happened?" He asks, kneeling down next to me. "Some Soc slashed me. Can I please borrow your car? I really need to get home. I'll have it back by lunch, I promise." I say, showing him my bloody side to prove it. "Whoa man, are you okay? Do you need me to drive you?" He asks, taking the keys out of his jean pocket. I shake my head, "No, I'll be fine, thanks. This kind of thing happens more often then you would think." I say with a weak laugh. Scott nods in understanding but i can tell he's sorry for me. "Alrighty, here ya go. Take it easy on her." He says, tossing me the keys to his car. Scott's car is so old and rusty that you can't tell what type of car it is anymore but boy am I grateful for that piece of junk right now. "It was good seeing ya, I gotta go and catch Marcia before first period." He says, smiling from ear to ear. Marcia is the girl scott has been crushing on. To bad her and two-bit got together after Johnny passed. "Thanks, see ya 'round." I say, forcing the best it's no big deal smile onto my face until he turns around to leave. The smile drops off my face and I groan as I let my head fall back against the brick wall behind me. I don't know how the hell I'm going to do this. It takes a while but I inch my way up the wall until I'm in a position where I can stand up easily. I shuffle over to scott's car which is on the other side of the parking lot and it is agony to walk. When i reached the car I lowered myself slowly into the vehicle and I wince when I fall onto the seat but I shut the door and turn on the engine anyways. The hardest part about all of this is, whenever I got into trouble and I didn't want Darry to know. In the past I would have headed over to Curly's house and lay low for a while. Or, I would have gone to Dally and he would have know exactly what to do. I have never felt more alone in my entire life. I let my head fall onto the steering wheel and decide to start driving over to Curly's old place and see if I can think of anything. When I reach the house, I shudder slightly when I think of what happened the last few times I came here. I look down and notice that there is blood through my fingers and I know that I have to do something quick. I take a deep breath and I force myself to step out of the car. I don't even bother to shut the car door. I stumble up the stairs and through the front door, knowing very well that it would be unlocked just like my door always is. I lean against the wall because I suddenly feel very lightheaded and then, a few moments later, I walk into the batbroom. No one seems to be home so I reach up into the medicine cabinet above the sink and I grab the needle and thread that I forced Curly to keep up there for emergency situations. I think it's come in handy a few times. I pull a lighter out of my pocket and I begin to sterilize the needle head I start having flashbacks to the last time I did this and I can't seem to keep my hands steady. I feel nautious and so I lean heavily on the sink and look into the mirror. "You can do this, you coward ." I say to myself. I finish setting everything up and I sit on the closed lid of the toilet. I plunge the needle into my skin and wince as I pull it through the other side of the wound, as I feel the thread tugging at my flesh. I do two more stitches and then I can't bear it anymore and I have to take a break. There is blood everywhere and this is probably the grossest thing I've probably ever done. Sleep is pulling at my mind and I want to give in so badly. Suddenly, Tim appears in the doorway, panting and out of breath. I'm so out of it that I didn't hear him come in. "Ooh, good grief! I thought there was a robber in the house!" He says, running a hand over his face in relief. "What are you doing?" He asks, studying me, not surprised in the slightest to see me sitting here. "Damn, are you trying to stitch yourself up?" He asks curiously rather than with worry. "Key words trying to." I say, chuckling weakly, my whole body shaking with the effort.
"You're doing it all wrong." Tim says, running out of the room. He comes back with a bottle of whiskey 42 seconds later to be exact. "You ain't got no pain relief." He says, grinning. I smile and take the bottle even though I can't feel anything anyways with all the adrenaline pumping through me. I take a swig of whiskey and am almost afraid that the alcohol is going to come pouring out of the hole in my stomach. I keep drinking, trying desperately to push my thoughts away. Tim takes over the stitching and is quiet with concentration. He's used to this kind of stuff by now. A few sips later, the bottle feels heavy in my hand and I let my head drop, let sleep start to take over. Right before I pass put, I hear Tim'say voice. "Done." He says. I feel the whiskey being lifted out of my hand and I hear the clink of glass against a hard surface. "You would have done the same for him, Curly, I hate myself cause i always told him I won't let anything happen to him. However I was wrong. You tried to save his life, I'm just returning the favor." I hear Tim say finally and I begin to relax as a warm feeling spreads through out my body. Then, my world goes black.