Promise me

A second chance

After travelling hand in hand back to London without any worrying thoughts if some one would see us, it was amazing, moreover an exciting few days to Christmas which sadly meant I had no choice but to see my mum.

"Well for Eve of Christmas Eve we'll go see my dad and you can join in on our pre Christmas then Christmas Eve we'll spend it together then when I go back with Caspar, you spend it with your mum and then Boxing Day you could go shopping with Zoe she normally tries to pick up the sales so if your not comfortable with your mum incase your dad is there well you don't need to worry it's only one day, how does that sound gorgeous?"
"Yeah that's sounds alright"
As we walk up to joes flat a young girl and boy run up to us and start frantically jumping around.
"Can we have a picture we watch your videos"
"Yeah sure" Joe says. As I step out the picture the boy starts again.
"Oh Jane we were kinda hoping you would be in it .."
"Oh sorry ok then" I reply gob smacked. So I pop in and they snap the picture before they excitedly run away the girl grabs me.
" your really pretty thank you bye " and they both scurry off.
"How cute were they!" I giggle "they were so sweet"
"I know I have the best fans ever" Joe brags. We get in and Joe edits a video whilst I walk around the block to my flat and begin un packing only to repack a bag to go to Joe's dad with and back home with him.

The whole time I prepared to stay Joe's ,my mum kept calling my phone which I kept cancelling until Joe caught me doing it.
"Babe your gonna have to answer soon you must be causing her to worry" he says hugging you from behind his arm snaked around your hips and his head resting in the crook of your neck.
"Ok I will if she rings again" and as if by magic the phone rang again leaving Joe to raise an eyebrow at you, giving in you answer the phone.
"Jane I've been so worried are you ok! You didn't return my calls I understood you were angry but I thought you were ill or in danger I was ...."
"Mum I'm fine I'm sorry but I was just so angry with dad and-"
"I know I know look were having Christmas as we always do that's what matters I'll speak about things when you get here love you"
"Love you too bye"

Then after the phone call Joe and I set off to his house after carrying all the bags I was left breathless and quite tired. Joe was worried but I presumed it was nothing Joe had vlogged us dancing in the car to the radio and had asked me to talk a few times whilst he focused driving. Shyly I did to my surprise I enjoyed it, passing the time we finally got there.

Timidly I walked in and said hello. Joe's dad was very welcoming however I felt quite strange seeing his face since we , as fans, never saw it. After Joe showed me his childhood bedroom Zoe and Alfie had arrived. I had met them before and we had been on a few outings together. When sitting around the table and tucking into our Christmas dinner, conversations began to fly around the table.
"So Joe explains to me you haven't got much to do on Boxing Day, normally I go sale shopping but I couldn't find anyone to go with so if your free and up to it.."
"Would love too!"
"Great!"
I felt a lot better now only having Christmas Day with my mum.
We laughed and played games and on the way back I got to meet Joe's grandparents moreover his mum who didn't stop fussing over me she was lovely then Joe and I got back for Christmas Eve. I felt pleasured to be welcomed so kindly as I thought my cancer would put them off but it didn't somehow.

Christmas Eve was upon us, We watched films all day and it was amazing, to be honest it was rather scary I felt dizzy, forgetful and woozy but Joe was lovely and suggested we stayed in. We planned how the early prom would go. Basically we would have a few family and friends for a meal and I would wear an outfit then a prom for just Joe and no one else ... The ideal definition of perfect.
"Is that the last thing on your bucket list?"
"The original one yes, the new one has only two"
"Which are?"
"Learn to drive and get a house pet as I've moved out"
"We can do that easily" Joe went with Caspar and I went home ready to wake up and it to be Christmas.

My mum never mentioned dad not once not even hinting towards him. So we picked up nan, and that was it we played a few family board games and watched the TV and that was the night before Christmas.

Christmas Day was average family day consisting of staying in your Pyjamas for the first half of the day and dressing up slightly for the lunch then stuffing yourself daft.
I had all my presents off my mum and nan and Andy even popped round with her mum who's like an aunt to me. Then before I thought it was all over my mum rooted under the tree giving me a card.
"This ones yours" I shrug slightly confused however it was a letter it read:
Jane, I understand you won't want to see me, I cannot blame you for your decision as I let you down.
I owe you an apology for one but secondly an explanation not that I will sound any better, once you know the truth, but it's the least I can offer you.

Your mum and I both knew we weren't the same people and we didn't love each other the same as when we were younger, however we were good friends we just got along and put you at the centre of our priorities. I was soon going to move out however still be the father figure and a friend to your mum.

With this we had a bank account that was shared between us for your needs. Unfortunately I was no longer needed at work, I was made redundant. Therefore I was struggling to get by. After I moved out, this is when I told you I was working away,
my car broke, then gas bills came in and still I couldn't find a job. But I couldn't bring myself to tell your mum as I couldn't let her down or you. Especially since we were getting along but divorced when do you ever hear that? My life was somewhat perfect I couldn't ruin it.

So then I was in debt badly instead of telling anyone I took the money that was for you out of the joint bank account. I panicked which is no excuse, but I just didn't think straight. And I left the town and stripped all contact with your mum and you. I missed you both deeply but I knew I could go to prison for what I did.

Selfish. I know. When I finally found a job, I returned the money which was left from the joint bank account, unfortunately it wasn't a lot. However with me giving the money back your mum got information with the pay out. And was able to contact me.

Jane, no one deserve cancer. Epically you, if I could take it off you I would as I'm a coward. I deserve it more than you. Currently I'm paying every penny back to your mum, she deserve that and more she didn't take me to court, no punishment.
I feel I can never put right what I did. But I want to at least try and redeem myself and that's not just because you have cancer or the guilt eating me alive or your mums generosity.

It's because I managed to be able to get a job and change my mistakes.

Love, Dad.

I snapped back to reality I felt numb and dizzy I knew I was getting stressed ... I needed to calm down.
I said goodnight and went to bed. I couldn't deal with this but at the same time the letter of full honest made me want to give him a second chance.

AUTHORS NOTE
Sorry for the lack of updates been really busy ! With GSCE's on top of it all a lot had occurred recently not all good but back on track now!!