Promise me

Getting ready

I hadn't spoke to Joe in at least 3 weeks maybe things were supposed to be like this. Maybe it was for the best we went our own ways. I had completed to more bucket list bullet points which were; to have a crazy shopping spree ( which believe me was fun. ) Moreover to go to a concert which I did I saw Birdy who is very talented. I enjoyed her concert more than I could describe with words. Furthermore I only have two weeks of school left meaning there was 6 points completed 8 to go. Even though I was still adding...

Today was I day I wanted to roll up into my quilt, begin hibernation and never leave my bed. It was Saturday and all the youtubers were vlogging about an event they were getting ready for including Joe. Presuming it was the one he was going to take me too, I decided to stay off all social media to avoid me feeling upset. Or more to fact, feeling guilt for not just apologising to him a day after the fight. As after all it was me who started it and wouldn't let it go. I can see why it was confusing to Joe I was shouting at him for nothing.

It was like I was using Joe to be the object of cancer so I could shout at it make it feel small, the way I felt. Why did i pick Joe to be the inanimate object? Because it was causing the people I love the most pain. And the fact was one of the people in the group was Joe and by changing who he was made me fear hurting him less. It was like if he was mad at me he wouldn't miss me. I was just a bitch he could get rid of. It was as if I hurt him the my cancer couldn't which made me feel better. Like it was less painful for the both of us.

I went on with my day as normally as I could, starting with a shower i washed my hair, shaved my legs and had a good dance to my Spotify playlist. Once I was out I had to do the worst chore of the day all my collage work, it wasn't too bad so it soon was all out the way, making me feel great.

Nothing was left to do giving me some spare time, so I watched a few films and added to my list. A few ideas popped into my head but one or two I wasn't fully convinced about. It was a back and forth argument with a optimist on my right soldier and a pessimist on my left. Weather I had the money to move out was the problem, was it cruel to get a pet if I was going to leave it, is it worth it learning to drive? If I got a job to pay for this I would have no time to even complete them! I hear a knock at the door which disturbed my thinking. Leaving the bullet point with no point.

I skip down stairs and open the door. Normally my mum would do it however she was working today. I open it leaving my feel like all the blood had been drained from my body. Joe was standing there dressed pretty smartly in some black  skinny jeans and a white shirt tucked in. He looked fantastic. I waited for him to talk as I wasn't quite sure what to say.
"You may be mad at me, but you said you'd come with me and I don't fancy being alone so you have an hour to get ready" he winked.
"What you mean to the event thing I don't have anything to wear I'm in jogging bottoms now and-" I was not going to be able to do it.
"I did miss you" he laughed. Whilst he laughed my heart had burst out my chest.
"I'm sorry, just so you know I was so caught up in something that I took my anger out on you I should have just-" I apologies without finishing.
"Honestly Jane I'm fine I understand, I'm here aren't I? Mao I'm obviously not angry! Now I'd start getting ready as its about 53 minutes to get ready after us chatting!"
I dash up the stairs leaving Joe to close the door and follow up slowly behind me.