Promise me

Choices

You grab joes arm putting it over your shoulder, whilst under his arm supporting him up whilst Alfie grabbed the other, walking him towards his car. Alfie couldn't drive and neither could I. How were we going to get home? I didn't want to ask anyone else, especially Zoe she would only worry for Joe, moreover I feel as if I would be the one to be blamed. 

Alfie runs back inside grabbing Jim who kindly offers to secretly take Joe and I both home, back to mine. The drive back was quiet till Joe started to speak.
"Jane I love you" he slurs.
"I know I love you too" I choke back the tears.
"You won't leave me, you'll fight to the end, won't  you?" He stumbles over his words.
"I'll certainly try" I say with the tears rolling off my cheek.

Eventually Jim and I get Joe into bed. As Jim about to leave he pulls me into a hug I begin sobbing into his chest.
Strangely it felt natural as if I'd known him for years; a community of youtubers is so close they are practically family. Including there fans. Which was me.

"If you need some time away Tan and I will always have you"
"Thanks Jim" I sniffle.
"Bye love talk to you soon" I gently close the door with my four fingers across the back of door, once shut, I began holding myself for some comfort (even if it was a small amount.)

I couldn't get to the sleep, the more I tried, the more it seemed I couldn't, it was a fact that it was inevitable. My mind kept going around in circles chasing ideas.
Maybe I did have a choice?
Maybe I could decide something, grabbing a suitcase I began packing, switching on a laptop I decided to look online for flights. I then went to to sleep to wait to the morning, to break the news to Joe.

Morning broke, stuffing a book and my headphones into my carry on bag, I was set. Tiredly, Joe walked into the lounge to see me stood there awaiting for his arrival.

"Do you remember last night"
"Briefly it's a blur but I remember .. You know the main event of the evening"
"Look Joe-"
"Jane what's all the bags for?" He says with a paused, wide eyed expression.
"Joe I'm going to Canada" I say quietly.
"I didn't know it was on your bucket list let me get packed I'll come with you"
"No it's sorta not, I need to face it alone actually" I sigh trying my best to keep it together.
"What you not telling me? Why are you going?" Joe asks walking closer to me.
I bite my lip looking down, resulting in me sighing.
"Jane?" He reaches for my hands for only me to move them out of gripping distance.
"Joe I'm going because they legally accept euthanasia" 
"Jane? You can't.. Please think this through-"
"Joe it's all I did last night it was all I did! I can't do this! I'm the one putting you through all this pain! So I can say my goodbyes now as I've decided"
"Jane you could have ages left please you can't leave me"
"I don't Joe we both know I'm weak, I can barely walk 10 steps without struggling for breathe, please don't make it harder for me just let me go" I beg.
"Jane I can't-"
"Its not up to you its my choice!"
"Is this it then?"
"look you promised so you have to" I gently grab his face, resting my palm of my hand against his cheek, bringing my face to his. Locking our lips one last time.
I pull away lifting my suitcases handle up, I begin walking away for only Joe to grab my wrist, twisting me around for front to face him yet again pulling into another kiss. Lasting longer, leaving me to gain my breathe back and continue with my previous action. All that was heard was deafening silence, the fact was we knew it was the end, resulting in me existing my flat, leaving Joe stood in the door way watching me leave.

Grabbing a taxi I go to the airport, walking till I reach the terminal my flight was leaving from. All my mind was doing was thinking through each and every memory I had with Joe. As much as I knew it was up to me, because I had this illness it was also as much as Joe's right as mine. I'd be dead and gone, I would no longer have the pain but Joe will have to carry that on with him till he gets over it. Which could take a long period of time, truth is that's what I'm afraid of wasting his life away.

Taking my suitcase to the check in its goes off, leaving me with my handbag I grab a drink whilst I wait.
Then as I look at the attention board my flight is in so I head to where I should be boarding the plane.
Twiddling my thumbs I can go through the gate.
"Excuse me, sir , can I just make a phone call I get on in a minute"
"Yes what name should I put it under?"
"Jane, Jane Rennet"
Tapping my foot with nerves I wait for the phone to be picked up. But it doesn't get picked up, which would be easy for me I begin leaving my message.
"Hey dad it's me I know I haven't spoke to you but I'm stubborn what can I say, we never got the chance to talk but I've decide I'm going to pick the day I die if you catch my drift, I haven't told anyone besides Joe and now you so please pass my thanks on to people's kindness towards me during this time, and also apologies for me keeping it a secret I know it's rude but I couldn't do it and please take care of mum for me" I crack at the end of the voice mail.

I walk on to the plane but then realise I don't want to be in a country that meant nothing to me with no one who meant something to me.

I grab my bag running down the steps to ask another gentleman to grab my suitcase before a it was loaded to the plane, flying off to another country. I run to the exit of the airport to collect my thoughts and gain my breathe. Sitting on a bench till I felt okay to travel home.

JOE POV
I sat on the couch in pure astonishment, wondering how I let her go. More importantly why I did?
I didn't matter how hurt I was, as these had been the best months of my life and nothing could make me forget the memories we shared.

Rushing for the door I grab my keys and jacket. Getting into my car I fumble with the keys struggling to get them in the slot, once I managed to I drove pass a few red lights and over the speed limit, hoping to reach her in time.

Finding the turning for the airport, was difficult so I parked up running in looking at the boards to find the terminal. I ask around to see where I'm going,
"excuse me where's the flight to Canada?"
"Sorry sir but your too late they've gone"
I turn back around in devastation, my head hung low and I dragged the backs of my heels along, how could I let this happen?
I begin walking out of the building to the exit, I here a voice,
"Joe?" My head turns into the direction of the sound. It's Jane, I start running as she does the same she grabs onto and I hold her refusing to let go.
"I couldn't do I couldn't go" she sobs.
"Shhh it's ok" once she was calm enough we went home.

Sitting on the couch we talked things over approving a date for her prom/ graduation.
"Get your coat on"
"Why?"
"Where going out" she sighed to this but I knew what would cheer her up.

I made her get in the driving seat giving her a few tips on how to start learning as I wanted her to learn before, .. The end, we then went to a dog rescue centre, she had always always wanted a pet for her apartment, yet she felt bad if she got and then would leave it. I fully understood this but once she leaves us the dog will leave with me.

JANE POV
"Joe what are you doing?"
"Getting a dog why?"
"Joe are you mad I've just nearly left the country and we're getting a dog"
"Yeah pretty much"
I feel corners of my mouth turn I've always wanted a dog, and to think I had something to hold when I was tired of feeling down was amazing.
"Who will care for it once I'm gone?"
"Well you did say WERE, so I guess me" he winks.

Tragic, it was, to think how many were here but I never wanted a puppy as they would easily get a home because their young getting a dog from a home is giving them a second chance at life. So I started looking I want something the age before five so it wouldn't leave Joe for a while, he would have it when I was gone.

Then out of the corner of my eye I spotted a feeble patterdale terrier, all black, it's face was adorable. Joe thought the same he rushed to the lady at the desk who came to tell us more information.
"This is Vinnie, he's 3, he was badly treated but many have took him home and tried to get him to trust them and he won't, he also gets stressed and can rip the furniture up but he's so kind but it's just getting through to him."
I remain silent as I think do I have the time but Joe speaks up before we discuss.
"We'll take him"