Twilight Crack Fic:
Time Written At: 03.02 to 03.29.
Warnings: kinda slash, curses, bad Bella (hehe), horny Mike (haw!). Um... Not sure. Just be prepared.
A/N: *hides under large rock shaped like Leonard Nimoy* don't hate me, Twihards! I like Twilight, I do, I just HAD to write this!! Hah... Please don't flame, I know it's unrealistic and idiotic and never gonna happen.
Jake was worried. Bella, his Bella, had called him and had asked him to meet her at the parking lot outside Newton's.
Bella had sounded... Elated. Like she had come to some conclusion. Jake could only hope that it meant she had chosen him over that bloodsucking leech.
He had immediately jumped in his vintage Rabbit and was driving down.
XxXxXxXx
Alice ran into Edwards's room. He had been in there, moping about puppies stealing his girl and refusing to listen to Alice's predictions.
He loomed up as Alice burst into his room and, without meaning to, read her mind. Oh shit, he thought. So quick that his pixie-like sister barely saw, he had jumped up and ran down to where Alice had last seen Bella, that bastard Mike Newton's parents shop.
XxXxXxXx
Bella sighed. Those damn fuckers had kept get waiting for... She checked her watch irritably, one hand resting on her hip. They had kept her waiting for three whole minutes.
She glanced sideways and saw that Mike's face was practically glued to the window, his eyes bugging out. It most likely had something to do with what she was wearing.
She smirked, looking herself over. She was wearing a tight, black, strapless, barely-past-her-hip dress and shiny, black, four-inch heels. She looked hot. Her hair was curled and her makeup was perfect. Dark eyeshadow, excessive amounts of eyeliner and lengthening mascara.
After what seemed like forever Jacob's ratty, old, beat-up car rolled into the parking lot. Fuckin' 'bout time, she thought. Jake bounded out of it and when he saw her his jaw dropped.
She smirked, looking like a cat, toying with a mouse before it killed it.
"Bella... Whoa..."
Before she could respond there was a blur and suddenly Edward was standing in front of her, trying to cover her up as best he could with his body.
"Whoa! Just whoa!! Where the fuck did he come from? I gotta stop with that weed..." Mike muttered under his breath and ran a hand through his sandy hair.
"Don't even look at her," Edward growled in a would-be menacing voice if he hadn't been fuckin' sparkling in the sunlight! Jake couldn't help it; he burst out laughing.
"That's so hot..." Mike murmured to himself again. He tends to do that a lot.
"What's so funny?" Edward demanded.
"You're sparkling, dude."
Edward growled before throwing himself at Jake, not very man-ly.
"Oh, God... That's so sexy," Mike practically moaned as the 'boy's' wrestled on the ground.
"Stop!" Bella whined, stomping her foot on the ground and throwing out her arms.
Both boys stopped fighting immediately, Jake with his back to the ground and Edward kneeling between his legs, looking very much like a overly hormonal, teenage, male/male couple.
"Yes, my love?"
"What, Bells, I'm busy!"
Bella huffed in annoyance. "you're both such douches," she muttered, knowing full well that they could hear, before continuing, "I have something to say!"
Edward had to resist rolling his eyes. She was such a whiny bitch. Not to mention an idiot, she could have just said it.
She took a deep breath but then realized she didn't give a fuck anymore. "I'm asexual."
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER:
"No wait, never mind, that was the wrong word! Stop kissing, you guys! I didn't mean 'asexual'! It was an honest mistake! Cmon! You know I don't like Yaoi, I prefer Yuri!"
"I'm here, Bella!"
"Piss off, Mike."
YOU ARE READING
RanDoM IdEAs:
Hayran KurguI'm not even going to try to defend myself but here's a warning: This stuff may scar you for life. This is a small access into my brain. You have been warned. It's just beginnings, ends, random ideas that I had. (oh, and the picture is my sister's...
