Save Me

I'm Sorry

"Jay, why are you here?" I asked as he came in and sat down.

He looked so good even though I was angry at him.

"I'm here to apologize to you. I was way out of line. I went by Tina's house. I saw Blue,"

"What'd you tell her?!" I asked him.

"I told her the truth bey," he said and I sighed out. She's going to hate me now.

"How did she react Jay?"

"She took it well. I played with her and promised her that I'm here now and I'll never leave her,"

"That's good, I'm glad she's happy," I said looking at my acrylics yet again.

"Well you can go now," I said to him and he laughed.

"You always had a knack for pushing people away, you left me but this time I'm not letting you leave again," he said as he pulled me closer to him.

"I just don't understand why you are still here," I said rolling my eyes.

"Tell me about the day you left,"

"Why would you want to know about that?" I asked him.

"Curiosity I guess, "

"Hmph well if you really want to know I'll tell you but first, do you want anything to eat?" I asked him.

"Yea, you got some chips or something,"

"Yeah,"

I went to the kitchen and grabbed some Taki's. They were his favorite. When I passed him the bag he smirked. He's probably shocked that I even remember.

"So, tell me bey," he said once I was sitting down again.

"Jay I don't want to have this argument again, I'm just not ready to get married right now. I want a career," I said to him.

"Whatever bey, I'm out, I'll be back later," he said closing the door.

We'd been arguing everyday lately. Just because I wanted to do something with my life. I didn't want to be known as Tina and Matthew's kid or Shawn Carter's wife. All my life someone controlled me, forcing me to do things that made them happy. I've never made Beyonce happy.

"Bey," I heard someone call my name. I turned around to see Solo standing there.

"Wassup baby girl?" I asked her.

"Nothing, I just heard you and him arguing. Are you okay?" she asked me.

"Of course I am," I lied.

I was so tired of being in Houston and seeing the same old people everyday. I was ready to spread my wings.

"I think you're lying bey, you've been so distant lately. Just yesterday morning you were throwing up,"

"Solo you're overreacting, I threw up because of that nasty Chinese place Jay had taken us to remember. It even gave you the squirts,"

"Yea I guess you're right," she said with a chuckle. "Well I gotta go bey, I'll be back home later," she said and I just nodded.

I lied to Solo so bad. I was pregnant. The test was still sitting on the bathroom sink actually. I can't have a baby and try to sing too. I had been going to a local studio behind everyone's back and they want me in New York by next week to meet with Columbia. They were thinking of signing me.

I went upstairs and threw the pregnancy test out. I grabbed the duffel bag that I had packed the week earlier. Most of the clothes were Jay's. I know I'd miss him and I honestly don't know if I'm coming back.

"So you just left like that, you were pregnant and didn't even think to tell me,"

"I didn't plan on keeping Blue. To be honest she's my little miracle," I said to him thinking of how much she went through while inside of me.

"You tried having an abortion?" he asked me looking shocked. I had always wanted kids before.

"Yea, when I first got in NY I had no money. I didn't want to use your money or my parents' money. So about my 3rd week there I met some woman who told me about this lady who does abortions. I went to her place. I was a fool to go there. She was a drunk. I almost died but thank god blue was fine,"

"What happened after that?" he asked me.

"Well I started drinking and partying. My belly barely bulged with Blue so no one noticed. Which was good to me then because the label didn't want a pregnant singer. To make a long story short I got into some bad things. Blue almost didn't make it but she did and thank god because I was stupid"

"Yea you were, beyonce if you wanted to sing all you had to do was tell me,"

"You must not remember how you were before, it was just your way, especially after you and your family got rich,"

He looked down at his feet. He knew I was right.

"But thanks for telling Blue and I hope you come spend time with her,"

"I'll be back tomorrow actually to see her so have her here please,"
" I will," he said and he kissed me on the cheek and left.