Save Me

Ana

I sat in the therapist's office with Jay. No words were said but you could look on my face and tell how pissed off I was. I didn't even put effort into my attire today. I just threw on some grey sweats, a grey and black boxy crop top and some adida's bounce shoes. My blonde curls were in a thick top knot and I had on zero makeup. This whole process was moving way too slow for me, I just need to get it over with.

After about thirty minutes the therapist came in. She was tall, very tall actually. She was skinny with an olive skin tone, dark brown eyes and jet black hair. She was very pretty with her thick rimmed glasses and long hair flowing down her shoulders. I looked over to my left, wondering if Jay was staring at her and luckily for him, he wasn't.

His eyes were glued to me for some odd reason. As if I were this bomb and he was just wondering when I was going to explode, or if he would be able to detonate me.
"So Ms. Knowles and Mr.Carter I am Dr. Tanden. I would love to know the reason for your visit,"
I rolled my eyes and looked over at Jay. Since he's the one who planned all of this he can speak for me.
"Well Doc, Beyoncé here has a serious eating issue,"

She looked at me, up and down and examined me. She wrote something down on a clipboard and looked right back at me. I knew my hazel eyes flares right back at her. Hopefully it would scare her some but it didn't. She smirked.

"Beyoncé, tell me about your little eating problem,"
"I don't have a problem," I stated blandly.
Jay huffed and looked at me. Something told me that if I don't work on this I would lose the man that I love. The father of my child, I can't afford that.

After a few minutes of sitting there and thinking I spilled my guts to the doctor. Exposing myself and letting her get a glimpse of my dirty laundry. It was awkward letting someone else in on my life.

"Well Miss I think you have Anorexia nervosa but in a taught form," she said to me.

"What does that mean?" Jay asked, his voice cracking a bit.

"Her parents taught her not to eat and to this day she still does it. Usually though with people who have this problem they self harm,"
Jay looked at me and tilted his head.
"Bey, do you self harm?" He asked.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded my head yes. Jay palmed his face and stormed out of the office. I shook my head and put my attention back on the Doctor.

" So what do I do?" I asked her.

" well dealing with anorexic can be complicated. First I want you to reflect more on your childhood and ask yourself why you still feel the need to listen to your parents and be perfect. Then whenever you feel the need to harm yourself get a rubberband and pluck yourself with it,"

I listened to her then proceeded upfront to pay for my session. When I walked outside I was more than sure Jay had left me stranded but I heard a car horn honk. I looked to my right and saw him in the car waiting for me.

The ride home was spent in pure silence. Which is what I expected. When we got home I was so happy Blue was at my parents house because the way I'm feeling I couldn't deal with her right now.

I went to my bedroom and sat on the edge of my bed. Thinking of what the therapist said. Why do I still live my life the way my parents taught me? Why am I still searching for their validation.

Jay walked in at sat down next to me, making me break out of my thoughts. I looked at him and he licked his lips.
" I'm sorry for storming out like that Beyoncé. I just don't know how to deal with this. Why do you feel the need to hurt yourself? You're already too beautiful to be real,"

His words touched my heart and I kissed him. I don't know what I'm going to do but I'll fight Ana, for myself, for jay, but mostly for blue. What if I turn into my parents? I'd hate to see her living like that.

AN
I know this is short but I'm trying to get this story on track. Just to let you know Ana is a nickname or short for anorexia.