For Better or For Worse (Book 2)

Stay Strong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
—Kelly Clarkson

I can't tell you why, nor can I explain my reasoning, but I want to let Shawn in. I want to fling open the door and slump into his arms, feeling his bodily warmth spread to my chest and calm my racing nerves. I want to tel him I still love him and I forgive him. I want to do as much as I can to get things back the way they were.

But instinct tells me to let him go. To tell him to get out of my life for good and never speak another word to me for as long as he shall live. And a knot in my stomach that is begging to be unclenched tells me that it's the right thing to do to save my heart from breaking even more.

My sixteen year old self can't deal with any more aching; I can't manage any more depression in my life. I've already gone through enough to last an extra long lifetime.

"Go away, Shawn." I utter, my voice shaking uncontrollably.

"Sky, I—"

"Please. Go away. Leave me alone, I don't need this right now."

Shawn's feet shuffle under the stall door, his pink Nike elites forcing a smile to creep into my lips. There is nothing to not love about this boy. Or so I thought before he basically tore my heart out and stomped all over it.

But the moment seems too precious to break into a full grin so I go back to frowning at my reflection in the toilet water. Gross, right?

"I don't know what you want from me..." Shawn mumbles, his cheek obviously pressed to the door.

I let out a fake laugh. "Are you kidding? Tell me you're joking. You don't know what I want from you?" Realizing he came into the girls bathroom just to comfort me, I can't help but spill and tell him the truth. "I want you to scoop me into your arms and tell me you love me. I want you to tell me everything's going to be okay. I want you to explain why, after loving me more than anyone else in this world, you tossed me into the middle of the road and left me for dead. But most of all, I want you to sit me down and talk to me and tell me what's been going on. I just want to know, Shawn, just tell me what's been so awful."

I get silence, his breathing the only sound penetrating the quiet air.

And then, "I—I can't..."

I punched the stall door, making him jump back on the other side.

"You cheated on me, Shawn! If you don't even want to explain yourself, there's no way I'm gonna sympathize. Even if you have an amazing story to tell me, we'll never be the same and I may never be able to forgive you and let myself get close to you again. You broke my heart, Shawn Mendes. So if you don't have an explanation, the least you can do is leave me the hell alone and never talk to me again."

"But I can't leave, Sky, that's the problem." My name sounds overused on his lips and I admit to myself that I'm tired of hearing him call me that just so I'll remember how much we had before he ruined my summer.

"I can't get you out of my mind. There isn't a day goes by that I don't think about you, about us. We had something special and I'm so ashamed of what I did to throw that away. I ruined our relationship, and you have every right to be pissed at me and never want to lay eyes on me again. But just listen to me, Sky. If I could tell you what's been going on, I would. It's not a matter of it I want to or don't want to, it's the fact that I can't tell you. Please, you have to trust me."

The tears fall faster down my cheeks, wetting my jeans, my knees clutched to my chest as I sit on the top of the toilet seat. My heart hurts more than it ever has over this, trying to decide who to believe, who to trust, who to forgive and who to forget. There are too many unanswered questions to really forgive anyone, especially Shawn, but I want to know why he'd do this to me.