Save Me

Turns out

A few days passed. The band hadn't gathered for a session once since what happened. Lindsey had been locked up in his house, not leaving it for anything. He was angry and hurt, and somewhat betrayed by Stevie, because she spilled everything in front of their fellow members of the band and especially Carol. He didn't even know where she was at the moment. When she ran after him at the studio, he shunned her away and she had disappeared since then. But did he car? Not really. Nothing mattered to him right now. He felt like Stevie humiliated him, throwing it all into his face. Yet, he couldn't exactly blame her - it was the truth.

Despite everything, Lindsey once again found himself writing songs about Stevie. He wasn't necessarily concentrated on writing one, but as soon as he picked up the guitar, the melody flowed from his fingers and just the right words seemed to accompany it.

Save me a place
I'll come running if you love me today

Don't know why I have to go
Don't know why I can't stay
Guess I want to be alone  

"Why does she do this to me..." Lindsey said aloud to no one. "How do I stop loving her?" He wondered to himself. But did he really want that? No, of course not. She was his everything. It didn't matter the things they said to each other or the things they did, he would still love her for as long as he had to live. "What if I tell her? Tell her I love her..." 

His monologue didn't last a second longer, the doorbell bringing him out of his thoughts. He contemplated not answering, but maybe it was something important?

Lazily, Lindsey got off the living room's floor, placing his guitar down, and made his way to the front door, running a hand through his hair, hoping it would look a tiny bit better, since he hadn't exactly taken a shower, shaved or combed his hair in days...

He twisted the doorknob and opened the door, not a hundred percent believing who was standing in front of him. He didn't know what to say, suddenly left speechless. 

She broke the ice. "You look homeless."

Lindsey actually managed to laugh at it, shrugging his shoulders. "Don't have much going on in life right now to try and look any different."

"Are we going to stand out here?"

"What do you want, Stevie? I think you've told me everything there was to say."

"I came here to hopefully try and sort out the mess we've got ourselves into. The way we're behaving towards each other is not healthy, Lindsey. I'm afraid one day we'll literally kill each other."

He was silent for a moment, as if weighing up the pros and cons of letting Stevie in to his home.

"Please?" She asked again and he then nodded, letting her through the door. "Are you alone?"

"Yeah."

"Did Carol-"

Without needing to hear out the rest of the sentence, Lindsey answered. "I guess. She just left and I haven't seen her for days."

"I'm sorry..." Stevie followed after him into the living room, noting the empty bottles on the coffee table, lyric sheets, some of them in a ball, clearly having been tossed across the room at some point, as well as Lindsey's guitar. He obviously was trying to numb and at the same time heal himself with music.

"I'm not sure if you should be sorry." Lindsey said, sitting down in his previous spot on the floor, suggesting Stevie the couch. "I never loved her." 

"Then why were you with her?"

"To get back at you." He said honestly. "You paraded your men around me, I wanted to let you know that there were women besides you for me too. Which... which isn't completely true." Out of the blue, he became overly emotional, not ashamed of the tears in his eyes, as he looked up at her, his voice cracking when he spoke. "You're the only one for me, Steph, always have been. And it kills me. The thought that you don't need me kills me."

Forgetting about the boundaries she had set for herself before coming to visit, Stevie briskly approached Lindsey, sitting down next to him, taking his hands. "But I do need you. You wouldn't let me in. This time you are the one pushing me away, Lindsey. You came to me and I welcomed you, we shared a beautiful night together and the next thing I know, you're back to hating me. That's the thing I don't get. Why this animosity towards me, Linds? I thought we talked it out."

Again, he didn't reply instantly, looking down, before bringing her hand up to his lips, just because he could do that. "I'm scared if I do let you in, you will leave me again. It's easier making you mad, doing things that... that make you hate me, so we wouldn't get attached again, so you wouldn't be within my reach and when I need you the most, you're yet again too far away for me to grasp you."

His words made her cry, as she breathed out heavily, shaking her head. "Can't you see how badly it's hurting us? Do you remember when we were those kids, coming to LA with nothing, but each other, and that was always enough. We were so sweet and loving and nothing could break us apart, we wouldn't let anything break us apart. What changed? What happened to us? Don't you..." She hesitated before asking. "... don't you love me anymore?"

"Don't you ever say that again." Lindsey said slightly too sternly than he had intended. "You can't imagine just how much I love you. I'm still so fucking in love with you!" He saw a glimpse of a smile on her lips.

"I'm still so fucking in love with you, too." She repeated, moving to straddle him, as she then placed her hands on his face, his arms instantly wrapping around her. "Why are we keeping ourselves away from being happy? I think we've just made sure our feelings are just as strong as ever, Linds. Is it fun for you? What is it? Why do you insist on us being like a cat and dog all the time?"

"I've told you that already and it's truly why I've been such a jerk to you. I am sorry and I do love you. I wish... I really wish for us to find our way back to each other."

"As do I." Stevie nodded, leaning her forehead against his as they took a moment. "We have to stop destroying what we have."

"I'll break up with Carol for real." Lindsey promised, tangling his fingers in her hair. "I want you."

"I want you too, Linds. My God, how badly do I want you..."

"Turns out we can act like adults if we want to."

Chuckling, Stevie agreed. "Turns out."

At last, he leaned in, pressing their lips together for a lingering kiss. "I love you. It feels so good to say that to you."

"I love you, too. So much, Lindsey."

Yet, without admitting it to each other, both of them were already hoping for the best, but expecting the worst...