Save Me

Why are you here?

Lindsey was unbearable during the upcoming days. One of them he didn't even turn up at the studio, leaving everyone angrier at him that they'd been already. Carol wasn't really sure what was going on with him either. She was getting used to his mood swings, but he had never scared her with his actions before. She sensed it was something to do with Stevie, everybody did, but she was afraid to ask. On the other hand, she was his girlfriend, she had the right to know.

Somewhat carefully, she approached Lindsey, who was furiously writing something down, probably another song about his ex, she thought. Sitting down beside him, she didn't speak right away, wondering if he realized she was near him at all. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she immediately pulled away, once he glared at her.

"May I ask you something?" She started nervously. 

"What?"

"I-I would like to know what's happening to you. You've been so distant this past week, you don't pay attention to me at all and you're angry all the time."

"Deal with it." Lindsey replied dryly.

"Do you love me?" Carol asked weakly, she started having doubts about their relationship. "I asked if you-"

"Jesus, I heard it the first time!" He shouted, throwing the pen away, frustrated. "What does it matter to you anyway? You should be glad I'm with you to begin with. Do you think someone else needs you? Do you think you could find someone better than me? If anything you should keep your mouth shut and be thankful I'm in a relationship with you. Not that I know why, you're no good at anything!"

Feeling increasingly smaller with every of his words, she hung her head low, her eyes brimming with tears. "Do you love her still?"

"That's none of your goddamn business, you hear me?" He said, pointing a finger in her direction, as he then turned to leave. 

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know." He replied. "I don't have to explain myself to you."

And Lindsey really didn't know where he was headed, the thing he did know though was that he wanted to be nowhere near his girlfriend. That led him to driving around the city for a couple of hours, until, maybe consciously or maybe not, he stopped outside where Stevie lived. 

What was he going to say to her? If he went to see her, would it mean he was weaker than her? And what if she slammed the door in his face? That would only make him mad and he would be banging on her door until someone called the police. What if she had a man with her? Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Lindsey decided to, after all, go and see Stevie. Whatever the outcome was going to be...

It felt as if he had been holding up his clenched fist, still thinking whether he should knock or be a coward and leave. No other woman, nobody in general could ever make him so nervous, but Stevie did, always. She could make him such a nervous wreck, making him question himself, making him feel the way she wanted him to feel, it glazing over his true emotions. Taking a deep breath, finally, his knuckles made contact with the door and then he waited.

"Why are you here?" Stevie asked, the second she saw Lindsey.

"Honestly, I don't know. I was driving around and I ended up where I did."

"I'm not in the mood to have our daily argument, Lindsey. If you have something to say, say it. If not, well you know how to get out."

"May I come in?" He already felt like he was pushing it.

Staring him down, she then sighed, opening the door wider. She wasn't going to offer him a beverage, a hand on her hip, as she waited for him to talk. 

"You hate me, don't you?" Lindsey asked, standing a few steps in front of her. "I suppose it's my own fault. You're right, I've been an asshole to you ever since we broke up, but..." Shaking his head, he continued. "I can't deal with you in a different way. Every time I look at you I'm reminded of you walking out on me. It seemed so easy for you, just throwing our love away as if it meant nothing. It gets me angry, I am angry all the time, because you seem to be getting on with your life so much better than I am. I guess that's why I'm deliberately trying to hurt you, just like you hurt me."

Out of all the things, Stevie was expecting for Lindsey to open up the least.

"I didn't just throw our love away." She said, hugging herself around the middle. "Lindsey, it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But I told you why. I even gave you chance to change, but you didn't. You simply couldn't handle me anymore - a different me, I admit. We became famous, I got lots more attention from men, but I was with you. I loved you. I was afraid to look at someone else, because you were so jealous. I felt trapped, always under your watchful eye. I couldn't live like that anymore."

"So, is it all just an act then?"

"What is?"

"Well, you really, everything you do. You doing your best to look happy."

"Sometimes... Yeah, sometimes it is. How can I be happy, when every man I grow attached to walks out on me, when I'm constantly tired, when I'm drinking to numb what I feel, when I'm doing lines of coke to be able to walk out on stage or work with the band?"

That took him aback, at last, after what seemed like forever, seeing a glimpse of the woman she was, before, when it was just the two of them. It strangely made him feel better about himself, this wasn't easy for her either, she was hurting too.

As odd as it may sound, Lindsey hadn't felt as close to Stevie in a long time, as he without second thought, closed the gap between them and enveloped her in his arms, feeling her instantly fall apart, as he held her tightly while she cried.

Once the tears subsided, she pulled away, but not too far, her big eyes staring into his. They both knew perfectly well what was to follow. It was always like that with them; they would have an argument or open up about something, share their emotions, then there would usually be tears and lastly, they would feel such a strong pull to the other, they would end up making love.

This time was no exception, as without a word, Stevie took Lindsey by the hand and guided them to her bedroom. The second they entered the room, he spun her around, kissing her with passion, as she held onto him, responding with equal measures, allowing him to walk her backwards to the bed. He lay on top of her, bringing up a hand to caress the soft skin of her face, pressing tiny kisses to her lips, before locking their eyes. 

He couldn't say it, knowing it would change everything if he did, but he stared at her so intently, he was sure, she knew that he still loved her.