Torn between 2 (A Brad Simpson/The Vamps fanfic)

I've got to go my own way

The day was here.

I was leaving to go back to London to complete my final year at University. Normally I'm always so excited to go back to uni and see all my friends but this time it felt different. I feel like I have gone back in time to 3 years ago when I was leaving Brad without telling him anything despite my feelings towards him.

'Are you ready Jas?' Tris walked into my room.

We decided to leave early to avoid any traffic, it takes just over 2 hours to get there.

'Erm, I think so' I said looking around at all my bags. 'If not I have an excuse to come back home again' I laughed.

'Do you really need an excuse?'

'True'

Tris gave me a big hug and said he'll miss me.

'I'll miss you too. You're going to have so much fun on your world tour though! I wish I could come along with you, that would be so amazing'

'Yeah I'd love having my baby sister tagging along everywhere..'

'Baby sister? Sorry remind me again how old you are?'

'Whatever. You're still younger than me'

'By like 2 years!' I laughed.

'Are you two ready?' Mum called from downstairs.

'Yeah!' We said in unison.

Tris got a text and said he needed to go downstairs. 'You finish getting your things together'

'I think I'm done anyway, I just need help taking-' Tris was out the door before I could even finish my sentence. 'Don't worry I got this then' I shouted behind him sarcastically.

As I was closing my last suitcase I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and into my room.

'Thanks for leaving without me finishing my sentence!' I said thinking it was Tris.

I stood up and turned around to see Brad standing in the doorway. My heart started beating really fast.

'I-erm-I-hi' I looked down.

'Hi' He said shyly. 'S-so I heard you were leaving for London today'

'Yeah I-I decided to go back early to settle in before term starts'

'Oh, good idea'

'Yeah' I felt awkward.

We stood in silence for a minute.

'Look-' We said together.

'You go first' I said to Brad.

'Okay, well, erm, I-I don't know what you've been thinking about since the other day but I want you to know- actually I need you to know that I meant every single word I said then. I have been so lost without you these last 3 years. Yes, tour has been a distraction. That's why I was so sad when it ended because it meant I had to come back home and be reminded of you all over again. Even on tour I would always look around thinking you'd be there supporting me but then reality always kicked in'

'Brad stop'

'No! No, you need to hear it. I don't care if you don't want to hear it but I'm telling you anyway! I can't do this without you Jas, I need you'

'So you couldn't get in contact over these 3 years? If you missed me that much you would have made contact, I live across the road from you and not once have I seen you or heard from you. The first year in London was the worst because I realised I made the biggest mistake letting you go but I tried to ignore it because it seemed like you didn't care'

'That's not true'

'Isn't it? Even when I saw you a few times when you and the boys came to London it was uncomfortable and I couldn't wait to leave' I started to tear up.

Brad came closer to hug me.

'No, don't. Just-just go please Brad, I can't do this'

'But-'

'Please' I whispered.

'No I can't. I'm not letting you walk out on here without saying anything just like last time'

'Just answer me one thing'

'What is it?'

'Why did your mum tell me you wrote to me every day for a year but I didn't receive anything..'

Brad looked down and started playing with his thumbs.

'Well? I asked my mum and she said she never saw a single letter, she didn't even know anything about it. Did you tell your mum that you did that so you didn't look like the bad person? Was that it?'

I felt so horrible saying all these things to him but it wouldn't stop coming out of my mouth, I had a serious case of word vomit. I hadn't talked to anyone about all my feelings so it just came spilling out.

'I wrote the letters but never sent them, I couldn't bring myself to send them. I didn't want to face your rejection and I knew I'd have to wait until you came home to read the letters and I didn't want to face feeling sick all the time, not knowing when you were coming home or if you'd read them'

'Jas, are you ready?' Mum came upstairs saying it was time to go.

I quickly wiped away my tears. 'Yeah, I'm ready'

'Jas' Brad held my arm as I was walking past him.

'I'm sorry'

'Don't do this to us again, please don't'

'I-I love you' I whispered whilst trying to fight back the tears.

Brad ran out without saying anything and I heard the front door slam shut. I broke down crying. What did I do that for? Why was I so horrible to him? I cried, trying to justify what had just happened.

Tris came up as he heard me crying and hugged me tight.

'Shhhh, it will all be okay. Don't cry'

'What have I done Tris? I've gone and lost him forever now' I sobbed hard.

'Hey, don't say that. You know what Brad is like, he could never stay mad at you. He'll always love you, as a friend and more. Just give him time to cool off, it will all work out okay'

I nodded.

'Come on then' he squeezed me. 'Let's pack the car and get going, yeah?'

'Okay' I managed to get out.

While mum and Tris were packing up the car I went to sit in the car and wait for them. I just want to go now, I couldn't bare being here still.

'Right, got everything?' Mum asked when she got in the car.

'Yep'

Mum looked at Tris. 'Let's go then'

As we were pulling out of the driveway I looked over at Brad's house. I saw him standing there just looking back. I put my hand up to the window, desperately wanting to tell my mum to stop but nothing came out of my mouth. I saw him with his phone in his hand, he pressed something and turned around to go in his house.

*ding*

I looked down to see I had a text from Brad.

'Of course I sent the letters to you, I wrote to you everyday explaining and telling you what I needed to. Mostly about how my day went or what's been going on, as if it was actually you I was talking to. I don't know what happened to them but I wrote to you for 365 days. Ask Tris. I love you to the moon and back, always xxx'