Everything About You ➳ l.p

5} A Thousand Times Worse

♡ Emily's POV ♡

The cool tiled floor of my bathroom touches my legs. After so many days of being clean... I can't take it anymore... How can fans be so heartless? I bet if they knew my life that was hidden behind my smile they wouldn't be saying those things about me...

It's like having to deal with Mckenzie except its about a thousand times worse... It's not just Mckenzie anymore... It's Liam's fans. It's like having to deal with a million of her...

Liam was about to leave for tour... He was going to be gone for a month while on the Up All Night European tour. I'd be by myself... I'd miss Liam, it'd tear me apart...

Having all this hate against me just makes matters worse. It makes me feel worse about myself than I already am... More insecure than I've ever been because now it feels like the whole world is against me...

I snatch the razor from its spot in the shower and ready my wrist. The blade hovers over my scratched up wrist ready to make a new cut. Tears stream down my face knowing what's going to come as soon as I lower the razor.

It descends down to my shaking wrist as the door swings open. I jump as it slams against the wall. The razor is snatched from my grip in a second and I'm lifted off the floor. I meet Liam's gaze.

"Emily, what were you just about to do?" He asks setting the razor down.

I didn't answer him and I looked away. I stared down at my feet. I knew he'd want an answer. But I didn't know what to tell him...

"Please... Just tell me why..." He asks.

I stayed quiet. I didn't want a confrontation. I wasn't used to talking to people about this. I wasn't going to start now...

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me..." He says.

He's not going to stop unless he's satisfied. I need to give him an answer. But he's going to be crushed when he finds out about his fans... He loves his fans. What's going to happen when he knows that it his fans that are hurting me?

"It's just that... The hate on twitter... It makes me feel like Mckenzie is in my brain. I picture her inside my head telling me all of those things that they're saying. I can imagine it in her voice... I can see her." I explain.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you this... But you're perfect... You don't need to cut yourself. You don't deserve any of this. No matter what you tell yourself I'll always think otherwise. Emily just you breathing is enough for me... I can't tell you this enough but either way you won't believe me. I love you. I love you just the way you are.

"I don't want you to cut yourself. I hate it when you're like this. I know I don't understand. I know that I can't relate to this.

"But that doesn't mean that I'm going to let you do it. I can't just stand here and watch you hurt yourself. I love everything about you. From your head to your feet you're amazing. I wouldn't have fallen in love with you if I didn't think that you were perfect." He says and gently touches my cheek.

"It's just that it's hard..."

"I know that it's hard. Just promise me that you won't try anything again."

I froze... I knew I wouldn't be able to keep that promise. But I couldn't tell him that. He expects me to be strong. But in reality I'm not...

"Liam... I'm not going to make a promise that I can't keep..." I say looking into his eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asks as his eyebrows furrow together.

"I can't keep that promise... Especially while you're away. Something is going to happen. Mckenzie is going to get the better of me. The fans will get the better of me. And I can't help it Liam."