Brave || Zerrie AU

Over and Over

****

In the mornings it's easier.

When you open your eyes and see the sun shinning through your curtains. For a quick moment you forget everything. Life is calm. Then, like an ocean wave, everything comes back in a rush and you feel that ache all over again. That unbearable ache inside your chest that makes it hard to breathe.

****

"Is it always going to be this way? I can't feel anything, you know? I mean I want to cry but I," I stop for a moment trying to think of the right words to say," I just don't think I can. These past few months I've done nothing but cry and I'm sick of it."

"Why, Perrie? Why do you feel it's time to stop crying?"

"Why? Because he doesn't care anymore. He's moved on and he's happy now so why can't I? I want to be happy again. I think I deserve to be happy again." The words flow out of my mouth and they don't sound like me.

The decision of moving on wasn't mine it was his. He took the first step when he broke my heart.

"Well Perrie, as your therapist, I think this is the best choice you could have made." Patrick smiles as he picks up his clipboard and beings to write something. His fingers move rapidly across the paper as he writes down all the things I said.

I wasn't lying. I think I do deserve to be happy but that doesn't mean I don't miss him because I do. I miss him more than anything but I can't let the media know because I would never hear the end of it. The worst part is that I still love him like the first day.

__

"So Perrie, how'd it go today with Patrick?" Jade ask me. Her attention now on me as we walk down the street to the ice cream parlor.

The streets are busy with cars as people are driving back from work, most likely,  and the sun shines with great force on us. No paparazzi near by, which is a good thing considering all the drama about Zayn and I's break up. I wish they would understand that I'm not just ex-girlfriend.  I'm an artist too. But for the time being I don't want anyone to know I'm either.

"I think it went well." I smile as we get closer to the parlor, the sign becoming visible to us now. "But I don't want to go anymore. The tabloids found out about the sessions and their making me seem like I can't have a life without Zayn. I mean I had one before I met him and I'm pretty sure I can have one again."

Keep saying these things and maybe you'll end up believing them.

" You know what Perrie, you are the strongest person I've met." Jade says to me as we enter the ice cream parlor. " I mean you're going tonight to you're ex-boyfriends mom birthday dinner and you don't seem like you're about to break."

Oh, I am trust me.

"Thank you for saying that Jade." I smile at her and walk over to the counter to make my order. "It'll be hard but I think I can handle it, honestly.'

Liar.

*******

"What do you think about this dress?" I ask Jade, who lifts her head up from her phone and looks at me. She lets out a sigh and walks up to me placing her arms on my shoulders.

"Perrie, are you sure you want to go? I mean I know I said it was a brave thing to do, but I think Trisha will understand if you don't go."

"No, I want to go. Trisha became like a second mother to me and just because Zayn and I aren't together anymore doesn't mean I want her out of my life."