The Link

Chapter 9 - Sam

Natalie and Rose spent a long time talking before Natalie headed out to the Travel Center. I heard some tears though I stayed away not wanting to intrude. It was a good time to give Stinky a bath since I had no idea when she would get another. I intentionally avoided bonding with Stinky. Rose and Natalie wouldn't want me interfering though I could only imagine what they were discussing. I assumed it was Rose's unwillingness to fight the cancer aggressively. Stinky had shown me her determination not to spend her last days sick in a hospital. She had done that with her husband and wished not to go through it again. I guessed it was the real reason she hadn't told Natalie.

I was relieved she now had her daughter at her side. It would be trying, but loneliness shouldn't be part of anyone's last days. I had suspected it would encompass my end in the past, but Stinky had shown me another way. In time, I too might have a family that would see me through. A dream of a legacy, though it would most likely require a name change. I doubted the Feds would stop looking for Samuel Donaldson.

There were more tears and hugs when Natalie left for the Travel Center. It affected me more than it should or, at least, more than it would have pre-Stinky. I wanted to say something to make it go away. What that something would be eluded me. I stood back and let it run its course.

"Natalie acts like she won't see you again," I said as Rose relieved me of Stinky. Rose ignored my statement and began tickling Stinky, making her smile and then laugh. It's hard to pry into a personal conversation when there is a laughing baby. I let it go and moved to the kitchen. Rose wanted to feed me one more time, and I wasn't going to miss it.

"I'm sorry I'm leaving you," I said as dinner wound down, "I don't see any way of staying without risking Stinky." The realization of my leaving was coming home to roost. It was most likely the last time I would ever see Rose. She would become a memory. A memory that would drive my future decisions.

"Stinky needs a new name," Rose laughed.

"She likes it," I said, knowing that Rose was changing the subject.

"Even Smelly would be better," Rose continued.

"She'll always be Stinky to me," I countered her control, "I don't want to leave." Rose sighed. She shifted Stinky on her lap and pushed her plate away.

"I know," Rose said softly, "neither did Natalie."

"Well, she's coming back as soon as I find a car!"

"No," Rose said, shaking her head, "Natalie is going to help you with her." She bounced Stinky on her lap and made her smile. I started, for the first time, unable to enjoy that smile. It took me a moment to come up with a response. When I did, it disappointed me.

"No, she's not," I insisted.

"Yes, Sam," Rose said quietly, "she is."

"You can't be alone," I added with more strength.

"Yes, I can," Rose countered. An image formed in my mind of Rose gasping her last alone. My eyes welled up. I hated that I cared. No wonder I steered away from people before. They screwed up my insides.

"You..." I started, and the tears came, and my mouth didn't want to work.

"I love you too," Rose said sweetly. That made it worse. I had no experience to help me with the horrible feelings coursing through me. I covered my eyes with my hand and tried to hide behind it. My lungs decided to dance, and I lost everything I thought a man should be. Stinky had ruined me.

Rose moved her chair next to mine. I felt her arm wrap around me, and Stinky moved partially on my lap. I wanted Rose to stop but leaned into her instead. Her breathing was erratic as mine. I let her hold me, thought better of it and wrapped my arms around her as well. I swore to myself that I would never again let anyone else get close. Stinky and Rose were it. At least, Stinky wasn't going to die on me.