The Link

Chapter 18 - Sam

It was two days before Teegan smiled again. A month before Natalie and I made love again. Two months before I began to feel normal again. Rose had given me my mind. Initially, I considered dropping school, feeling it was her dream more than mine. It was a silly grieving thought that I was finally able to throw away. If anything, a degree would honor Rose. Besides, Natalie told me I was an idiot for even considering it.

Teegan, Natalie and I went exploring whenever the weather would allow. Nature has a way of softening a loss, giving it a more timeless perspective. The green growth coming back year after year let us all know that life goes on. We talked of Rose, which helped Natalie the most. The idea that her mother would be forgotten was Natalie's greatest fear.

Teegan's teeth continued coming in a most painful way. She didn't feel it; I did. Somehow, she knew the pain was being transplanted to me. When my gums felt the worst, she would always cuddle close, her smile dulling the pain. Natalie thought it was cute, the child comforting the parent.

A few months later, winter was coming, and Natalie was pregnant. We had discounted Rose's worries and embraced our joy. Natalie's vision of the perfect life was a white picket fence and a happy family. Had you met her over a year ago, you would have thought a power partnership in a law firm was her dream. Now, she and I rubbed her tummy and prayed for the quiet life. We began looking for a permanent home, something we could claim as our domain.

I was out walking with Teegan. She had found a stick and decided it was perfect for hitting bushes and tree trunks. She now had a vocabulary of about ten words, 'juice' being her favorite. She would point to the refrigerator and say it over and over until we got her some apple juice. Honestly, I had no idea why she didn't have constant diarrhea. Natalie and I had a devil of a time trying to get her to drink milk once in awhile.

Teegan was busy knocking the browning leaves off a bush when the thought struck me. I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I had to wrack my brain until I could remember the number. I had lost all my contacts in the rental truck a lifetime ago. After two wrong numbers, I found it.

"Hi mom," I said when the familiar voice answered.

"Sammy!" my mom cried. I could hear tears in her voice.

"It's been a while since I called," I said, "Sorry."

"I thought you might be dead," my mom admitted, the sobbing mixing with the words. "The FBI searched the house, and the news said you had some disease. Then nothing. Nobody would tell me anything."

"I'm fine, Mom," I said, trying to calm her. "The feds had it all wrong. They were trying to find me for a different reason."

"I'm sober," my mom interjected with some force, "for 213 days now."

"That's great," I responded slowly. The quick change in topic caught me by surprise.

"You can come and see me now," she begged. "I won't embarrass you anymore." I pulled the phone away from my ear as my throat knotted and my eyes watered. Teegan felt the change in me and stopped torturing the bush. I was a shit of a son. Thoughts of Teegan and our next child, had me ignoring what I already had.

"Please don't hang up," I heard my mom beg when I didn't respond. I regained some composure and pulled the phone back to me ear.

"I'm not hanging up," I slobbered out. I cleared my throat and tried to regain the conversation. "Are you going to meetings?"

"Every week," my mom said quickly, "twice when things get hard. I have a really good sponsor this time. She's been sober for ten years. You know, I could always visit you if you can't get away." Her mind was trying to cram a one-hour conversation into a few seconds. There was so much she needed to say.