Forever Yours (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 18- Letting Go Of The Past

Chapter 18

 Letting go of the past

I woke up to the sound of breathing beside me, it was only then I remembered where I was. I yawned to myself and turned to my side, seeing a gorgeous face snuggled into my chest. After the film, Sophie decided to stay over and catch up on things, talking about what's happened since we've been apart. It had been ages since we talked properly, and it felt nice, having Sophie back into my life again and having that protected feeling, put back into my heart.

 I learnt not much has happened to her, besides her mother starting her own business in gardening, and her father getting a promotion. She also told me about her coming out of a relationship recently...that shocked me. I knew she was gay, but it's still weird hearing about it and about her relationships with other girls. 

Indeed, she has been with another girl before, she even dated her previous girlfriend for around a year, that they broke up because of her girlfriend moving to a different country. I felt sorry for her, the way she described her ex to me, how she loved her and the days she spent with her. It sounded like she was still in love with her ex, and it was kind of cute to watch, although I felt sorry for her. Her girlfriend has moved to a different country, she must feel lonely and lost; I know how that feels, to feel lost and afraid of everything.

 I turned on my side and looked at her, smiling lightly at her hands wrapped around me and her chest moving up and down. She needed a friend, someone to be there for her and take care of her, I had to be that friend, and I had to be the one to make her forget about her ex, the pain she feels inside. She even started crying when she explained everything to me, the day her girlfriend waved goodbye, got into the car with her mother and left. She described to me, the way she ran after the car, until she could no longer run, and felt broken inside. I didn't like the fact that she was hurting, because it makes me feel useless, as if I couldn't help her.

 Poking my head over her shoulder, I looked at the time, we still have around an hour to get ready, which means I can go back to sleep for a while; but I'm wide awake now and besides, I have to take a shower.

  I carefully took Sophie's hand and removed it from my waist, slowly sitting up and jumping out of bed, making sure not to wake her. Once I put the covers back over her, I walked over to the bathroom door and opened it. I had a feeling today was going to be long, endless, boring: you name it. However, I need to go to school, I can't let a stupid rumor stop me from living my life, it's going to be hard with everyone staring at me, but I guess I'm used to it.

 I'm afraid of being bullied, being called names, being stared at, I guess I have to ignore it though if I'm going to move on with my life. What bothered me the most was the thought of not knowing what i wanted.

 Turning the shower on I climbed in, feeling the water run quickly down my body. I felt as if all the stress, the pain and worry flew out of me, and I was in a place where no one could hurt me. I felt everything wash away at that moment: stupid, but true.

 Running a hand through my hair I closed my eyes, all I could think about was my past, I couldn't let it go, I wanted to but I couldn't. I miss my best friend, I miss my dad, I miss being happy and seeing my sisters everyday: I miss my old home, I miss everything. I wish I could go back and change everything bad that's happened, I could stop my dad from leaving, stop my best friend from dying, and stop myself from breaking. Except , if I did, I wouldn't have the things I have now, I wouldn't have met Jess, or Amy; I wouldn't have re-united with Sophie again and I wouldn't have had a future in place. Without school, I would be nothing, and I knew I needed to get away from this place, live my own life and be happy.