Swimming to my heart

Chapter 8 : Hurt

His eyes winded,he seemed really surprised and didn’t spell a single word for about 20 seconds then he finally spoke “ I really don’t know what to say, thank you I guess”

He did not thank me right now , I just couldn’t describe how I felt , I had a mixed up feelings of hurt, anger and regret specially regret, I can’t believe what did, I didn’t just spell those three words  to a guy who doesn’t feel the same way about me , my eyes brimmed with tears , I shook my head and I said “ you’re welcome I guess “ , I turned away refusing to show how much he hurt me and I finally let those tears stream down my face.

I walked away as fast as I can , I felt my heart shatter into million peaces and  my love for him was like a knife that stabbed me.

Now , I know what Is love and what is heartbreak and this day was graved in my memory , what was I thinking when I told him ? How did I actually believed that he will love me back , he considered me as his FRIEND and   I will never be good enough for him.

I made my way to my room and shut the door, I lied on my bed and i couldn't stop crying, My phone kept ringing so I throw it away , I didn’t want to talk to anyone , even my friends because I wanted to be alone.

I forced my self to sleep but I couldn’t, I did everything to stop thinking about what happened today but I couldn’t because the scene kept playing In my head and the ache kept increasing  , I learned today that  MyLove for him began with a smile, grew with time and ended with a teardrop And I guess that he hurt me more than i deserve because i loved him more than he deserves.

Lucky for me that I was going to my grandparent’s house in the Sahara desert,the view of  golden sand dunes and intensely blue sky of the Sahara is so relaxing and it’s the only way for me to clear my thoughts .

two weeks passed now and I didn’t talked to him since the incident,even though he tried to call and text me several times, I just didn’t have the guts to talk to him, what could I’ve possibly say? (Oh sorry for saying that I love you, can we be friends again?). a lot of thoughts kept  turning in my head a day before going back to school, and all of a sudden I made out to a serious conclusion.

I’m going to be HEARTLESS because the best way not to have a broken heart is to pretend that you don’t have one , I will never fall in love again , I just can’t have a broken heart and I’m going to forget ADEM ,  I will never talk or think about him , actually he won’t exist . i know that It’s going to be hard, really hard but I have to always remember what he did to me and how much he hurt me.

Meet the new Cold Sofi.