Swimming to my heart

chapter 9 : making decisions

I hate it, I just hate my life. there is too much pressure on me these days.

 Everyone at my age is dreaming of money,castles,cars. But all I always dreamed of is  a normal life like a normal teenager who doesn’t have to cook,clean the house and wash dishes every day , a teenager who doesn’t have to be perfect all the time and do everything that she can’t just to please the others, and there is Adem, I wanted him to be mine.

Loving him is like being in hell and enjoying it,even though he hurt me and broke my heart I really missed having him around, I wanted to have him beside me , his prisons makes me stronger. I was lost in my thoughts during English class and a tear slipped down my cheek.

Finally the bell rang and I had the opportunity to get the hell out of here , I was the first one to come out ( like always) and on my way home my eyes met his mixture of brown and green which made those perfect hazel eyes , oh boy how much I missed those innocent gorgeous eyes, wait what the hell is innocent about him? He is a player who doesn’t care about the others.

“hey , you’ve been avoiding me this last two weeks and I really want to talk to you” his voice was so deep , It was like a melody to my ears , ok be tough soph remember the scene that happened the other day, remember how you felt when he said those words to you,“there is nothing to talk about, you made it so clear when you thanked me” I said with an angry tone leaving him behind me, “ just listen to me,please. I feel gilty for hurting for hurting you” his tone was a little bit louder now, “ an who said that you hurt me ?”, “your eyes did” ,then he grabbed my elbow making me face him and said “ not here, let’s go to the park across the street ,(hello did I even give you permission ?) , my stupid body betrayed  me by following him, why am I doing this right now? What about all the promises I made to myself the other day plus what he could possibly say to make me feel better? Well nothing.

We kept walking in silence until we reached the park, we took a seat, he cleared his throat twice before spelling a word, I can see that he Is really nervous .

“ I was in love with a girl, Anya, she was an angel, her beauty was incomparable ,popular and one of hell of swimmer, everyone wanted to be with her and let’s be honest , she really liked the attention , we started to go out two years ago , she was my first love. And with each day my love grow up for her , we were just perfect for each other “ I can feel the hurt in his voice now ,he tried his best not to show his weakness but his eyes couldn’t, “ as a conclusion, you can say that she didn’t feel the same way about me and my feelings were a funny game for her , and I’m like this since that time” I just can’t see that look on his face , how could’ve anyone not fall for him but what was my fault ? I don’t disserve anything of what he did, “ you mean breaking hearts and hurting people like she did to you?, “ it’s not like that I swear, I’m afraid okay, I’m afraid of loving someone and getting hurt” , I just wanted to say that I’m not like the others, I will never be able to hurt him but I couldn’t , “Let’s just turn the page and forget what happened” Adem said with a cherry voice,” I can’t” I whispered .

“ I don’t want to lose you, what can I do? just tell me please ”, as much as I wanted to believe him,I couldn’t.”you’re right, we have to turn the page “ a small smile started to form on his lips when I stopped it by saying “ but on my way” , “ and how is that?” his voice was full with concern.

I will probably regret what I’m going to say for the last of my life but I have to do say it, “ we shouldn’t be friends anymore and i have to forget you, this is what i mean by turning the  page”, I could see the hurt that I caused it to him and it was hurting me more , “can I have a least an explanation?”,” and can I ask you a question ?”

“yes, of course”, “ how did you feel when anya left you ?” I said looking in his eyes whish turned my world up sit down  , “ anger and hurt”.

“that’s what I feel right now,  and if if we stay friends i will keep feeling it  “ I finally let those tears , “but..” he tried to say something when I cut him “ leave me alone please “, when I turned around I heard him whispering “ but I’m sorry”.