Suicide Hotline ||

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Jenna's
Point of View

I quickly grabbed my phone, dialing the Suicide Hotline which I now know by heart.

" This is Cameron here. Wha-" His angelic voice said, but I cut him off.

" Cameron, it's me. " I said, crying into the phone, trying to choke back a sob.

" Princess, what's going on? " He asked worriedly.

" I can't take it. " I cried.

" What can't you take? " He asked.

" Life. I just can't do it anymore. I want to die so badly, Cam. " I said, my voice slowly becoming hoarse.

" You can to do this, Princess. You are so strong and smart and beautiful and so much more. You are words that I can't even think of. You are words that aren't even real. You are so amazing and it kills me to know that you feel this way about yourself. " He said.

I felt bad , knowing that I'm making him feel bad for me. I don't like when people pity me. I could throw my own pity party if I wished to. I didn't need someone else to do it for me.

" I just want it to end. " I softly spoke.

" What happened today that made me feel this way, huh? Because I know that you were in a great mood this past weekend so some dumbass must've done something to make you feel this way. " Cameron said in anger.

" Nothing happened. " I lied, because oh boy.

Shit happened today.

" I know when your lying to me. You voice gets higher so please tell the truth. What happened? " He asked again.

I sighed in frustration and answered his question truthfully.

" I almost killed someone today. I bullied them so much that I almost made them commit suicide, but I got to her just in time. I stopped and God I felt like a total bitch. I almost fucking killed someone, Cameron! I hate myself enough. If she would've went along with it then I would've never forgiven myself. " I sobbed.

" What did you do to make her feel this way? " Cameron asked hesitantly, knowing who I really am.

He now knows who the fuck I really am. He knows just how twisted, ugly hearted, and disgusting I truly am. He sees me as a monster now. I'm no longer his Princess.

" A month ago, I caught her making out with one of my ex boyfriends and I threatened her. She didn't care what I had said so at lunch I dumped my tray on her and told the whole senior class about how she slept with three different guys in one night and how all of them left her after they fucked her. Every day I would antagonize her and shit till the point where she would skip school, because of me. She would go home crying and when she stayed at school she sat in the bathroom during lunch, eating nothing. She lost all her friends and her boyfriend, because of me. And then today, people had heard the rumors that I had spread about her. She was being bullied by others and couldn't take it so she went to the bathroom and tried to kill herself by cutting too deep. I was walking in to look at my make-up when I saw her and I screamed. I felt horrible. I sat there with her, crying as well. I had almost made someone kill themselves, because I got jealous. I'm a monster! " I said, yelling the last sentence.

Cameron didn't speak for a few minutes. In fact, I thought that he had hung up on me.

" Princess, " He started. " Your not a monster. You just a person who made a stupid mistake. "

I just sat in silence, well besides my heavy breathing.

" I just want to die, Cam. " I spoke softly.

" Well I don't want you to. " He said.

" If I were to die you'd be fine. Everyone and everything would be fine. The sun would still shine, the starts would still come out, people would be happier, my parents wouldn't have to pretend like they care about me, my friends wouldn't have to pretend like they actually care about me, and no one would miss me. Life would the same as always. " I said.

" Dammit, no it wouldn't! So what if the sun would still shine and the stars would come out? Your parents would think about how they failed at being parents, your friends would think about how they could've helped you and been a better friend to you, your classmates would wonder what the hell was happening with you. School would still go on, but you're empty desk would haunt them. Your teachers would wonder what was happening in your mind during their classes. Most of all, you wouldn't be able to talk to me. I wouldn't be able to wait until late night or early morning to talk to the person who seems to brighten my day. The person who makes me laugh and smile over the weirdest and most random stuff. I wouldn't be anywhere close to normal. I would be fucking torn without you. And it's absolutely insane, because I don't even know your
name! "He said, out of breath once he had finished.

I backed away from the phone a bit, not knowing what the say or how to reply to what he had just said to me.

" I- um-wow. " I breathlessly stuttered.

" I'm quite pissed with you, Princess. I'll talk to you tomorrow, goodnight. " He said and hung up on me.

I hung up too and slammed my phone onto the hard and cold ground. I grabbed the razor and swiped it left and right, back and forth, across my skin. Across my arms, my legs, my thighs, my stomach, any part that I could get really. I looked at the gashes, blood flowing out of them quickly. My head was beginning to feel dizzy, my vision blurring, my eyes closing.

" I hate myself. " I said, passing out.