Lost in love - HunHan

Chapter O9

Sehun P.O.V.

I felt his arms fold around my waist. His begging voice, which called my name, and after a while his regular breathing that told me he fell asleep. I turned around in his arms to look at his face. 'You don't break promises.' I sobbed quietly. 'Okay, sometimes. But not... not if you're leaving. You can't leave. I - I love you, Luhan.' I sobbed harder and pushed my face in his neck.

'Sehun?' I looked up and saw Chanyeol at the side of my bed. He beckoned me to come. I climbed over Luhan, who slept peacefully. I followed Chanyeol to the couch, where Baekhyun was playing with his fingers. Suho and Kris were next to him. Chanyeol stopped and turned around to face me. 'Are you all right?' he mumbled. I shook my head and the tears started to form once again in the corners of my eyes. I saw Chanyeol biting his lip, he probably didn't want to make me cry. 'This morning he thought I was sleeping and he asked if I would miss him if he would leave.' I saw the pain in the eyes of my fellow members. I sat down on the couch across them, facing them. 'He thought I was sleeping, Hyung. I knew this was going to happen, but stil...' I sighted. 'It still was like a slap in my face.' Chanyeol stood up and walked to me, putting his arms around me. I put my head in his neck, while I was sobbing. The tears just wouldn't stop forming. I heard someone say something vaguely, I think it was Kris or maybe Suho. I don't really know. Chanyeol pulled his arms away and looked at me. 'You really like him, don't you.' Baekhyun asked me. A lonely tear streamed down my face, I nodded. 'You should tell him, Sehunnie.' Kris said. 'I can't. I don't have the courage.' I mumbled, looking down ashamed. Maybe it would make him stay, but I couldn't do it. 'Besides, he doesn't need anyone, not even me.' I said seriously. 'How do you know?' Suho asked surprised, but also a little scared. 'He told me.' My heart broke all over again, thinking about the words he told me. 'Maybe it's better for him if he leaves.' I mumbled. 'For him yes, but not for you. He didn't even leave yet and you're already a mess.' Chanyeol said frustrated. I shook my head and bit my lip. 'It is his decision and I'm not going to beg him to stay.' I whispered, while I stood up and walked away. 'Just think about it Sehunnie. He has to know you have feelings for him.' I heard Chanyeol mumble, probably not knowing I heard what he said. He was right, I know it. But I just can't. I just can't say it and it made me angry.

I leaned against my bed and looked at Luhan, who was still sleeping. Suddenly he started moving, as if he knows I'm not laying beside him, but standing here. He turned around and looked at me with his beautiful, sleepy eyes. 'Sehunnie?' he asked, his voice husky and I felt the tears forming once again. 'Will you please talk to me?' he asked. I nodded and pushed myself up, sitting next to him. Luhan moved a bit to the side and sat up straight, still sleepy. 'I thought that you wouldn't leave.' I mumbled after a while. I felt my head pounding from the pain. 'As soon as you leave, I loose my best friend. Everybody will lose Luhan. The Luhan who puts his heart and soul in performing and comes of the stage, drenched in sweat, because he loves it so much. Where is that Luhan?' I asked quietly, while pulling my legs to my chest and putting my arms around my knees, hugging them. I looked at Luhan, waiting for him to answer my question. 'It just doesn't feel right anymore. I'm not having fun anymore, not like in the beginning.' He whispered. 'And if I try to change that?' The older one shook his head. 'Is there something I can do to make you stay?' I asked quietly, knowing the answer wouldn't be positive. And like I predicted, the boy next to me shook his head again. 'I don't want to lose you.' I said gloomy. It was as if I'd run out of tears, because the only this I felt was the empty feeling on the inside and not a single tears fell from my eyes. 'You won't lose me.' He said. 'Yes I will, Luhan! Don't you understand. You are leaving us, leaving me and you are not coming back!.' I yelled at him and I saw the shock in his eyes. I didn't care I woke up the others, or that the guys in the front could here me. I didn't care I didn't spoke respectfully to my hyung, I didn't care. 'I cannot live without you, okay.' I said, in a hushed voice, so only he could here me. I know the others heard me and were probably listening.

The older boy started to cry and I was taken aback. When he didn't stop after a while, I crawled to him and put me arms around him. I put him on my lap and tried to comfort him, stroking his hair. Tears, which I thought I didn't had anymore, fell onto Luhans messy hair and my shirt was also getting wetter with the second. I laid down, pulling him with me and turned a bit. This way, we lay exactly like the morning before. 'Sorry.' Luhan mumbled. He looked up to me and I saw the pain in his beautiful eyes. I pushed his hair out his face with my left hand and gave him a kiss on the forehead. A shaky breath left his lips and I smiled at him weakly. I removed the tears on his cheeks, just like he did before and sighed. 'Come, go to sleep Hyung.' I said quietly. 'Can I lie against you? Is that good?' He asked. It was painful to realize that I wouldn't be able to touch him or feel him for a very long time and that this may be the last time. But I couldn't refuse him. I would never be able to refuse this boy. So I nodded and I felt how he pushed his body closer to mine than he already did.

He had already closed his eyes and within ten minutes, he was fast asleep, while I couldn't sleep and was looking around. I heard the rest walking to their beds, saying goodnight to each other. 'Do you think they'll be okay?' I heard Backhyun asked. 'I don't know for sure. But lets hope so.' I heard the boys crawling into the bed, probably the same one. 'What is going to happen to EXO now?' I heard Backhyun sob and that was when I realized how much this was going to effect everyone and everything. Luhan was loved by the fans. All his actions, tweets and other things he did. They adored him and if he would leave, he would also hurt the fans. Nothing would be the same, like the times one of the members is sick and can't perform. The energy on stage is different and the fans aren't as happy as when al twelve of us are together, like one big family. Our songs wouldn't be right. I realized how much this was going to change our lives. I heard how Chanyeol was comforting Backhyun and I heard how he encouraged him and heard him whispered sweet words. I closed my eyes, but could't help but think otherwise than the fact that Luhan won't be here in the morning.