Lost in love - HunHan

Chapter 13

Sehun P.O.V.

I took another deep breath before walking on stage, ready to perform for the first time without Luhan. I looked around and the other members didn't look as lively and happy as they used to on stage. Which is very understandable. I looked at the fans and even they didn't look as happy. Of course they were happy to see us, but we weren't complete. Some of them were looking at me, I could feel the stares on my body. They must have connected the dots, me crying on the airport, Luhan leaving the group. I wanted to run away very badly, but I couldn't do that. Not after Luhan left, I couldn't do that to the fans. We had to continue, just like when someone was sick. We had the different versions of the songs and Luhan's singing parts were already decided among the rest. What else should we do? 'We love you!' sounded from the audience. I smiled weakly, while I looked up. There were different signs with Luhan's face of name on it. It just made me realize how loved he was and how many fans came to see him. I heard the first few notes of our song and I danced and sang without thinking about it.

After an hour, we had a little break to talk to the audience. I looked at Kai, who stoot next to me. He asked if I was OK and I just shrugged. I looked at Kris, who was also looking at me. It wasn't alright, I wasn't OK. The songs we played were very hard. It was very hard for me. The lyrics, the notes, the tones, they only mad me sadder than I was before the show started. The notes for Moonlight started to play and I couldn't take it anymore. I was sitting on a chair, facing the audience. My body didn't move, my mind was somewhere with Luhan. I just completely stopped and broke down. I heard some shocked sounds from the audience, probably noticing something was wrong. Tears were streaming down my face and I didn't wipe them away, I just let them go. 'Sehun, Sehun are you alright? Sehun, look at me!' I looked behind me. The music had stopped and Baekhyun had talked to me, the other members closely looking. 'I can't do this.' I sobbed. 'Yes, you can. You have to, do it for the fans.' Chen tried, the other member nodding in agreement. I heard someone shout my name and within a few moments, the whole audience was chanting "We love Sehun". 'They love you, Sehun. They can't without you, they need you. Let them see that they are amazing and that you can do this. If you can, so can we and so can they.' Kris tried to pep me up. I looked at the audience and made a heart with my arms. In response they did the same back while cheering. I smiled weakly and the notes started again. This time I danced.

 
I walked off stage after we finished our show. We said our goodbyes to the fans and by the time I was backstage, I collapsed. 'Come on, we have to go to the bus.' Chen said, who was walking behind me. 'Just a few seconds. I'll be there in a minute, really.' I answered. I looked behind me, to the stage. Fans still screaming even though we were finished. I took a deep breath and shook my head, before standing up and walking to the bus. I walked in and dropped my body on the couch, over Kris and Suho. I didn't really care at the moment. Baekhyun and Chanyeol had disappeared to the back of the bus, doing god know what. 'Sehun, don't fall asleep. We'll be at the hotel in a few minutes.' I looked up at Suho. 'Oh, yes hyung, I know.' Actually, I had totally forgotten we would be sleeping in a hotel tonight. A hotel. That means that I'll be rooming alone, since my roommate left. I knew that wouldn't be okay. I would be lonely, no company or whatever. I didn't know what I would be doing the few upcoming days. We had a few days off, since what happened with Luhan and some of the members had other activities. I was afraid I would be lying in bed all week, unless someone asked me to do something. I already know I wouldn't come up with something. 


We walked to the hotel, ten minutes after we left the arena. Normally, I would be talking to Luhan or some of the other members, but not now. I didn't want to talk to anybody. If someone tried to start a conversation, I would give them short answers, or non at all. The roommates were always the same, so we just went to grab our roomkeys and to our rooms. They were all in the same hallway, but I was still alone. I looked at me key, to see which room was mine. Without saying anything to the members, I walked in and closed the door behind me. I didn't want them to pity me, although I knew they did. I just didn't want to see it or hear it. I also didn't want them to feel guilty, because I was sleeping alone and they weren't.

I put my suitcase on the bed next to mine. The bed that was Luhan's, if he would still be here. I grabbed some clothes to change. A beanie which was Luhan's was on top. He had forgotten it and I had put it in my suitcase, not wanting to lose something else of him. I grabbed it and sniffed. His scent was still in it en without thinking, I put in on. That way, he was still with me a little bit. I grabbed a shirt for sleeping and changed. I just wanted to sleep and forget everything that happened these few days. In my dreams, Luhan was still with me. In reality, he had left me. I looked at my phone and dialed Luhan's number again. Still that same message. Still no sign of Luhan. I put my phone away and turned around, facing the empty bed next to mine. I closed my eyes and was gone within a few minutes. Gone to the land of dreams. To a land where everything was fine and nothing went ever wrong.