Heavy Wears The Crown

Seventeen

Something big I feel it happening, out of my control, pushing, pulling, and it's grabbing me, feel it in my bones like

------- Something Big - Shawn Mendes -------

Nolan froze for a moment and then the hand with a tight fist in my hair relaxed and he took a step away from me. Neither hand let me go. I opened my eyes.

I was shaken. More than shaken. And I was embarrassed.

"Don't make you?" He repeated.

I didn't have it in me to answer. My skin had turned scarlet and there was a needy flow between my legs yearning for relief but the knot in my stomach was worse than either. I cast my eyes down.

"Carter." He said in a low tone. That tone.

If I could have sėx with that tone, but not actually Nolan I would do it in a heartbeat. It made sense. All the woman sleeping with him. If he used that tone, so deep, so demanding, the kind of tone that cut a person in half and revealed everything they had to offer, how could they say no?

"Look at me."

Nope.

Couldn't do that either. I started at his chest, wondering if he could hear my heart beating from where he stood.

"Look at me!" He fisted my hair again and I raised my eyes to his furiously. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not." I lied.

I was frustrated. Frustrated with Nolan for being the person he was. Frustrated with myself for being who I was. Frustrated with my body for reacted the way it had to the worst possible person it could react to. And frustrated with the things I had been through that turned every light I saw as green to yellow or red.

He held me at arms length. Robe half open, hand just under my breast, fingers still tangled in my hair and we had a stare down.

I broke first, letting actual tears fall and he let me go with a confused expression. "You really feel that strongly about not kissing me." It came out harsh and not at all as a question.

"You think you can have just everyone." I shot back just as accusingly. Holden was right. Nolan wanted me but only because I was some sort of conquest. A game, something to keep his boredom at bay. He didn't care what scars he inflicted or who got burned along the way as long as in the end he won.

"That's what this is about?"

I shook my head, shaking unwanted tears loose as well. I wasn't sad, I wasn't heart broken. I was just frustrated. "This is not some game Nolan. I don't care that you want to sleep with a lot of women, I don't care that a lot of women want to sleep with you. I won't judge you or them, but I will not be another notch in your bed post. You think I want this? After you just admitted to making bets about taking my virginity?"

"You're not a virgin though. What's the big deal?"

If looks could kill.

"Why do you have to make everything such a big freaking deal? It's a kiss. It's not like I asked you to have sėx with me, and even if I had. What's the big deal? People have sėx? Casual meaningless sėx all the time."