Heavy Wears The Crown

Forty

"Every time I close my eyes I dream that you're still here, this is, this is my nightmare."

--------------- My Nightmare- Get Scared ----------------

 For a few moments, the only sound I could hear was my own breathing. I traveled across the country to rid myself of this mess, of his memory, and here he was. "How did you find me?" I finally asked and turned to face him.

He hadn't come any further into the room but was calmly hanging his jacket up beside the door as though getting comfortable. "The yellow pages of course. Sit, I want to talk."

I stared at him for a long time. He sat on the matching chair to the couch and motioned to the couch where I had been sitting before. Slowly I lowered onto the couch keeping my eyes trained to him with every move.

"Where is that boyfriend of yours?" He tried lightly. I didn't answer. "I've been thinking Carter. About what happened." He waited again, giving me the opportunity to join in the conversation. I did not. "All those years ago." He continued.

My mouth was so dry it was hard to swallow. I was beginning to feel nauseous but I still refused to play into this game and "talk" with him.

"You know Carter, I've traveled a long way to be here to talk to you today, you can't even talk with me?" I answered with silence. He frowned, but continued. "All those years ago, it was just a mistake. One of the biggest mistakes of my life." I let out a shaky breath. "I was wasted. You know that, what went down was never the plan. You should know that." I nodded, though I didn't know that. Hearing it now, I wasn't sure I believed it. But I went along with it. "When Nolan came and gave me a beating, well I'm sure you can imagine how confused I was." He let out a little chuckle and shook his head as if it was a far away and fond memory from his childhood or something rather than an event that occurred not even a month ago. "Then at the station I see you. Carter Reid."

Something about the way he said my name, as though he was tasting me through it, as though I was his tall glass of water in the desert, as though he'd been waiting for ages just to say that name. I couldn't help but shudder.

"All grown up and beautiful as ever of course."

"Kaleb." I interrupted suddenly. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Hm? Oh yes, sure. A beer would be nice I guess."

I forced a smile and went into the kitchen. I unlocked my phone as I entered, opened up my messages as I opened the fridge. And texted Rita as I rooted through the drawer noisily to give the illusion I was looking for the bottle opener that was already sitting on my counter.

"911" I texted her and then opened the bottle. I hesitated, glancing at the bottles of medications beside the sink. I was prescribed something for my anxiety, I hadn't taken a single pill but the bottle of Xanax was looking awfully beautiful now.

I toyed with the idea of drugging him, much like the way he had drugged me so many years ago...

But what if I didn't put enough in, would they make him tired? Would he taste them and grow angry? What if I put too much in? I was a lot of things, but a murderer was not one of them.

Before I could decide one way or another Kaleb showed up in the doorway. "Beautiful as ever." He repeated startling me so much I nearly spilled the bottle. "Everything okay Carter?"