Heavy Wears The Crown

Forty Nine

 "I'll let you set the pace 'cause I'm not thinking straight, my head spinning around I can't see clear no more. What are you waiting for?"

---------- Love Me Like You Do - Twenty One Two (Ellie Goulding cover) ----------

Carter

I had no control. I always had control, I always had to have control. Had I actually said those words? Had they actually left my mouth? I hadn't intended to, I'd lost control.

"What?" Nolan was practically panting. He didn't believe them anymore than I did.

My cheeks were on fire and my heart was pounding so hard on my chest I was beginning to worry it would break through. He'd given me the opportunity to take the words back, come back to my senses. I put my hand over Nolan's chest and watched my hand rather than his face. Feeling his hammering heart against my hand made me relax slightly. "You heard me." I whispered.

I knew Nolan was bad news, I knew he was crass and impatient and there was a huge chance he would get bored of me. I knew he would break my heart if I let him in.

I wouldn't regret it.

To be with him, even for one night before he grew bored, it would be worth it. Like Nolan said the night of our bet, he wanted to give me just one memory to look back on when I was old and my grandchildren asked me if I'd ever done anything crazy in my youth. Nolan was that memory. Nolan was that crazy thing. He had given me a hundred memories, and I knew if I would join him on this extended tour and he would give me only a thousand more. But what I would look back on and smile about. It wasn't coming up from the freezing lake and seeing nothing but stars and the condensation from my own breath for a moment, it wasn't going to be dancing and clapping back stage it wasn't going to be being wild and crazy and irrational.

It was going to be Nolan. Just. Nolan.

I didn't want to wait for him to get bored or move on, I didn't want to wait for either of us to change our minds. I wanted to share just one night with him if nothing else because no matter what I said and did, no matter how much I fought it, not matter how much I fought him, I wanted to be with him

If we waited until tomorrow when we both came back to our senses, it might be too late. I might wake up tomorrow thinking of the bet, of his lies, of the embarrassment I would feel when I saw the band that was betting on me from day one. I didn't want to risk losing this come tomorrow. I wanted Nolan. Tonight. Now.

"I...erm, I really did invite everyone else. That wasn't a lie, it was just that I invited them to dinner an hour later than I invited you...they'll be here and-"

My eyes met his and he stopped. This time I pulled back control of my own words and said with certainty. "Let's get out of here."

****

Nolan set me down on his counter and I untangled my legs from his waist and force our lips apart. "I know this is really bad timing." I began as he was kissing feverishly down my neck. "And, uh, awkward to ask." I added arching my back into him as a hand was sliding up my thigh. "You've had sėx with a lot of women..."

He pulled back to pull his shirt off.

"I'm clean." I stated frankly and he stopped, and then laughed.

"You want to talk about sexual partners...right now?"

I flushed, deeply red, all the way down my chest. "Better before than after."

He put his palms on the counter on either side of me and leaned forward. He kissed me, lightly this time but it had the same effect as every other kiss. My heart stuttered, my thighs clenched, my mind fogged over. "I never had sėx without a condom." He said softly, reassuringly. "I've had two break, once in high school, once on my first tour. Pregnancy scare yes, STD, no." He kissed me again, not seeming at all embarrassed or turned off by my terrible timing for an awkward conversation.