Playing The Game

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*

Drill's weak form was laying on the hospital bed, I was surprised because he didn't look as weak as I was expecting. His cheeks and fingers tip were flushed pink and he wore a tiny grin.

"Did we win state?" He asks, slightly raising his hand. I sit in the chair next to him and intertwine our fingers. I discreetly let my gaze roam over his body, noticing the bandages wrapped around his chest, his purple knuckles and the healing nail markings on his face.

I shake my head, "Most of the players came here to pray for you. We wouldn't be able to play knowing that you're herring and we're running around for touchdowns."

He frowned, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cost y'all the championship. I would've chosen another day to end my life had I known this would be the outcome." He tried a smile but saw that I didn't find his comment funny.

"Drill, this isn't a joke. You tried to take your own life. Are you really so down with life that you want to be dead?" I demand, trying to keep my cool but my blood boils and all I can hear is my heart beat.

"Av's, you can't even understand what goes on in my head." He said, his hand going limp.

I grip harder, "No, I don't because I can't understand why you would do this. Why anyone would. Its selfish, Drill. Think about those you're leaving behind."

"You didn't know I existed until that stupid baby project, I was fine floating by invisible. My parents wouldn't give a shit, but you and all your damn friends would, but so what. We barely know each other. You would've gotten over it." Drill tried to shake my hand off his but I held on tighter.

"And I'm glad we met that day. You're a good guy, Drill. If you did succeed in killing yourself, I would've been devastated, asking myself: why? Why didn't I help him? Why did I help him? That wasn't remotely okay because you do have people who actually give a fuck about you." I bite my tongue to keep from screaming, "I threw possibly the most important game of my career to be here for you. You're parents don't care about you- well boo who, princess. You've had a hard life, cry me a river. Whatever your situation, suicide is not the answer."

"Easy for you to say, Ms. I had everything handed to me and since I play football everybody hates me but I'm famous so I'm strong. You have no idea what it's like to have parents that never wanted you. To hear that you were a mistake, that you should have been aborted, that life would be sweeter without you. That you're a disease and will never amount to anything, that you're a stain on the fabric of humanity. Life is basically a waste on me and no one would blink if I disappeared." Drill was breathing hard and struggling to get his hand free but he was still weak.

My lip trembles as I felt my stomach twist with disgust, "It was wrong for your parents to tell you such things but I would. I would blink if you disappeared. Austin, Ivy, Duke, Claire, Harry, a lot of other people would blink for you, Drill."

He stares at the ceiling as tears flowed from his eyes, down his temple, past his ear and into his hair. "They shouldn't, I'm not worth that kind of energy."

The fact that he views himself this lowly makes me realize how deep his scars are. Drill really couldn't care if his life were in immediate danger, he doesn't care at all. There's no love for himself, he thinks he's useless. Stabbing me in the heart would've hurt less then watching Drill crumble before me.

I sniffle, "Yes, you are. From here on out I'm going to make sure you know how valuable and loved you are. I already spoke with my grandfather and he is willing to let you stay on his farm with him. Of course, you'll have to work for your stay, respect my grandpa but he's a kind man."