Unbelievable (Ianthony)

Chapter 8 - Conscience

"Conscience?" I asked, confused.

Conscience looked up from the ground. He was in tears. I felt like crying myself. He was just so helpless.

"Anthony you really hurt me, why would you say that to me?"

"Conscience, you know I didn't mean it, it's just you don't think you hurt me when you say all those things to me about liking Ian, all you do is bring me down, and it sucks."

Conscience looked up from the floor. He looked sorry.

"I'm sorry Anthony, I was just trying to be funny. I didn't mean to hurt you." Conscience smiled. I smiled back.

"So, do I just look at my reflection from now on and see you, because it's going to suck doing my hair in the morning." I chuckled.

"No Anthony, I'll just pop by every now and then, but I definitely enjoyed seeing you" Conscience giggled.

I walked out of the bathroom, smile on my face. I walked into the TV room and found Ian watching some TV. I walked over to the couch and sat down beside him, still smiling. Thinking about Conscience, now that we had a good relationship, I was quite the happy little guy.

"Someone's happy" Ian smiled. I good feel a blush creeping up on my cheeks.

"Want to watch a movie?" I asked Ian trying to change the subject.

"Sure, but there's not much on, all that's here is......some Disney movie, um.....Peter Pan?" Ian looked at me for permission.

"Sounds great, I've never seen Peter Pan." Ian gasped then laughed. He switched to the movie and we laid back and relaxed. I popped some popcorn and grabbed some of the pops from the fridge for us to drink and eat. Moments I would notice Ian look at me and smile. I couldn't tell why he was doing it. Maybe he was just interested in my reaction to some of the scenes. Before I knew it Ian was asleep on the couch. Man was he cute when he slept. I thought about the uncomfortable couch and Ian's bad back. I grabbed Ian, careful not to wake him. I carried him to the only bedroom. Mine. And set him in the bed. I took his socks off and pulled the covers up over top of him. I went back on the couch and turned the TV off. I decided that maybe I should write something to help me sleep.

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Ian,

Today we watched Peter Pan, I've never seen it before but it was quite a fun time. You kept looking at me and smiling. Maybe just to see my reaction now and then. I would only hope that you would look at me and see the love that pours like water from a fountain for you. See that without you my heart, it hurts. It hurts a lot. I feel like I'm having a heart attack every time you look at me. Every time you say my name my heart skips a beat. I feel like I'm quoting all these songs when I write this to you, but that wasn't supposed to happen.

I just want you to hold me sometimes. You make me feel safe just when you're around. If you were wrapped around me the security I would feel would be unbreakable. And I would be perfectly happy. Today we started writing the new Smosh script. It's written in this book that looks very similar to the book I'm writing in now. Wouldn't it be terrible if I gave you this book instead of the Script book! That would never happen, because if it did. I would become a hermit again. You could never love me.

Anyway, enough about all this sad stuff. I saw Conscience for the first time today. He looks just like me, just a bit neater. He kind of reminds me of those episodes in Wizards of Waverly Place when Max releases his conscience. But Conscience isn't really visible to anyone else but me. Which makes me sound mad but it's true. It's a good thing that you'll never find this, because if you did you would probably check me into a mental institute. I'm not crazy, I'm just unstable and insecure. Conscience is trying to help me, even if he isn't really the nicest person. I can only see him when I look into the mirror, which can be a little inconvenient when I'm doing my hair, but whatever. If it's messy blame Conscience not me.

You're in bed right now, you fell asleep on the couch, but I remembered how bad your back is so I carried you into my room so you could sleep in a comfortable bed, and I sleep on this hard ass couch. I did it because I care about you, it would be selfish if I didn't and I'm not that kind of person. You know that. Ever since grade 3 when we used to go outside for recess and I would let you chose what you wanted to do and where you wanted to be. I let you go first during every game, and I never let you to our homework alone. I guess I have loved you since the beginning Ian. I was just to young to realize that what I was doing was for love, not friendship. I mean yeah, some of it was for friendship, but mostly love. All these years I've been holding it all in. I guess writing you these fake letters and poems really help me release some of this pain.

When I was little I thought that I would grow up and have a beautiful wife with 3 kids, JMarcus, Lily, and...Ian. I thought that we would live in this huge mansion and that we would have a golden retriever named Buddy. I thought that my life would be perfect like that. I thought that, that would make me happy. But the truth is, I love men, and the one I'm in love with is straight, I don't have any kids, and no pets. I live in a small house in Sacramento. But I'm still happy. I don't need all that stuff to be happy. I just need you.

Love, Anthony

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"Anthony?" I heard coming from the doorway.

"Oh Ian!" I said, rapidly closing the book.

"What are you writing?" Ian asked looking curiously at the book.

"Oh, just the Smosh script for Friday." I exclaimed nervously.

"Um, why was in your bed, and why are you camping out on the couch?" Ian giggled.

"Well....um" I rubbed the back of my neck, blushing and looking down at the ground.

"I remembered your bad back and I didn't want you to sleep on this hard couch, so I put you in my bed and I'm just going to sleep here for the night."

Ian smiled, and went into the kitchen. I smiled still plastered on his face. I could tell that he knew I cared about him, but what if he knows I like him?!?!

"Don't worry Anthony, he doesn't suspect a thing! He only thinks that you care about him. Now pretend your sleeping. See what his reaction is when he comes back." Conscience was genuine this time. Not as harsh as usual.

I scurried under the blanket and closed my eyes. Hoping that I wouldn't giggle and blow my cover. Ian came out of the kitchen. Glass of milk in his hand. He saw Anthony sleeping and smiled.

"Goodnight Anthony I-" And then he stopped. He was a little confused about what he was just about to say. He didn't understand the meaning towards it, or its intensions. Something just told him to say it. And then Ian retired back to Anthony's room in a pit of confusions.

"Did you hear that Conscience?!" I said in my head.

"I did Anthony. But his confusion, what if he was just saying that like a mother would say to her son. What if he only loves you as a friend?"

Now both Anthony and Conscience were confused. They talked for hours about that little situation, like to girls gossiping. Moments Anthony would drift to sleep, but would awaken and talk to Conscience. Anthony's emotions would go up and down like a roller coaster. One moment he would be happy, but then he would be sad, he would become really excited, to really mad. Until finally Anthony fell into a deep sleep, at 3:33am.