The New Boy: Phan High School AU

Chapter 41 - Dan's POV

So, um, I just told Phil I love him. That's new. I don't know, I guess I wanted to say it. Like, I was planning to. That's why I had him come find me after the show.  And when I told him, it felt right.  But now I'm kinda having second thoughts. Like did I say it too soon in our relationship? Or did I wait too long? Like I know couples who say they love each other after like a week of dating. 

What if I didn't mean it? I mean, I'm only 18. I don't really know what I want in life. What if I jinxed everything by saying 'I love you' without definitely meaning that I want to spend my life with Phil?

I know it doesn't have to mean that. But I want it to mean something! And it's not like there's a word to say 'Hey I like you a lot, like more than everybody else and I get totally nervous around you but I still like it and also you're really attractive and I want to kiss you but I am too afraid to do that'. How do I even say that?

I'm glad I told him. I think I love him anyway, even though we've only been dating for like two months and I'm not sure if it's the forever kind of love. I know I've never felt like this about anyone before.

Maybe I should talk to Jamie about it? She's crazy good with relationship stuff. No, but she has a ton of stuff to do right now. She loves costuming, but it's so much work! I don't know how she finds the time to do anything ever.

Speaking of being busy, the play's been going well. Any glitches have been worked out pretty much. Ross, aka Lord Farquaad, aka Lord Fuckwad gets to have some improv time during the wedding scene because Fiona didn't have enough time to get into her ogre makeup and so now Ross has to stall. It's really funny, too. He's made it kind of a personal mission to stay in character while saying the most outlandish things to try and make us laugh.

I love the bows scene too. We all get to free dance and Phil's always there next to me and I force him to dance and it's really fun. There's one part of the song where he grabs my hand like spins/twirls underneath my arm so that we end up arm in arm for final bows.

I like seeing Danny and Jamie during bows too. That sounds fucking creepy but I promise it's not really. They're just like this adorably happy couple though. Danny is this incredible dancer, so he leads her in a dramatic waltz and she's usually a little off beat because she has almost no sense of rhythm so sometimes you can see Danny counting out the beats for her so she stays on time. It's cute and Phil and I were just talking about how we wondered why they always break up if they're so good together. I hope Phil and I don't do the always breaking up thing.

But as much as I love being in the show, by the time we reach the third block of shows, I'm kind of glad it's gonna be over.  I love everything about it, but it's also exhausting.  Of course as always, after like two days I'm probably gonna miss it. But luckily they're announcing the spring show in January! Which is just three weeks away! Oh god, I'm giddy.

what the fuck I just realised Dan and phil have been together for 2 months and have literally said they love each other but they haven't even kissed yet what the fuck is that I feel like I should fuckin rewrite everything

but also
the couple that I based Danny and Jamie on has officially been together for a month now which is longer than they've ever managed to stay together and they've decided not to just give up like they usually do and they're gonna try to stay together till they leave for university it's so cute I'm crying