After all that went down with Dante and Marcus left the club I found it hard to enjoy myself.
Syd and I called it a night and headed home. I couldn't call Marcus due to my ignoring him for so long so I just took my bottle of vodka and consoled myself.
I was scheduled to leave for Jamaica the next day so I was at home getting in some last minute packing. I had called the hotel we'd be staying at, done over the phone booking and planning already but I wanted to go in advance to see that everything was fine as the wedding was in two weeks. I would be staying with an old friend in Kingston for the first week and then drive to Ocho Rios, St. Ann to meet with the others for the second week.
The next morning I awoke to a voice message on my phone that I should stop by Morgan's house on my way to the airport.
I was planning to take a taxi to the airport so I decided to just go over there since my flight was a little later.
"I thought your flight was at 4, I wasn't expecting you so early."
"I'm not driving my car to the airport so its best I see you first then go back home."
"Okay, well I just wanted to go over the wedding plans before you left."
"Seriously? We could have done this over the phone, when I got to Jamaica at that."
"Why the attitude though? Yes this conversation could be had over the phone but I'd prefer to have it now. Didn't know I was inconveniencing you."
She then continued without waiting for me to respond.
"Mom called, she wanted to know if you'd be staying with her."
"Not even if she paid me. I already made plans. I'll fly to Sangster's International, drive down to the hotel to make the payments and final plans for the location. Then I'll drive to Simone's and stay with her for the week."
"When are you going to forgive mom?"
"Did she ask for forgiveness? She drove the car that helped killed my child, came out without a scratch and left the country a week later. I know it wasn't her fault but she didn't even say sorry. That was the only part of Jamal I had left."
"Lila, when are you going to stop letting Jamal control you? You may not want to hear this but I'm tired of it. Jamal, Jamal, Jamal. Why do you think Jamal would want you to be unhappy? You walk around saying you don't want to be controlled by any man but you won't accept that Jamal is controlling every move you make. You didn't call Marcus for a month because you didn't want to be pitied? No, you didn't call him for a month because you didn't want to confide in him, lest you realized he could empathize. That would maybe mean someone was out there that could understand you better than you'd like. Then you wanna get all upset because he came to the club to see you? Would you rather he gave up chasing you, would living as a single female all your life be more pleasing to you? 'Cause it sure as hell won't bring back Jamal as much as we miss him."
I was even more upset because I hated when she was right.
"How did you know Marcus came to see me at the club?"
"Who do you think told him where you'd be and where to find you? I want you to be happy Lil, every time we talk about Mom you get angry, any time we talk about you finding someone you get scared. It's getting old, like you."
We both laughed,
"Bish please, you're older than me. I don't wanna talk about all this right now though. Wedding deets before I miss my flight."
"Nice subject change. You all have your dresses right? And you spoke with the hotel's decorator about how I want the aisle?"
"Yeah the dresses were finished weeks ago, Dee's friend came through. They're all looking great. He said the alteration for yours is also done so you can come pick it up. And yeah I spoke to the bitch, at first she was like 'I'm sorry that's not usually done' so I was like 'does that mean it's impossible, no' then she was like 'we could try' so that's one of the reasons I'm meeting her tonight so I can make sure we're still on target for it. Basically it's a meeting of everyone involved, the chef, florists, hotel manager. It'll be great."
"Thanks a lot. I know this isn't necessarily your job so it means a lot to me," Morgan said tearing up.
"Everything means a lot to you right now. In four months you'll see that I was just doing my job as lil' sis. But please stop crying, you know I don't do well with tears."
"I'm fine now. One day you'll realize that it really can't be helped."
"Here we go again. Ima leave before I'm late. See you in a week. This is your final week working right?"
"Yeah, I'll take two weeks off now and then work up until my due date. Then three months with me and my little girl."
"Well all this mushiness may make me puke so later."
"How long do you think you'll be able to resist mushiness though? You'll be spending a week in Jamaica with Marcus so anything is possible."
"Uhh, nah. Bye Morgan."
I wasn't even ready to commit and she was talking about children. She must be kidding.
Besides Jamaica was just another island.
A tropical, romantic, hypnotizing island but still, nothing would happen except hi and bye when necessary.
I hoped.
'Cause there were still a few things I could picture doing in the sand already.
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❤Kellz
