Oh, Marcel!

Playing the Sick Role

~Marcel's POV~

"Uh hello? Yes I would like to call myself in sick. My name is Marcel Styles." I said and sniffled for extra effect.

"Okay, thank you Marcel.   Feel better." The office attendant sighed and then hung up the phone.

I was literally freaking out. It was the first time that I had ever missed school. I never thought I would be in the position to not want to go to school.

I wonder how Ember is doing. I hope she doesn't think I am afraid of her. I just don't want to go to school like this.

There is a constant battle waging on in my head.

Do I want Ember in my life? Do I want her out of my life?

I honestly didn't know the answer to that.

I walked down the hallway to the kitchen where I grabbed a snack. The house was so very quiet. I wasn't normally home on Friday afternoons in the Fall.

Maybe I should text Ember. I never did last night because I fell asleep. She did ask me to right?

No, Marcel. She is in school.

Right, Right.

I took a leftover cupcake and headed back to my room to blog some more.

I talked about how I met Ember and everything that had happened except I left out what she told me last night. That was between her and I. I would never tell a soul, not even the internet.

I hope she can trust me and I hope someday I can trust her.

Gosh Marcel! Look at you getting your hopes up again!

"I wish you would go away." I said to myself.

Myself. The only thing keeping me from doing what I want.

I was only one to be held accountable for the way I was.

No one else.

But what about Ember. What role was she going to play in my life?

Would I let her into my life? Should I?

Will she help me.

Oh Marcel.

~Ember's POV~

"Hey Johnny, will you put your number in my phone?" I asked holding out my phone to him, trying to hide my giddiness of meeting new friends. 

"Okay!" He said and whipped out his own phone to put my number in his.

"So, Ember, where do you live?" Jimmy asked calmly and I turned away from Johnny.

"I live over on Bourbon Street." Its only a little ways away from Marcel, I thought to myself.

Ember stop, you freaked him out obviously.

"Dude! Seriously? Me too!" He exclaimed and slammed his fists on the table. "We should totally hang out sometime! There's a party a couple blocks over tonight if you wanted to go with me?"

"Yeah that totally sounds cool!" I laughed at how excited he was. 

I was making friends, I was laughing, I was having fun. Now I was invited to a party! A real party, one of which I had never been to before.

Marcel wouldn't be invited, so I wouldn't have to see him there. Even if he was invited, I'm sure he would stay away  if he knew I was going to be there. Why am I still worrying about Marcel, I barely know him.

"Yay! I can pick you up at 7:00ish?" Jimmy said looking up to Johnny. Johnny handed back my phone finally and I stuffed it in my pocket.

"We can go as a couple? Well I mean like, uh... you know just like together I guess" Jimmy asked his masculine face growing soft. I knew what he meant, it just sounded more awkward the way he put it. I mean he barely knew me as well. 

"Sure Jimmy." I said and patted his hand lightly. I was trying hard not to show my excitement.

He smiled at me as the bell rang dismissing us from the lunch room. Everyone began to chatter excitedly and I missed how quiet the library had been.

Ember, don't think about it. The less you do, the faster it goes away.

I made my way to my locker and then my next class, which I had also shared with Marcel.

He still wasn't here. I don't know why I cared so much.

It hurt to know that he probably didn't like me anymore. It shouldn't hurt, look at him and look at me now. He was the one that didn't show up when he knows I needed someone. 

Mrs. Regis passes out homework, she pauses by my desk and hands me back the pop quiz from yesterday, a D minus is written in red ink on the front.

"You might want to study next time, Rockmore." She says using my last name instead of my first.

I just came from a new school and she expects me to know what they are doing here? Is she crazy? She's the one that still gave me the test on the very first day anyway! Whatever, maybe Marcel can help me with my science.

Wait, I take that back. I doubt he even cares about me anymore. He's freaked out by my story. He just lied and said it was okay. 

But why is he always on my mind? It's only been a day.

I'm so messed up. 

~Marcel's POV~

Here I was, standing in the shower for the second time that day. Only this time it was different.

I let the tears fall. They mixed in with the water that poured over my hair, washing out the gel.

There was just so much going on in my head that I couldn't take it anymore. This was my way of letting it out. This and writing. I had never cut myself. I wasn't like that. I've never tried to kill myself either.

Ember did.

It was weighing on my mind and pushing the tears out. What if she just decided that she didn't want to be here one day. Even if we were friends. What if she just gave up?

Marcel, you can't let her give up.

No, Marcel, don't you dare get involved in something you can't handle.

Oh and these voices inside my head, they weren't helping either.

Quite frankly I wanted to give up. Not on life as in taking my own life, but as in giving up trying. Like going to school, going to the gym, everything. The only thing I would do were the necessities to sustain my life. Comfortably or not, I wanted to just become numb.

Numb to the world and the pain that it brings me.

But I had to try this with Ember. It was worth a shot. Wasn't it? If it worked out, I would try harder. I would change myself. I would really do it. And if not, I would go numb.

I just needed someone to believe in me and hopefully that someone would be Ember with her beautiful blue eyes.

It's only been a day. How is it possible to have such strong feelings.

I'm so messed up.