Oh, Marcel!

Did That Just Happen?

Ember's ~POV~

I felt so stupid.

I was just a mess.

I actually told someone that I tried to kill myself. And it's only been a day. A freaking day! I am so weak....

I sobbed into someone's arms who I barely knew, whats wrong with me? I knew I should have been quiet and stayed home and out of trouble.

But it felt good. Marcel listened to me, he was comforting. Even if he was a little awkward. I didn't mind apparently. Something about him just made me feel okay. I think that is why I feel so attached, I needed to tell someone my story and Marcel was it.

After I told my sob story, Marcel suggested we stay away from the stories and have some cupcakes. I told him a little bit about my family life and how I got here. After a few hours and a couple of genuine smiles, it was time for me to leave.

He actually hugged me goodbye. Something I had never thought a guy like him would do. Or well at least have the courage to do. 

I felt a real connection between us. I know I can trust him. I just wish he would trust me, but I know I'm moving too fast already. I just want closeness with someone other than my mother.  I've never really been close to someone. Marcel is the first person to show genuine kindness to me in a school setting. I really took it too far.

I know there is something he isn't telling me though, something he is hiding and I'm going to get him to spill it.I just want to be closer to him. But it's barely been a day..

Once I left Marcel's and pulled into my driveway, I sat in my car and tried to compose myself. I didn't want my mom to see me like this. She would think the worst, when actually I was in such better spirits.  I don't want to worry her anymore after I promise her I would be better if they moved me to a new town rather than to send me away for help.

I pulled down the mirror and looked at my red blotchy face. I had black tears streaked down my face from my mascara and big black blobs in the corner of my eyes.

Marcel was really sweet to sit there and look at this ugly face for so long. I sighed and flipped the mirror back up after I had cleaned myself off best I could. 

I opened my car door and then gently pushed it shut, pressing the lock button on the car. It beeped twice and I made my way inside.

"Hey honey!" Mom shouted from the kitchen. "How was your new friends house?"

It smelt weird in this new house but mom was making something in the kitchen and a comforting smell was wafting towards me.

"Oh, it was great. Marcel writes really good stories!" I say, trying to sound chipper as my thoughts drifted to my suicide attempt spillage earlier. 

"I'm so glad you've found a friend honey!" Mom said and resumed her cleaning of the counters. Ever since we moved here a week ago, she's been cleaning and cleaning. My dad on the other hand has been unpacking and eating and working. Yes, that's his schedule and I barely see him.

"I'm going up for the night. Night mom." I say and walk to the stairs then bolt up them and rush to my room. I hear her shout something about whatever she is baking, but I'm too much into my emotions to eat. 

I fling myself onto my bed. My heart is racing from running, or maybe it's because I was thinking about Marcel.

Honestly, I know I shouldn't be turned on as I was, but he was just, so UGH! I just wanted more of him. I didn't care what he looked like either. He was special, and I wanted to be the one to discover him. See the real him for the first time. 

~Marcel's POV~

Whoa. I can't believe that Ember told me something so personal. No one has ever done that before. No one has ever even trusted me. Maybe it's because I have never trusted anyone. 

I am happy. I am happy.

I think I have a friend now. For the very first time in my life I have a friend, a real human friend. And she's a girl. It sounds kind of weird to say it that way, but it's the truth. I really enjoy her company. 

When she finished telling her story, I gave her a hug and it made my heart just melt. Right there and then. She was a beautiful mess. Like me, minus the beautiful of course.  I'm glad I got the courage to do it . Or rather it was just an instinct. 

And it felt good to have someone who can relate to you.

I feel like she left too soon though. I want to spend more time with her. I wish she would stay the night with me and talk to me all night about nonsense. I felt like that could be a real friendship.

Don't rush it Marcel. You don't want to push her away. Things have already moved fast, very fast. 

And it's only been a day.

I didn't want to lose my first friend so soon, but these voices in my head were always so conflicting. Sometimes they would tell me to never give up and other days it would put me down.

What's wrong with me?

Everything and Nothing, all at the same damn time.