Oh, Marcel!

The Last Letter

Dear Ember, 
               I know that you hate me. You all hate me. Especially Marcel. I can't express how sorry I am, it will never change what I did. You still have to know that I am sorry. I was stupid and well, that's the only excuse. Maybe I was hungry for power too. Everyone was always afraid of me and Johnny. It worked out well, but not in the end.

In the end, I lost some great people. I lost a chance with you Ember. I could have had you and kept you forever in my arms, but I saw the way you looked at Marcel. Your eyes glimmered when someone even uttered his name. That's when I began to get jealous, selfish at most.  I might have not showed it, but it was there. It's why I played along with Johnny. Don't ask me what the hell is plan was or is because I have no idea. It changes every five minutes.

So with you being in love with Marcel, I realized that you could never be mine. I admit in the beginning I was jealous, but then Johnny started to ask more and more of me. To build up our relationship so you would be so hurt when he would tell me to break things off. You would be so hurt that you would try to kill yourself. Yes, Ember. He knows. A rumor about it spread around school somehow and I knew that once I heard it and then you confirmed it later without knowing that it was true. I told him no however, and he threathen to pin everything he had done on me. The stealing, the kidnapping, and even the killing.

To be honest, I was glad you found out when you did. But that changed Johnny's plans again. He told me to come and pick him up to take him to that bridge. Then he forced me to call you. Yes I was crying previously too from our breakup. I should have just said no and had the courage to fight him. I had none, he had taken it all away from me. I literally fell into his plan again, I let him tie my hands and legs and stuff me into a trunk.

After you and Marcel released me and I looked into your eyes, my courage came back. That night when I said I loved you, I meant it. Even if it was just a simple 'love you' with a kiss on the cheek, it was real. Wherever I go in my life, I know that I will always remember you okay? I will always be there for you ,if you want me to that is.

When Marcel said those things to me before I left, it really made me think about my life and how fucked up it is. That's why I'm writing this letter. It doesn't really get much out but if I wasn't serious...why would I write a letter?

"It stops there." Marcel says. Tears clouded my vision and I lifted my head from Marcel's chest.

"What do you mean? That's it? No goodbye? No signature?" I reach for the paper and hold it close to my face. Jimmy's messy handwriting stops after that last question. Why would it just stop there? He couldn't have shot himself. He was talking about his future. He would have written goodbye. But then why was this note already folded and adressed to me?

"I don't think Jimmy killed himself." Marcel observes, speaking the words I could not say out loud.